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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu asking for the money back

77 replies

Hahaha88 · 26/07/2019 14:18

Yesterday a friend of mine had forgotten her purse and obviously as it was belting hot I was concerned about her dehydrating so I offered her to get herself a drink using my card (I'd just been in for one before she met up with us) she gratefully accepted. Later I saw it was a couple of quid she'd spent. Not great amounts but baring in mind my drink had cost me around 50p I was surprised (it was one of the discount shops). My other friend happened to mention she hasn't just bought a drink. I was frustrated as she didn't even offer to reimburse me so I messaged her and politely asked if she could send me over the money. She did, but didn't reply to me so I assume she's annoyed with me.
I'm not particularly well off which she knows but if it was just a cheap drink I would have told her not to worry if she'd offered me the money. Anyway now I'm thinking I wbu in asking for it?

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 26/07/2019 21:17

Did she buy other stuff? Did you see it?

Your other friend seems to be the only person who saw her with something she presumes you paid for.

Binglebong · 26/07/2019 21:55

I think some people here don't have much idea of how tight money can be. For jobseekers allowance, if over 25, you get a weekly allowance of £73.10. From that you pay gas, electric, water, phone, transport, toiletries etc. Including anything set up before you got in this situation. You could easily be left with £10 or £20 a week for food. Or less, many people are.

So you treat yourself to a drink for 50p. Your friend is desperate so you do the same for her- a calculated decision. £2 extra could be 10% of your income for the week - you might be willing to sacrifice 50p but that extra £2 can be really hard. I've paid for people to get bread and milk before because they have simply run out of money and food bank use are at a record high. "Just" £2 can be a lot.

I have no idea of the OP's situation. But it is entirely possible that £2 less is going to cause problems.

Asta19 · 26/07/2019 21:55

@Cheeserton
I know! I’m a bit Shock at this thread too!
MN usually loves calling out a CF but apparently in this case it’s ok cos it’s “only “ £2

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 27/07/2019 08:08

Storm in a teacup. Tell her you weren't bothered about the drink but you'd like to be reimbursed for the other purchases. You were silly to give anyone your card. Lesson learned.

cstaff · 27/07/2019 11:01

@Binglebong Well if you are in that position then don't offer. To most people 2 quid is fuck all and they wouldn't think about it again, never mind asking for it to be transferred.

coconuttelegraph · 27/07/2019 11:08

So cstaff no one who is hard up is allowed to treat a friend to a 50 p drink?

Of course they can, you seem to be missing the point that being able to afford 50p doesn't mean you can afford £2, that's not hard to grasp is it?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/07/2019 11:12

Well if you are in that position then don't offer. To most people 2 quid is fuck all and they wouldn't think about it again, never mind asking for it to be transferred

This ^^

I’d have not dreamt of asking someone to transfer that tiny amount back. I’d assume they would get the drinks next time. Don’t friends just do nice things for friends without expecting it back anymore?

AnnieOH1 · 27/07/2019 11:20

Honestly the amount doesn't matter, it would be no different to being in a bar and her ordering no only the £6 glass of wine but also the £12 entree and saying nothing about it, or sending someone to withdraw £100 and they withdraw £300. It really is the principle not the value.

The only thing that would concern me (if it was a friend of mine) would be if she had done it because it was the only opportunity to get food. I wonder if she thought "well a drink would normally be £2 so I can spend 50p on a can and then get £1.50 worth of chocolate" and was too embarrassed to admit it?

DrFoxtrot · 27/07/2019 11:51

I agree it's the principle - she's a CF.

AllsfairOrisit · 27/07/2019 12:07

What else did she buy????

SagAloojah · 27/07/2019 12:16

Well done for standing up yourself, OP. It doesn't matter if it's £2 or £20, you only gave her permission to buy a drink, not several items. She abused yoir generosity and trust.

