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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you make your uni-bound dc swap with a sibling who has a smaller room?

49 replies

DrMadelineMaxwell · 26/07/2019 17:45

Dd1 has always had the larger room. She's 18 and off to uni in Sept.
We've always made it clear that dd1 can finally have the larger room while dd1 is at uni and she will have the smaller, almost box room to come and stay in during holidays.

AWBU?

OP posts:

Rainbowknickers · 26/07/2019 20:36

I moved (kicked) out on the Friday morning
By 12 noon my brother had my room
Yanbu

Orangecake123 · 26/07/2019 20:39

I previously had my own room and it was cleared out when i was gone. I personally hated the idea of other people going through my stuff.

Coming back for the summer or Christmas and going back to having to share with my other sister- just left me feeling displaced.

Bluthbanana · 26/07/2019 20:40

YANBU at all. It's DD2's turn - why should a room sit empty from September to June, excepting the Christmas break? If you do it before DD1 leaves for uni it gives her time to bed in to her new room before she goes, so it's less of a big deal coming back to a different bedroom when she does, and she's also actually there to have input with the decoration and where her stuff goes.

Lind57 · 26/07/2019 20:40

I shared a room with my two sisters, so they just took over my space when I went off to uni!

Lind57 · 26/07/2019 20:43

That's a bit different Orangecake123, as you weren't left with any place to call your own in the house. A smaller bedroom isn't a massive hardship and it isn't giving the message they're not wanted at home. It's just more fair to the younger sibling.

SoyDora · 26/07/2019 20:46

I don’t really get why the oldest automatically gets the biggest room anyway to be honest. The youngest didn’t ask to be born last! We organise rooms by need rather than by age (DD2 has more and bigger toys than DD1, so she has the bigger room. DD1 just needs room for a desk and craft stuff).
Anyway, I think it’s fine to swap rooms when DC1 goes. Absolutely no point having a large room sitting empty half the year while your younger DC is cramped in a smaller room.

NuttyOrNice · 26/07/2019 20:46

We always got the kids to rotate who had the smallest room. I find it a bit old fashioned that the PFB always seems to get the biggest room.

My husband is in his 60s and his Mam still has his bedroom looking the same as it did when he left home 40 odd years ago.

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/07/2019 20:48

Its fine.
I actually offered the big room to my younger sister when I moved away for Uni.

DropZoneOne · 26/07/2019 20:55

It's fine. Same happened to me - i was the eldest with a room almost twice the size of my brother's. When i went to uni, he got my old room but had to live with my choice of wallpaper and furniture as it had been so expensive! I moved into the much smaller room, which was then redecorated (imagine a 14 year old boy's room). In the first year i xame home quite a lot, but after that i got summer jobs away so i wasn't at home that much - was only fair that the smaller room was the empty one.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 26/07/2019 20:55

Eldest has the middle-sized room at the moment, youngest has the box room, middle child had the box room for a long time in a previous house so he’s in the biggest one now. Eldest and youngest will swap the summer before dd goes to uni. She won’t want us sorting her stuff out, and also we’ll redecorate the room for her (dinosaur wallpaper not really her thing). If she decided not to go to uni it would still be her turn for the small room.

My parents just moved to a new house with no room for me ...

Sandybval · 26/07/2019 21:00

YANBU, it absolutely makes sense. Good luck to your DD at uni.

Reallybadidea · 26/07/2019 21:06

YANBU. Ds1 and ds2 were sharing a room until Ds1 went to university. When Ds1 is back for the holidays he now sleeps in our garden room (heating, lighting, WiFi etc but no bathroom). This is so that ds2 can have a double bed as he's pretty tall so uncomfortable in a single.

I don't see why the younger child should have to make do when there's another alternative.

Lepetitpiggy · 26/07/2019 21:09

Oh God yes, we did this when ds went off last year. Each of the three dc has had the tiny room, then the big room as one moves on.. DD has made the big room hers now (its quite sentimental thinking how the room has evolved) and ds is quite ok to be sleeping in the smaller room on his university vacations. Everyone is happy!

Youwantshoesinashoeshop · 26/07/2019 21:14

Totally fine and fair. Will do oldest a lot of good to realise they are not perptual centre of the universe! Younger sibs learn this early on.

I'm an only.... no axe to grind and my room was turned over to seedlings when i went to uni. Completely fine with me!

OrchidInTheSun · 26/07/2019 21:14

You know there is no rule that the eldest child has the biggest room. Why have you done that?

I think it's really weird that families still do this. It's a really good way to build resentment in younger siblings.

Original poster

DrMadelineMaxwell · 26/07/2019 21:18

Plenty of people give their eldest the bigger room then don't turf them out once a sibling is born.
Although dd1 would def argue it's not fair.

Smaller room isn't teeny tiny but does only fit a single bed, wardrobe, small bookshelf and small desk without much floor space or scope for rearranging furniture as it all fits in just 2 arrangements

OP posts:

MrsGrammaticus · 26/07/2019 21:19

Yes, we are going to do this.

Original poster

DrMadelineMaxwell · 26/07/2019 21:22

Dd1 will also be given the bookcase on the landing outside her room for her belongings.

OP posts:

mummysherlock · 26/07/2019 21:39

YANBU. As soon as I left for uni, my younger DSis got my larger room. DM was not prepared to have a larger room in the house empty for weeks on end and even when I did come home for the holidays/ odd weekend here and there a lot of my stuff was at my uni accommodation so I didn’t need the extra space.
When I moved back home after graduating for a few years, my dsis still kept the larger room - DP’s felt that as I had that room all those years whilst we were growing up it was now her turn.
We will be doing the same if mine decide to go to uni.

OrchidInTheSun · 26/07/2019 21:41

I know that plenty of people do. I'm just pointing out that there is no law that says your eldest daughter should automatically get the bigger room and that perhaps your younger daughters argument that it makes sense that they swap before she goes back to school is not such a bad idea?

Groovee · 26/07/2019 21:45

Dd offered this last year to her brother. She's refused to help. I had all these plans for both rooms and can't do any as her room is a shit tip and I tried to tidy it but it was beyond me.

Original poster

DrMadelineMaxwell · 26/07/2019 21:53

I'm looking forward to the chance to get on there and decorate as dd1 has been so focussed on exams etc ever since y10 that she's not wanted any upheaval.

So it will be...
Dd out and settled
Our furniture into her room so we can decorate our room... new carpet etc.
Decorate bigger room.to dd2s taste.
Dd1 can choose colour scheme for her new room.at Christmas and will have the chance to make it her style and taste.

OP posts:

Ruralretreating · 26/07/2019 21:54

When my DB went to Uni, I stayed in my tiny box room but used his much larger room as a study/recreation room in term time. He didn’t feel displaced and I had loads of space! Missed him more than I valued the extra space though.

Bibijayne · 27/07/2019 08:31

YANBU. I thought this is what most families do?

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