Wibu to just go home?

[Chopbob]

DH, DC x2 and I are spending a few days away in a lovely little cottage in the U.K.

It was something that we couldn't really afford but quality time with dcs is important- so we tightened our belts and made it happen.

The village is lovely
The cottage is lovely
The drive here...lovely.
Getting on great with Dh

...and the kids are being an absolute disgrace.
In the car journey they screamed, fought, ripped up their magazines that we had bought for them so they could throw it around the car.
They both threw such a huge tantrum at a tourist village that we had to leave- tantrums about wanting toys/sweets. They had already been bought both.
Now they have rubbed food into the sofa at the cottage, and spilled a full glass of milk on the other sofa. It has stained.

I'm at the end of my tether. It's been awful. Plus it's never stopped pissing down. All. Fucking. Day.

Wwbu to just go home tomorrow?

I guarantee that at the end of the holiday they say it was the best holiday ever. . Kids act funny in different places. They have no idea how much this has cost. I’m sorry ur not having a good time. I sometime think that holidays are
Always better In theory

They're old enough to understand the concept of a holiday and get ridiculously excited about one (particularly if, perhaps, you have been stressing to them how special this is), but too young to manage that excitement appropriately. Add in end-of-term-itis for the older one. Add in changes of routine. Add in the vibes they will be picking up from you (inevitably so) around how important and hard-won this break is to you. And this was probably going to happen.

Don't be too harsh on them. Logical consequences, not punishment ('oh dear, you're obviously tired to be behaving like this, so time for bed now/XYZ activity will make you even more tired so we'd better not do it'). Your various explanations sound a bit too abstract and emotionally loaded (and presumably the milk spillage wasn't on purpose - how is accidentally knocking something over disrespecting others' property?). If you carry on in the vengeful/punishment frame of mind ('how could they, after how we've saved so hard'), you'll be at war - the tension will endlessly escalate. I'm a childhood veteran of holidays in which such store was laid by at least one of the adults that any failure of perfection was taken out on everyone else. They get remembered for the wrong reasons, and, worse, I have to really stop myself doing the same.

I would say terminals comment is helpful. If you give a 4 year old an open glass of milk on a sofa, it isn't a punishable offence if they accidentally spill it.

Wow, that’s a lot for anyone. I have children of the same age so really do get it.

My eldest is knackered from finishing school
My youngest is anxious about starting school and this affects her behaviour
They both get over excited, both react badly to each other at times, and don’t always make the right choices.

I try to remember they don’t attach the same importance to these things that we do, and that often poor behaviour can spiral when they think they haven’t pleased us (self fulfilling prophecy).

Have your g and t, give your little ones a massive kiss, and start fresh tomorrow . Don’t mention today or bad behaviour, just outline the behaviour you expect in terms of “trying your best”. And remind them that if anyone (parents included) makes a mistake it’s ok and you can all work on it together.

Good luck and have a nice time

Catte’s comment above is just perfect and I’d applaud if DH wouldn’t think I was insane. Yes to consequences not punishment. Yes to not getting into a battle and escalating the situation. And yes to a cuddle when maybe you just want to shout/walk away/punish.

Is there somewhere away from the sofas they can eat?

My sympathies OP

I

Sorry posted too soon

I think @Dontgiveamonkeys1350 has it

I guarantee that at the end of the holiday they say it was the best holiday ever.. Kids act funny in different places. They have no idea how much this has cost. I’m sorry ur not having a good time. I sometime think that holidays are
Always better In theory*

Don't do anything else tonight. Drink the G&T. Go to bed. Everyone might be better in the morning. X

Tomorrow they help clean the sofa before any fun...
They hand over pocket money to replace magazines...
Early nights the rest of the trip.

Op tomorrow's a fresh day. Let it go and start again. Years down the line you'll laugh about it

And remind them that if anyone (parents included) makes a mistake it’s ok and you can all work on it together

WTF? They're 4 and 6. They deliberately ripped things up, they had screaming tantrums to the point that they had to be removed from somewhere, and they've generally been a nightmare.

