To be fuming sleeping on the sofa 33 weeks pregnant?

[Sophie0983]

As in title. Partner had beer in bed which sent him nicely to sleep. I tried to fall asleep before him anticipating his snoring and succeeded. He is now snoring so loudly he has woken me up. I tried to sleep with relaxing music on through my head phones but could still hear him. I asked him to roll over to help him stop snoring and he ignored me. I’ve now stormed off to sleep on the sofa and obviously NOT happy to be doing this heavily pregnant with heartburn and just generally so uncomfortable. He asked where I wasn’t going and I said to the sofa so I can sleep because he’s so loud and he said something along the lines of thanks for waking me up !!! So pissed off !!!!!! Aibu?

This thread makes me so grateful for my DP. On the odd occasions he snores I give him a poke and get a ‘sorry babes’ and he turns over.

My ex was a terrible snorer and I never dared wake him as he would get angry. I’d tiptoe off downstairs to the sofa and he would wake in the night and get angry and demand I come back to bed. He would sulk for the whole of the following day on the pretext I made him ‘feel bad’. This was only one of the ways he was abusive.
Don’t accept this behaviour.

No second bedroom here, still waiting to move before or after baby arrives ... just a shitty sofa to contend with for now in the room literally next door to our bedroom (1 bed maisonette). Not really sure what sort of conversation were meant to have either ladies ... it feels like a catch 22 because he works 50/60 hour weeks and I’m working more like 20 at the most (recently graduated and obviously will secure grad job once I decide to return to work after time with baby) so I don’t feel justified in kicking up a fuss for me to sleep at night when I can just sleep in the day when I’m not working.

We’re only 22 and both healthy and slim, no sleep apnoea here. He has a problem with his septum which doesn’t help with the snoring and his asthma has got worse recently, alongside the snoring so I think it’s that. Also beer before bed does make him snore louder / for longer. I used to be able to get him to roll over and he’d go quiet. I’d go and stay at my parents but my father snores too (poor mother) so won’t exactly get respite there.

I can’t believe he’s actually just left the house. We’re supposed to be going to my parents today for dinner as haven’t seen them in a while, I asked him where he was going and he said he doesn’t know and just drove off.

We’re only 22 and both healthy and slim, no sleep apnoea here

You have no way of knowing this without being tested and asthma does increase the likelihood.

OH was the poster child for not having any risk factors and the first ENT consultant he saw dismissed it. It was diligent GP who insisted on a referral to the sleep clinic who found he was stopping breathing many times per minute.

Snoring as a one off is annoying but if he regularly snores badly (even if its only triggered by beer) he should follow it up.

DH snores but I give him a shove him onto his side. Asking doesn’t often work as he is usually too fast asleep.

Beer in bed (or wine) is a bit much, personally - surely he cleaned his teeth after?

1)Look at moving now. You won't want to do it with sleep deprivation and an extra bedroom will save everyone's sleep when faced with a crying newborn.
2) Discuss NOW how you are both going to care for the baby. That may mean he looks after it after work whilst you sleep, you split the care at weekends or else get some mother's help in. But don't assume you will need to do it all alone. You will be working longer hours than he will when the baby is here.
3) Take a long hard look at finances. You are already taking a hit just working part time and you may fall into the trap of low-paid work or SAHM due to childcare fees. Be very careful going down this route as it's costly both in terms of career progression and pension planning. A pound saved in your twenties is worth more than a pound saved in your forties due to compound interest. It also shifts the balance of your relationship - you can see this in action already with the comments you are making about him, work and sleep.

@C8H10N4O2 that’s interesting! Definitely going to ask him to make a gp appt after this saga. It cannot go on, with baby here it will be unbearable.

And no he didn’t brush his teeth after beer as he was falling asleep drinking it watching tv

@TheABC we can’t move now. We are with the housing association and waiting for a 2 bed house to come up that they will rent to us. Although heavily pregnant we are below the pecking order for anyone already with children or threatened with homelessness.

He will reduce his hours to about 45 a week when baby is here and my mom will help me Wednesday and one day at the weekend. Also, our finances are fine. That is something we have worked out and there’s no way I won’t go back to work doing anything other than 30+ hours a week once my maternity allowance finishes. I’ll basically work to pay for childcare at first, unless my mom can have the baby for one day a week to help slightly, but that’s something we will have to suck up for the sake of me getting on with my career. I’ve literally just graduated with a first class so I’m not worried about work yet. My time will come

It is interesting how the women who recount the awful snoring partners refer to their ‘ex’. I had an ex terrible snorer too and it’s no lighthearted joke, it destroys your quality of life being constantly sleep deprived.
I’d be more concerned with his attitude to sleep, as in he is allowed sleep and you are not. Also no self respecting human being would let a heavily pregnant woman sleep on a crap settee (your words).
Perhaps you need to think about his respect for you especially with a baby coming into the equation.

