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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable? House guest.

45 replies

Geek19 · 27/07/2019 01:59

SO my brother can’t stay at my home. Long story. However my mum and I live together through choice. I’m quite a recluse so it suits me and she says her life would be terrible if we didn’t. We get on very well. Anyway my brother has a new girlfriend and she has a 1year old. He asked if she could move in to my house to be closer to him. I said yes out of compromise for my mums situation with him being her son. I’ve banned my brother in the day now because he treat my house like a doss hole inviting his friend and sitting in my kitchen all day. (Even leaving his friend in my kitchen on his his own whilst he went upstairs with his girlfriend, refusing to take his shoes of on my new carpets ect because he’s ‘myms guest so I can’t tell him too’ I paid 475 for it!)
Well I gave her my room and they’re viewing houses. She seems fine. But I have 4 kids and she’s out on the front, it’s 2 o’clock . I don’t want the door going waking up the kids at all hours. ALso they took my mums carwithout asking once so I don’t feel like I trust the situation in and out all night so I cant sleep. The anticipation of them waking the kids up ect. . I’m starting to feel like a control freak 😫

OP posts:
Original poster
Geek19 · 27/07/2019 02:34

To add.. her baby just woke up which she’s does (as babies do) and baby monitors are in my mums room (although she doesn’t settle with us yet, she doesn’t know us very well) and so yeah baby monitors not working . Would like to add my mum agreed to this so she wasn’t neglectful. I get up after not sleeping yet and see to her and take her to my mum who rings her mum to come in obviously whilst I’m hugging her. So that’s doors going again kids all over the house stirring. Is it acceptable for me to take the keys out the door so I can get some sleep now? 🤣🤣🤣 her mum thanked me which was sweet and I do feel bad but like I say, I have 4 kids that need to not be a mombie tomorrow 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Tomasinaa · 27/07/2019 02:40

What do you mean she's "on the front"?

Topseyt · 27/07/2019 02:47

I can't say I really understand your post.

Original poster
Geek19 · 27/07/2019 02:52

Between the front garden and in the car with my brother.

OP posts:
derekmorgan · 27/07/2019 02:52

I'm not sure I understand what's going on if I'm honest!
What do you mean by "out the front"? And why isn't the baby with its Mum?

QueenOfPain · 27/07/2019 02:54

This all sounds like a recipe for disaster. No advice here, other than you all need to get some bloody boundaries.

Topseyt · 27/07/2019 02:56

It is as clear as mud what is going on here.

All far too complicated obviously.

MaxiPaddy · 27/07/2019 02:57

I have no clue what the fuck I just read.

Asta19 · 27/07/2019 02:57

Ok from what I can gather, brothers girlfriend is outside the house talking to someone at 2am and it’s disrupting the whole house. This woman’s baby woke up while she was outside so OP and her mother needed to take care of the child. Now OP wants to sleep.

OP you are not unreasonable to want everyone in the house sleeping (or at least quiet) at 2am.

1forAll74 · 27/07/2019 02:59

It's all a bit confusing,but this couple sound very disrespectful. That's all I can gather really.

derekmorgan · 27/07/2019 03:01

Right, I've re read it.
So your brothers girlfriend lives with you, but he's not allowed in your house, so she is currently outside with him, and you're worried all the in and out will wake up the children? Is that what's happening?
Yeah that would piss me off. I probably wouldn't say anything now as it's 3am, but I would have a chat tomorrow about it.

NeckPainChairSearch · 27/07/2019 03:02

Ok from what I can gather, brothers girlfriend is outside the house talking to someone at 2am and it’s disrupting the whole house

Yep. It isn't too complicated on a second read.

Obviously, some posters will continue to fall over themselves to say how terribly baffling and confusing it all is, and cannot work out for the life of them what 'on the front' might possibly mean, but there we go.

YANBU with the sounds of it OP.

Original poster
Geek19 · 27/07/2019 03:09

I don’t know anymore I literally feel like I’m the problem. She’s come in now. And now I can’t sleep because I feel bad/ inconsiderate to their situation. I can’t win lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
Geek19 · 27/07/2019 03:11

Thanks for the replies, sorry about the post, my keyboard is slow tonight so I was trying to just get it down 🙈

OP posts:
derekmorgan · 27/07/2019 03:14

From what you have written you sound far from unreasonable!
You've let her move into your home and it sounds like her and your brother are taking the piss. How long has she lived with you?

Original poster
Geek19 · 27/07/2019 03:32

Thanks, that helps ease my mind a little. She’s been here about 2 -3 weeks.
Thought i was being a good person by saying yes but I couldn’t feel more like an annoyance!

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 27/07/2019 03:49

Do any of these people work? Tell him to get their own house. ‘Your mums situation’? You’re a mug, he’s a big boy, it’s your house, Chuck the lot of them out. It’s not safe for random adults; pals, gf you barely know moving in; put your kids first.

NoSauce · 27/07/2019 03:53

How long have you known this woman OP?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 27/07/2019 03:56

They need to go. Really odd setup

Loveislandaddict · 27/07/2019 03:57

You sound very generous letting a complete stranger and her daughter to move in with you.

But why does she need to live with you? What was her set up before? Is she paying rent, contributing to household bills etc. Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Original poster
Geek19 · 27/07/2019 04:05

I met her once for an hour a few weeks before she moved in. She was a friend of my sisters. It’s refreshing to hear these views on it because Iv been feeling like a complete unreasonable nag. We just lost our dad in september so im not at my strongest when it comes to compromise. One of the rules I made before agreeing is if we go out they’ have to because she was basically a stranger to me. This my brother agreed too and moaned about three days in behind my back. The situation has made me feel unreasonable. And she’s nice enough. We dont really have anything in common but she comes across sweet and relaxed. Neither work. My brothers first born passed away a few years ago. I think this is why I feel bad for the fact that I won’t let things slide.

OP posts:
tryingtobebetterallthetime · 27/07/2019 04:06

In the nicest possible way, you need to get some backbone and set some boundaries. What you describe is not OK. You need to put your own children, your Mum, and yourself first. No compromise. If you can set ground rules that work, ok, but otherwise, you brother and his girlfriend need to go.

tryingtobebetterallthetime · 27/07/2019 04:07

You are not, at all, being unreasonable. Chaos is not a way to live and that's what it sounds like,

Original poster
Geek19 · 27/07/2019 04:08

She doesn’t pay but she has to buy her own food in ect. They wanted to move to be away from her ex.

OP posts:
Original poster
Geek19 · 27/07/2019 04:11

I can’t stand chaos. I like predictability. I’m genuinely suprised that you’re not all telling Me im too harsh! LOl

OP posts:
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