Beautiful3 · 27/07/2019 12:28

Are you sure she didn't spend it on a nice bottle of drink? The smoothie type or an appletiser can be pricey. How do you know she bought somerhing else? I think you should have specified your budget e.g. "grab yourself a drink up to a pound."

alreadytaken · 27/07/2019 12:32

if she had asked for £1.50 cashback in the shop it might be rather more obvious that this is theft. You did not agree to the purchase of anything but a drink. Maybe some people think stealing a small sum of money from a friend is perfectly reasonable but most people wont. However you are daft to give your card to anyone.

Would I call a friend out for a small theft - maybe not but I'm not going to say someone else is unreasonable for doing so. I wouldnt trust them again.

MrMeSeeks · 27/07/2019 12:49

Did she actually buy something else or was it just that her drink was more expensive?
My drinks always cost ore than some of my friends ( only drink certain things)

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 27/07/2019 12:53

I feel like mumsnet should come with a reminder pop up every time you open it reading:

'Please note: not everyone is as wealthy as you and your circle.'

Some people on this forum have zero understanding of low income/poverty.

Funghi · 27/07/2019 12:59

Did she know your drink was 50p and that was her expected budget?

What did she spend the extra £1.50 on? If it was a larger bottle of water or 2 to last her the day then you’re being absolutely ridiculous.

I’d find it very awkward to be around you again if you asked me to transfer £2...

But then I’d also feel uncomfortable being around someone who felt it was ok to take more than they’ve been offered.

boosterrooster · 27/07/2019 13:15

You felt comfortable enough to handover your card to her to use which would indicate to me that guys are quite close friends? In which case she may not have thought anything of spending an extra £1 or £2 and assumed that because it was such a small amount that you'd be ok with it?
It's possible that it was a mistake also, shop may have overcharged her?

adaline · 27/07/2019 13:22

Some people on this forum have zero understanding of low income/poverty.

If I was so broke that I couldn't afford £2 for my friend to buy themselves a drink, I wouldn't just let them take my bank card! I'd go with them or just buy them what I could afford.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 27/07/2019 13:34

Why won't you tell us what else she bought?

AnnabelleBronstein · 27/07/2019 13:52

If a good friend spotted me for anything up to £20 it wouldn’t even cross my mind to reimburse them. Nor would I expect it back in the reverse situation. If you’re that hard up, don’t offer.

Mollieben1 · 27/07/2019 14:01

I wouldn't ask for the money back BUT I would be mightily pissed off. Next time you are out just ask her to buy the drinks as it's her turn...

HennyPennyHorror · 27/07/2019 14:11

YANBU OP. If you need that 2 pounds then of course she should have known that and offered it or just handed it over.

I was once very, very poor and out with a mate...she didn't have cash on her so I covered her at a cafe...she said she'd draw it out of the bank for me that day.

It was almost time to say goodbye later in the day and she hadn't got the cash out so I had to ask her. I was so embarrassed but that tenner was literally all I had for the week.

And it was only Tuesday.

She looked at me like she couldn't believe it. I just think some people...even if they know you well...have no real idea about poverty because they've never experienced it at all.

It's unimaginable that there's no magic cash tree to go to.

NuttyOrNice · 27/07/2019 16:19

I would ask for the money back and I wouldn't be embarrassed about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

CountArthursgroupie · 04/08/2019 12:26

32% haves and 68% have nots, it seems. £2 is a lot to many of us, but if the extra made the OP go overdrawn it would have been a lot more. How would the CF know if that was going to happen or not?

Krisskrosskiss · 04/08/2019 12:35

If you're skint and she knew that and she used your card to buy more than just a drink... then YANBU. That was a shitty thing of her to do. I've been in the position of only having a few quid in my bank before I know what it's like. I'd still buy someone a drink if they needed one... but to use your card to buy extra stuff when you are skint... that's shoddy behaviour and she should pay you back even if it's only a couple of pounds. There are times in my life where a couple of quid was the difference between me eating and not eating.. so I get it.

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