Is anyone else picturing the same as me?

Beer in bed OMFG!!! 😂😄🤣

@Sophie0983

Seriously tho, sleep in separate bedrooms. There's no shame in it anymore. Getting good sleep is vital for your mental health AND physical health. And way more important than anyone's opinions on couples sleeping seperately!

Hope all goes well with the rest of the pregnancy, and the birth!

@bingbongnoise don’t see how that and a wish of luck is v nice or helpful if I’m honest.

I’m upset and posting for chat/advice.

@bingbongnoise forgot to say, cannot do as you suggested because as I said in pp we don’t have two bedrooms and only a sofa in the next room

@Gardai

It is interesting how the women who recount the awful snoring partners refer to their ‘ex’..

Are you saying that all these women have now dumped the men who were terrible snorers?

OR

These awful snoring men, are actually their CURRENT partners? (and they don't want to admit they are still with them?)

Coz I notice that when posters come on here to talk about some kind of awful behaviour/annoying habits etc, that it's almost always their 'EX.'

Sorry Sophie0903, I didn't mean to offend you. I was trying to be nice.

Wished you luck with the pregnancy and the birth and everything. Not sure why that offended you.

The pic of wayne and waynetta was only meant as a joke with your partner slugging beer in bed.

OK, if you only have one bedroom, make HIM sleep on the sofa! Don't know what else to suggest tbh.

As I seem to have offended you with (in my opinion,) a very innocent and well-meaning comment, I shan't say anything else, except I wish you well.

YANBU to be fuming and he's been a bit of a dick this morning. However, by the sounds of it neither of you have ended up having a good night's sleep, and that never ends well.

DH is a snorer - it's caused many a harsh word and a few tears. You both need to discuss his snoring and make a plan on coping with it. DH has a nasal spray, and if he has a beer or two he'll always let me head off to bed and fall asleep first. You're pregnant, if anyone needs to sleep on the sofa for a bit then it shouldn't be you!

I often rage at my husband’s snoring but particularly when I was pregnant. He used to drive me buts through as I’d move into the spare bedroom and then he’d wake me a few hours later as he’d notice I’d gone and tell me go back to our bed and he’d swap as he was mortified I’d moved out. I’d always wish he’d just leave me alone in the spare bedroom as it was more annoying being woken up again.

I'm married to a snorer.

If I can I gently roll him over when he starts off.

I also find that my own attitude makes an enormous difference - if I can avoid 'the rage' then it's much easier to get back to sleep. It was advice I got from someone else - after all we can sleep through other noises too eg, road traffic, aeroplane noise.

Stop posting and get some sleep!

You are the one who should be upset; you are heavily pregnant and on the sofa. That is not right. If he has gone off in a sulk then he is just being childish. He needs to start being a bit more thoughtful towards you. And you need to stop accepting his behaviour. Yes he works 50 hours a week. But he is 22 and obviously able to. In a few weeks you will have a baby, he will be getting much less sleep, is he going to start sulking about that too? It’s just life; we have to accept the bad bits- he sounds rather immature. Stay at your mum’s! I would 🙂

You could get a decent sofa bed for the living room.

He could sleep on the sofa not you.

Drinking beer in bed and falling asleep and not brushing your teeth are gross. Not great dad material. What else isn’t he going to be bothered to do?

99.9% of men snore past age 30. Mine is a very loud snorer. He did go get checked for sleep apnea and was told to lose weight. This was fifteen years ago and he’s not really even tried to lose weight. He hates that he snores and hates that it keeps me up but doesn’t believe losing weight will affect his snoring. He’s bought into the mantra regarding fatphobia and thinks the drs are just fat shaming him. I often sleep on the sofa - we don’t have a spare room or bed. I think once the kids move out I may start sleeping in a separate room. Snoring just isn’t so important that it’s a deal breaker to me. its Not like cheating or being a spendthrift or abusive or cold/heartless etc.

I recommend ear plugs of whatever type suits your ears. They saved my sanity when I was going through a period of light sleeping and Dh was coughing all night.
DH does snore but not to excess and I usually can either blot it out or get him to stop as its not too bad.
I can usually stop him by tickling his face /ear/nose until he moves his hand to brush away the tickle and that makes him change his posture. I don't make it obvious that its me -if he wakens and looks at me Im either 'asleep' or reading. Can I help it if hes woken himself through snoring too loudly?

Can you privately rent & move before baby arrives?

You could be waiting over 10 years for a H.A property to rent.

miaCara

I have tried nearly every type of ear plugs & only Boots Wax ones stay in,
Its definately worth a try.

@bingbongnoise
I hadn't though some women might be pretending but it's a distinct possibility...
Getting a good nights sleep incredibly important and detrimental to your health in the long run.

A decent man wouldn’t let his heavily pregnant wife sleep on the sofa.