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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my mother isn't right

36 replies

Cantsleeppast3am · 26/07/2019 22:55

She made me feel bad about my period , told me to give her my
"soiled" pants when I first started.
Constantly told me she was "finished" with me when I did something she disapproved off(truancy usually)

I've constantly felt like I've disappointed her but I don't feel she's put any effort in- for example, I've a mouth full of fillings because she couldn't make the effort to brush my teeth, her teeth are fine.
It sounds ridiculous but she has always made me feel it's my fault, I was a bad kid

OP posts:
cheeseandbiscuitss · 26/07/2019 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheeseandbiscuitss · 26/07/2019 23:01

Your mother is toxic

Percypigparade · 26/07/2019 23:01

What are you asking? Do you have a relationship with her now? And is it a healthy one?

Verily1 · 26/07/2019 23:04

You should look for the stately homes threads on the relationships board.

What you describe is emotional abuse

Original poster
Cantsleeppast3am · 26/07/2019 23:05

No it doesn't seem to be.
You are right, she has a mother who is a narcissistic but she seems to be worse.
I didn't realise till I had my own child

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantsleeppast3am · 26/07/2019 23:10

She pretty sure hated me when I was a teenager but from 20-35 we were ok. I'm nearly 40 now and she has gone from bad to worse.
I think she is jealous I have my dd,
I'm a single , working mum and she constantly criticises the fact that my house isn't tidy and that I've let myself go.
My priorities are spending time with my child, working part time, and making sure my child is fed properly.

Im

OP posts:
Lucked · 26/07/2019 23:15

Well clearly you have a difficult relationship with your mother.

I don’t think the examples you give (of themselves) are definitive but it all depends on context. Soiled underwear needs to be soaked/treated, parents losing temper at truant child understandable to an extent.The teeth thing - half the British population above a certain age have a mouth full of fillings - we are famous for it. (There has definitely been a cultural shift with regards to not caring for teeth = neglect.)

I think there are probably bigger things that you haven’t listed. A lack of affection, kindness and support for example. It can be hardest to see and articulate the things that are missing from a relationship because you feel you need ‘evidence’ but they are often more important.

Original poster
Cantsleeppast3am · 26/07/2019 23:18

Lucked you are right. These are things from my teens.
I was sexually assaulted by a member of her family and I only told her 15 years after the event, she asked why I didn't tell her earlier and what did I expect her to do all these years later. She is out socially with him tonight Sad

OP posts:
MamaOomMowWow · 26/07/2019 23:23

I've a mouth full of fillings because she couldn't make the effort to brush my teeth

I'm confused. When did you get these fillings? Haven't you had to brush your own teeth?

Do you mean that your mother didn't help you to brush your teeth by reminding you and supplying the necessary equipment or something?

Original poster
Cantsleeppast3am · 26/07/2019 23:25

These fillings were when I was a young child, obviously.

OP posts:
NaviSprite · 26/07/2019 23:26

Horribly degrading and abusive from your Mother.

I was raised by my Grandparents and when I started my periods at age 9 my Gran saw the small bit of dried blood in my knickers and came outside (onto the back garden where I was sat with my older female cousin) she accused me of “shitting” myself (actual words) and the three boys who lived next door heard it too - they went to the same school so word got around fast and I was ridiculed relentlessly afterwards.

My cousin was a God send that day. She forced my Gran back inside and told her it was clearly my period. Then said cousin explained them to me as best she could.

My Gran never apologised or even acknowledged it. Many times I was sent to school with no sanitary pads and had to ask my teacher to help. It left me with an extremely negative view of myself and having periods.

Something I’ve only recently started to move past since having my twins (DS & DD). I would hate for her to feel the same level of shame when she reaches that point in life just because my Gran was so horrible about it.

She also made me feel ashamed when my breasts started to grow in. I was 10 when I hit A-Cup size and kept telling me that boys would only want me for sex now.... at 10 years old. Okay before I derail your thread completely I will say I’m sorry your Mum did/does this with you - it’s a shitty thing to go through x

Original poster
Cantsleeppast3am · 26/07/2019 23:26

No my mother never brushed my teeth

OP posts:
Lucked · 26/07/2019 23:26

I am sorry that happened to you. Your mother’s response is such a huge issue.

What do you expect her to do - believe you and cut that person from their life at the very least. I don’t think I have ever advised anyone to go no contact before but I think you need to remove her from your life. Do you get anything positive from the relationship?

Original poster
Cantsleeppast3am · 26/07/2019 23:30

Navi sprite it is shitty! I used to hide san pro (used) down the side of my bed because I felt so ashamed.
I was so humiliated when my parents searched my room and found it and then told me how disgusting I was!
They also disapproved of all my friends, told me how shitty they were and were from council estates but were so nice to their faces!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantsleeppast3am · 26/07/2019 23:33

Lucked I do think she believes me, just hasn't the guts to say anything!

I am starting to really hate her

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantsleeppast3am · 26/07/2019 23:40

I'm definitely not normal. I've never had a normal relationship, anytime a guy shows interest I think what's wrong with you why you want me???

I don't care about that now, I'm just determined my dd will be well adjusted and I need to know how to go about that.

OP posts:
Custardo · 26/07/2019 23:45

it took me a long time to realise you have no NO obligation to family just because they are faimily

fuck her off dont se her again

Original poster
Cantsleeppast3am · 26/07/2019 23:47

I always thought I needed her but she recently went on holiday for a fortnight and I didn't miss her once

OP posts:
StillMe1 · 27/07/2019 00:02

Did you not have a toothbrush? When you went to the dentist to get all these fillings did he/she never say you have to brush your teeth?

Hiding used Sanpro is a bit yuck. I would not know why you didnt want to get rid.

You think your mum was brought up by someone who was difficult but that might be why she may not have acted like the mother you wanted. Could you not talk this over and help eachother

ithinkiammelting · 27/07/2019 00:23

Could you not talk this over and help eachother

I don't think you understand the nature of toxic and abusive parenting.

StillMe1 · 27/07/2019 00:29

I don't think you understand the nature of toxic and abusive parenting.

I wonder why you would think that! There is no such thing as the perfect parent. Being a is not an exact science.

I would have thought that by about 7 or 8 a child would know things like having a bath, washing hair, brushing teeth.

I still dont get why anyone would not dispose of used Sanpro

StillMe1 · 27/07/2019 00:29

Error Missed word
That should read
Being a parent is not an exact science

Weezol · 27/07/2019 00:45

I would have thought that by about 7 or 8 a child would know things like having a bath, washing hair, brushing teeth.

And how do you think children 'know' that?

MayFayner · 27/07/2019 00:51

I still dont get why anyone would not dispose of used Sanpro

Shame?
Confusion?
Fear?

It’s fine to be unaware, but don’t dismiss other people’s experiences.

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