Would you make your uni-bound dc swap with a sibling who has a smaller room?

[DrMadelineMaxwell]

Dd1 has always had the larger room. She's 18 and off to uni in Sept.
We've always made it clear that dd1 can finally have the larger room while dd1 is at uni and she will have the smaller, almost box room to come and stay in during holidays.

AWBU?

No

Sorry posted to soon.

Yanbu

Not at all, very standard with me and my friends when we went off to uni!

YANBU. It’s DD2s turn and she’s there ft.

Use it or you lose it. Why should a younger sibling be in a small room while one stands empty? They're off, you don't hold a room 'just in case'

Yanbu. The one who is at home the most deserves the space.

You are generously keep a room free for dd to return in the holidays if she wishes. No obligation on you to make that the bigger room.

I did this when my eldest went to uni three years ago. At first she was unhappy but I just said it was youngests turn to have the bigger room. Eldest was slightly annoyed initially but came round to the idea v quickly

At least wait until she actually goes!

I thought we would do this but when the time came I hated the thought that they would feel like they weren't welcome to come home so we kept the rooms as they were.

Dd2 has BIG plans but has firmly been told nothing is happening until.Dd1 has left... that it's big enough a change for her to be leaving home as it is.

Dd2s argument is that SURELY Dd1 would like to arrange her new room to her taste instead of us doing it in her absence..

Nice try dd2.

Besides, my room desperately needs new .carpet so the first thing that will happen is that our furniture will go in the empty room first for a week so we can decorate properly.

Dd1 has said she's fine with the room swap, but she's been aware for several years that this would be the plan.

We are in a similar position and decided to wait until the beginning of DS1's second year before swapping bedrooms.

During his first year he spent more weeks at home than he did at university. Also, he had enough change going on in his life and it felt right to keep his room as something that stayed the same.

I think it's fair to swap them but if the rooms are very different sizes you could keep a bit of space in the bigger room for the older child to have a bit of extra storage for stuff when back?
Why nearly all semis have this layout of two doubles and a box room I really don't know - it's absolutely maddening!

Of course not. We are doing exactly the same. Which has the unfortunate result of ds almost counting the days until his sister leaves and me trying to make time slow down! 🤣

Ah - we are doing it before she goes for several reasons. She is absolutely fine with that though otherwise I would rethink.

Of course it's fine, as long as DD1 still has a bedroom, it's quite standard.

They can always swap back in the future if need be.

Personally I wouldn’t do it. Dd has the largest room in our house and I’d hate her to feel like we couldn’t wait for her to move out to give it to ds or for us to have it. We plan to leave it exactly as it is. When she finally has her own “home” then we will have a shift about. Starting uni is still very much living at home really, well home is still their home I think. (My dd is 16 so this is something on the horizon for us)!

I had to do this when I went to university. It seemed perfectly fair, plus I got a budget for new paint/furnishings so it was "mine".

why should the 2nd born (they didn't ask to be 2nd) have to always have the small room? We moved a lot and took it in turns to have the big room

To add: the alternative, to keep a younger child in a no room whilst a bigger room sits empty half the year seems really shitty. What sort of message does that send?

My parents did this with me and my brother when I was younger and I was fine with it. Like a pp though, my parents waited until my first year was complete, so DB moved into my room after I went back to uni for my 2nd year,

I also had to do this when I went to uni and also think it's just fine (and the uni I went to had very short terms so I was home a lot). It would have felt totally mad for my brother to be in a small room with a much larger one just sat there empty next door.

Generally I think MN is very harsh on late teens/young adult children, but making a younger sibling have a smaller room so that an adult doesn't 'experience too much change at once' feels a bit precious to me!

Starting uni is still very much living at home really, well home is still their home I think.

I absolutely agree with that, but swapping room doesn't go against it.
Nothing against swapping rooms regularly either.

DD2 needs to hold her horses a bit. DD1 can do any rearranging she wants when she's home at Christmas.

Dd will be going to university in two years. I’ve think she’s known pretty much forever that she will then move into ds2’s smallest room and he will move into hers (unless ds1 chooses to - he prob won’t and he’s closest in age to dd so likely to be heading off to university when/if dd moves home after. Then he will be finishing university as ds2 goes off.

Pretty much the same set up as with me and my brothers, we gradually moved through the bedrooms as we went off to university/came home after, until we all left home (by mid twenties in case of brothers, earlier for me). I was a tad disgruntled as the youngest because had imagined would finally get the biggest bedroom forever, but a brother moved home while I was at university and moved me out pronto!

Anyway - the 4th bedroom is about11 by 8 so not tiny tiny. We recently had large cupboards put in the kids’ bathroom with a view to setting aside the equivalent of at least a double wardrobe for most of her clothes and other things she wants to store. Plan would be for her to have a small double bed, a desk and a chest of drawers for knickers and stuff, with wall shelves for books etc in her new room. She will have a freeish rein for decoration and we will do that in the summer before she heads off.

YANBU

I’d do the same but elder DD has always had the box room as she prefers it