I believe in empathetic and thoughtful parenting I think, but seriously, sometimes kids just need to be told that they've behaved appallingly, have ruined a day, and if they don't make up for it tomorrow there'll be no more treats on this holiday. Offering up non-existent parental mistakes for them to think about is just ridiculous, and gives them an excuse to blame others for their behaviour..

YABU, you don’t let your kids allow your holiday to be ruined.

Quite. Jesus it’s ok to tell kids off if they’re throwing tantrums and misbehaving. They’re 4 & 6 not 3. There absolutely needs to be consequences for bad behaviour.

@saraclara

Because kids are easily influenced and if they see that everyone can make a mistake by behaving badly, but see that it can be rectified, it helps to prevent them from escalating because they think they aren’t perfect. Teaching kids forgiveness and tolerance is way more important than playing blame.

I didn’t say non-existent mistakes by the way so don’t add something to my post that wasn’t there. I said IF ANYONE makes a mistake, it’s ok. Surely you don’t disagree?

Additionally, it sounds like the kids have well and truly been told off and had their consequences. Posters like Catte and myself are just giving alternative suggestions to ending the holiday early.

My kids never had food or milk anywhere near a sofa, especially not in a holiday home.

I don’t think you should be thinking of sticking them in an activity and spending time by yourself. It sounds to me like they need close and loving attention.

Two of my friends both have 6 year olds, who are normally impeccably behaved but in the last few days they have both morphed into monsters!

Sorry that doesn't help, I think it must be something in the air

God some of you are so virtuous. Yes milk on a holiday sofa wasn't the best idea but is that all you can comment on.

OP sounds like your kids have been divs all day. Decide on a game plan. You either go positive from here on in and hope things improve, or make them clean up and then try to fill tomorrow with something to entertain them.

They may improve after sleep.

Terminal5 Really helpful comment there. NOT

I meant that the OP is blaming the children for being children! Children spill milk!

I can imagine how low you are feeling. My children are a year younger so I see how you may feel they need to know better but sometimes children are just children. This is something I've been working on as I really don't want to be a shouty parent but also my dad would never shout but his message always got across.

Take a deep breath and take hold of the situation. The car thing let it pass. Children love ripping up paper. It's difficult to read on a journey so ripping paper is more fun. At least you know for next time now.
Milk being spilt is another one that just needs to pass. Never make their educational things become a punishment.

Maybe going to the activity was exactly what they needed. Sometimes us adults mess up too but we still do what was planned. I know it sounds silly but try it out. Just shrug your shoulders and carry on. I have to keep reminding myself that my children in general are well behaved and polite but sometimes they will act up and I can't control that. Hence I will talk to them and explain the right way to do things and then carry on the day. They might mess about the very next second but then I will explain again. I can't expect them to be like adults and at least most of the time they are not like that so I need to be wise and deal with the situation properly. It's something I've been working hard on but I've realised it works.

(washing up liquid is your friend dampen with a little cold water on j cloth first in circles than wet with warm water than dry with another) when 2 dc decided to do this to me one (wet) summer I opened back door & put them in garden whilst it was raining for 5 minutes (don't bother contacting ss mumsnetters - it was decades ago & they survived & don't appear to be emotionally damaged from it) I had threatened to do it - they didn't believe I would - so I had to

When DD made our holiday a nightmare aged 3, we stayed the whole trip as we had little choice. Within 2 days of returning home she had chicken pox.

In fact even aged 10 if she acts up, it’s usually because she’s brewing something.

They will be exactly the same at home so I don’t see the point.

Was going to post what Catte said but less eloquently! My 6yo takes about 3 days to settle on holiday and we’ve (mostly) learned to just ride it out.

Please don’t put washing up liquid on the sofa. It needs to be cleaned properly. I will just come out of your security deposit.

Now is not the time to go all righteous. So, your kids aren't perfect. They are a work in progress. So are mine. Start again tomorrow afresh.

Forget the tourist trail / cultural activities and go play some games. Bit of cricket. Some mini golf. Swimming? Indoor games if it's raining. Have fun together just like you planned.

That’s a very good point Yabbers.