To not want to host an exchange student for a week?

[FeelingForced]

Preteen DD goes to a club for a weekly activity. The people who run the club have invited a team of teenagers who're into the same activity to come over to our country (in Asia) for a week. This was decided without consulting any of the parents of the children in the club.

Now we're all being asked to host at least one student each for a week. I really don't want to do this. We live in a small apartment with no spare bedroom. I'd normally ask teen DS to vacate his room for guests, but he has examinations on at that time and moving him out of his room would disrupt his work. DDs room is too small to have anyone else staying in it and she still has a child's bed, so a teenager definitely wouldn't fit into it!

And most of all, I just don't want to . I only work part time, but I have a hectic schedule during that whole month and to take time off to show someone around town might be possible, but so, so exhausting.

The main person in charge of the club can be quite a steamroller and has already told my DD that even if I don't want to, I'll have to manage it somehow. DD loves the activity and there's no other club nearby that has it.

So AIBU to say no and keep saying no? And if I'm not BU, how can I convince them that I really can't? There are three months left and I'm really worrying about it.

Just literally ignore it... You haven't actually been asked yet.

I don't think Host families get DBS'ed in many countries. Do they in UK?

No they don't ime. When dd has done her exchanges we have never been asked for a DBS. TBH we've had limited information and school have asked even less about us. Likewise dd knew little about her families beforehand - one was even moving apartments part way through her stay!!

“It’s a bit awkward, really, because we don’t yet know the outcome of DH’s trial.

I do wish you'd asked when you first arranged the trip. I would have told you then that we won't be able to host.

It’s a bit awkward, really, because we don’t yet know the outcome of DH’s trial

A bit risky perhaps ... he'd probably see "DH going to jail" as an ideal opportunity in freeing up another bed space

@Puzzled

I've just read through all the replies and I'm feeling less guilty about having to say no.

To be fair to the activity leader, they have been running this club for years for the sheer love of this activity and to enable children to learn. The fees are nominal and I'm sure they don't gain from the overseas students coming over either. They are also the kind of person who would probably be able to host half-a-dozen kids and take it in their stride and perhaps assume that we would all be the same.

I have told DD that if the leader asks her again, she is to say that her mother said that it's definitely not possible and that I will speak to them. The leader knows DS well as he did the same activity for years and eventually discontinued because of needing to focus on academics for a while!

As suggested by PPs, I will frame my response as wishing I could, but it just not being possible right now. That's true enough, as in a few years, if DS is away, DD would be delighted to help host a visiting teenager. I don't want to be rude, as the teacher has really put in a lot of effort with the club and has probably organized this with good intentions, though not much planning by the looks of it.

DD would definitely not be going on a reciprocal trip. That's not happened in all the years I've known the club. I spoke to a friend of mine who used to live here and whose DC also attended and she reminded me that she had been persuaded to host two young teens some years ago. It was an awkward week, as the students were dealing with jet lag, homesickness, a language barrier, a very different climate and a complete change in cuisine. The teens were understandably unhappy and my friend had a hard time hosting them.

Thank you to everyone who replied!

You're very loyal to the club leader, OP, but I'm afraid I'm totally unimpressed by the bullying way he spoke to your DD. Sometimes people who do things "for the good of the community" actually believe they are owed something in return and can be very self righteous.

It'll be interesting to know if he tells you to 'make it possible'!

You don't have to - even if you had spare bedrooms. Not everyone likes the idea of strangers in their house. Just tell them your son is doing exams and you don't have the room. And repeat, And repeat.

Who would let their kid board alone at a random house, they cannot be from England because it's simply not allowed, the exchange trips are a minimum of two students per house and billets are dbs checked or whatever the local equivalent is.

I realise I come across as loyal to the club leader, but that's because DS reached a fairly high level at this activity thanks to the training he received. I'm not happy with being my agreement being taken for granted like this though, and DD being pressured by them.

As for DBS checks, nobody in this whole situation is British. I'm Asian, as are the other members of the club, the teacher included and the visiting students are from mainland Europe.

Someone has invited another person to stay in your house for a month without asking you??

I'd certainly remain polite but id go directly to them and say no. Don't rely on your dd making it clear tbh.

A week sorry

Same applies though!

Gosh just say you don't have room

Or better yet 'gosh we would love to, but one of the conditions of DH's parole is to stay away from minors.'

DH has been present at almost all their events though, so that excuse isn't going to work!

Dear Club leader,

Dd has come home with the most outrageous story that you have organised an exchange trip without first consulting with parents/guardians to see if hosting was possible. I told her she must have misunderstood and I was sure you would never do this as you are an efficient and polite individual.

Please be aware that we would be unable to host an exchange student, should such a program be on the cards, as we have no spare bedrooms.

Regards.
Feeling Forced.

@stucknoue - not so in my experience, my DC have gone on exchanges and we've hosted - one student per household, no checks on either side.

Seems mad when you think about it...

To the posters suggesting OP pretends her DH is a nonce, just WTF? That is the maddest "solution" to what is simply a case of growing a pair and using your voice.

Framing your husband as a paedo??

Say no and if activity leader presses add “if this was going to be an issue it should have been raised before these students were invited” and then move to “being repeatedly asked after I’ve said no is making me uncomfortable”.

@Bezalelle - To the posters suggesting OP pretends her DH is a nonce, just WTF? That is the maddest "solution" to what is simply a case of growing a pair and using your voice.

It's called humour. Nobody is seriously suggesting this.

Waaaaait a minute, no one has actually asked you to host!

Tell your daughter than any requests like this are between adults, nothing to do with her.

If anyone does approach you, just say 'Nope, can't this time. Enjoy!'

The club leader sounds a bit of a bully the way she spoke to DD.
What a terrible disorganised way to arrange things by inviting people to stay without finding them accommodation first. The silly mare could end up with kids camping all over her own house.
Stick to it op

The person should have consulted parents first. I would just say no. Not no sorry. Just no.