Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming sleeping on the sofa 33 weeks pregnant?

75 replies

Sophie0983 · 28/07/2019 04:11

As in title. Partner had beer in bed which sent him nicely to sleep. I tried to fall asleep before him anticipating his snoring and succeeded. He is now snoring so loudly he has woken me up. I tried to sleep with relaxing music on through my head phones but could still hear him. I asked him to roll over to help him stop snoring and he ignored me. I’ve now stormed off to sleep on the sofa and obviously NOT happy to be doing this heavily pregnant with heartburn and just generally so uncomfortable. He asked where I wasn’t going and I said to the sofa so I can sleep because he’s so loud and he said something along the lines of thanks for waking me up !!! So pissed off !!!!!! Aibu?

OP posts:
Orangeballon · 28/07/2019 07:41

YouJustDoLove, Too right, you hit the nail right on the head.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 28/07/2019 07:43

In both pregnancies, I had phases of sleeping in the spare bed as I was too sensitive to cope with sharing a bed. DH snores sometimes (especially after a drink) but even having the audacity just to breathe was enough to exceed my sensibilites some nights.

The real test of being reasonable is will he listen and understand this morning and do what he can so stop a repeat occuring.

Vulpine · 28/07/2019 07:46

Beer in bed is a bit rank. Did he not brush his teeth just fell straight to sleep?

TheSheepofWallSt · 28/07/2019 07:54

OP - I think you’re being perfectly reasonable, but do bear in mind that when you’re pregnant, molehills can look like mountains.

I’m not sure why having a beer in bed is gross to others? What about a glass of wine? Would that be okay?

Original poster
Sophie0983 · 28/07/2019 07:54

Just fell to sleep.

I just went and asked for the bed alone for a few hours and if he could have the sofa and he’s got dressed and walked out !!!! He said he’s too pissed off to sleep on the sofa and doesn’t want to as he has a bad back and just wanted to lie in on his only day off .

Feel awful that I didn’t just let him sleep knowing he works all the hours god sends most days Sad but know he could’ve sucked up a few hours on the sofa realistically, considering I’ve been up all night.

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 28/07/2019 07:59

What's he doing to sort out his snoring? Is it his asthma that causes it? Or is he overweight?

Cheby · 28/07/2019 08:06

He sounds like a monumental arse OP..

Do you have a spare room or somewhere you can put a decent sofa bed (for him not you)? Because I guarantee that when the baby is here you will want to murder him if he wakes you up snoring when you are already waking a lot to attend to the baby.

Snoring nearly led to a divorce here. Eventually DH went to GP, sent for sleep study, diagnosed with sleep apnoea and given cpap. Life became instantly better. Still married. Just about!

Zofloramummy · 28/07/2019 08:09

Sophie go to sleep, you need to rest. Your dp reminds me of my ex. He also snored and was quite selfish. Is your relationship normally ok?

Sandybval · 28/07/2019 08:10

@Sophie0983 sorry he is like this about his sleep, my OH is the same, and although he is amazing with our DD in every other respect, he didn't change once she was here. He still slept through night feeds and got annoyed when I woke him, and at weekends wanted a lie in, which is to a point, fair enough after being at work; but similarly after doing the early wake ups during the week it would have been nice to have a lie in myself. Try to talk about it before little one arrives, as I was too tired to be more firm in the first few months (he now does take turns and is happy to do so), and wish I had made more of a deal of it. The most annoying thing was he would turn over when I was up feeding (bottle so he could have helped) as if the noise was an inconvenience Hmm I know it's not nice for you with him stomping out, but enjoy the peace and the bed if you can.

MrsBlondie · 28/07/2019 08:13

Youre going to hsve "fun," when your baby arrives OP. Not good.

thetimekeeper · 28/07/2019 08:14

Does he usually put on the dramatics to punish you for standing up for yourself? Because that's not a normal reaction.

I can't believe you feel awful or thought you were mean because he kept you awake all night.

He's the one who should feel awful right now.

Mary1935 · 28/07/2019 08:20

Well I’d watch him very closely if I was you.
He’s had more sleep than you so why are you feeling guilty. He’s training you to feel guilty about these things.
You are entitled to sleep.
How is he in other areas of the relationship.

HettySunshine · 28/07/2019 08:21

He doesn't sound very nice op. You're pregnant with his child! He should be scattering rose petals at your feet and wafting you with palm leaves, not forcing you out of bed with his snoring and then getting cross with you. Is he always so grumpy?

