Am I being unreasonable? House guest.

[Geek19]

SO my brother can’t stay at my home. Long story. However my mum and I live together through choice. I’m quite a recluse so it suits me and she says her life would be terrible if we didn’t. We get on very well. Anyway my brother has a new girlfriend and she has a 1year old. He asked if she could move in to my house to be closer to him. I said yes out of compromise for my mums situation with him being her son. I’ve banned my brother in the day now because he treat my house like a doss hole inviting his friend and sitting in my kitchen all day. (Even leaving his friend in my kitchen on his his own whilst he went upstairs with his girlfriend, refusing to take his shoes of on my new carpets ect because he’s ‘myms guest so I can’t tell him too’ I paid 475 for it!)
Well I gave her my room and they’re viewing houses. She seems fine. But I have 4 kids and she’s out on the front, it’s 2 o’clock . I don’t want the door going waking up the kids at all hours. ALso they took my mums carwithout asking once so I don’t feel like I trust the situation in and out all night so I cant sleep. The anticipation of them waking the kids up ect. . I’m starting to feel like a control freak 😫

MY mums been taking them to view houses and they’ applied for one today so hopefully! ME and my brother Just clash

You are right to want predictability. Not knowing what on earth is happening next in your home is not ok. It should be your sanctuary, as much as possible. Wanting peace does not mean you are a recluse. Set your priorities and stick to them. You may just find it helps your brother find some stability. One can only hope.

I am sorry about your Dad. It makes it all much harder.

Thankyou, it does because most of my sisters turned their back on my brother. The guy has recently grown a huge chip on his shoulder.
Thankyou! That’s my thought process, I haven’t known how to word that but sums up the situation exactly!! And after reading these I feel a little less horrible.

Tell her to move out. It was obvious from the get go that a random person associated with your selfish brother moving in would be a terrible idea.

That would be so hard because she has the baby and has made herself intentionally homeless and i think my brother has hit rock bottom and I don’t want to be responsible for making his life worse. (I’m not speaking to him and won’t for some time). I think if this house doesn’t pan out, I’m gonna give two weeks. (We go on holiday in two weeks)

Iv been feeling like Iv been overreacting. Then feeling guilty for it.

You are in charge here. If you want to give her two weeks, then set some rules. Pick the things that are most important. For example, if the kitchen visits are an issue, ban them. And make it clear that your Mom's car is off limits. And baby is not left unless there is a formal baby sitting arrangement. These are just suggestions. You and your Mum need to decide what matters to you.

I wish you the best, OP. You have a good heart.

Ahh choked me up lol Thankyou! I will sit with her today and do just that. Thank so much for the advice.

Well if your brother is not allowed in the house what do you expect her to do?

I don’t know. But he knew before she move moved in he couldn’t stay overnight. And I didn’t consider night times at all. ANd Thankyou for Not sugarcoating. I am after honesty

You let a woman and her baby move in who you’d met for an hour? This is all too weird. Have you considered how this affects your kids? They need to know about boundaries, you need to keep them safe. It’s not your place to house your brother or his casual girlfriends who treat your house like a hotel.
How are they going to pay for a house? They need to get jobs, also time to sort things out with your mum, it’s your house, it’s your rules.

Okaaay

Absolute madness

Agreed, madness. Who on earth fills their home with random strangers and their baby and gives them your room, when there’s already you, your mum and four kids living there?

You must be very clear that whatever happens, she moves out in two weeks, 2 days before you go on holiday.

And I would change the lock the minute she leaves.

It is your house, you had no need to agree to let her stay in the first place.

Where are you sleeping if you gave her your room?

That does sound odd written down and is. (My sister was friend she with her though before she got with my brother). I felt bad for the fact my mum and I live together and he’s her son so I said yes. I guess I felt the calling of family loyalty. Her mum is helping with the rent to start when they get somewhere. If I knew I’d end up being the bad guy, I’d have said no. As far as my kids, she had a good reference from my sister. But i definitely see your point. I think with them being younger than me, our lifestyles are different.

Sorry to add to your problems but what is stopping them staying in your house once you are away? Does she have a key?

Two of the kids are my sisters, I have them over atm. (They know her as she was my sisters friend)), haven’t given her a set of keys though. Me and my mum joint the house although my mum would have respected any choice. I think this is a learning curve. She’s not rude and comes across as sweet. I just wanted to know if I’m being harsh or controlling.

Just want to add they have baby sat my sisters kids multiple times. So Iv known of her