PinkyPrincessy · 28/07/2019 08:24

And you couldn’t wake him up and ask him to sleep on the sofa because...?

lanbro · 28/07/2019 08:26

Get some Quies wax ear plugs. My ex was a terrible snorer and they blocked it out nicely!

Abstractedobstructed · 28/07/2019 08:26

My dh snored for years. He was always of the opinion that since he didn't do it on purpose, he didn't need to do anything about it. At the same time he got very hurt if I went to sleep elsewhere. I couldn't use earplugs as I needed to hear the children. As he got a bit heavier into his 40s it got worse and in the end I recorded him a few times and took myself off to the sofa. He got very very angry and said I was trying to humiliate him. I pointed out that if I wanted to humiliate him I would have put it on social media for people to laugh at and what I was actually doing, as I had repeatedly tried for 15 years, was to get him to please try to do something about it.

He stewed for 24 hours and then parcels started arriving with a variety of snoring preventatives. He tried all of them, a load of different pillow combinations, and we found that if he sleeps propped up on a mountain of pillows he rarely snores and when he does, it's not half as bad. Saved our marriage!

BrokenWing · 28/07/2019 08:35

Do you have a second bedroom? If you can't sleep through his snoring now how are you going to do it when there is a newborn in the room which he will also wake up?

Get a single in the spare room for him to sleep in, or a sofa bed in living room.

TanMateix · 28/07/2019 08:46

The thing is... he cannot do much about the snoring and you cannot do much either about the pregnancy so I guess it is a matter of finding a middle point that allows you both to have a good sleep before you get none when the baby arrives.

I do think you need to have a good conversation about how to be more considerate towards each other long before the baby arrives.

Yabbers · 28/07/2019 08:49

the smell does make me feel sick but I’m not that bothered.

What? He is doing something that makes you feel sick but you’re not that bothered? What a low bar you have for yourself in this relationship.

TanMateix · 28/07/2019 08:50

Actually, thinking of it... that little beer before bed can be making the things worse:
www.tuck.com/how-alcohol-affects-snoring/

chuttypicks · 28/07/2019 08:50

Sounds like you made a bad choice of partner to co-parent with op unfortunately. You're both in for a shock, you more than him possibly as he's such a selfish prick.

TanMateix · 28/07/2019 08:54

Sounds like you made a bad choice of partner to co-parent with op unfortunately. You're both in for a shock, you more than him possibly as he's such a selfish

.... you are DOOMED and it is all YOUR FAULT? How on Earth is that is helpful? Let’s see how long it takes before somebody writes LTB. Hmm

scubadive · 28/07/2019 08:56

I had a bully of a husband like this for 20 years. He didn’t care if his snoring kept me awake all night but if I nudged him onto his side or woke him to go on his side he would be really nasty.

Eventually after an operation on my shoulder (my shoulder on his side of the bed) I asked him to sleep in the spare room (double bed) I had to sleep propped upright for 2 weeks. He never moved back in, and eventually moved out of the house. He made barbed comments for 2 years about how I had refused to share a bed with him anymore and how this wasn’t normal in a marriage. I was just glad to get a nights sleep after 20 years. He didn’t give a shit about me sleeping well for all those years, just about himself if I woke him in the night.

Your DH sounds just the same, he didn’t care about you not sleeping while heavily pregnant, just about his own nights sleep. This doesn’t look good for the future,especially drinking beer in bed.

I think you need to change the power in this relationship fast and if not possible because he’s a tw**, then move on quickly.

C8H10N4O2 · 28/07/2019 08:57

You are heavily pregnant in horribly hot then humid weather and he is doing something which makes you feel sick and then stops you getting any rest.

Seriously, who lets their heavily pregnant wife sleep on the sofa like this?

If the snoring happens often then he should ask for a sleep referral to be checked for apnoea. OH has apnoea, CPAP machine transformed his life. He was not overweight or with high bp but tested as having a particularly severe form. It isn't just about snoring either; for the first time in ages the constant tiredness eased off and that gives general health and energy benefits. Asthma is a risk factor for sleep apnoea as well as a complicating factor.

Zebraaa · 28/07/2019 08:58

Some of the replies. Surprised someone hasn’t called him abusive yet Hmm

I commend any lady who sleeps next to a snoring person because I’d want to suffocate them Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread