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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu asking for the money back

77 replies

Hahaha88 · 26/07/2019 14:18

Yesterday a friend of mine had forgotten her purse and obviously as it was belting hot I was concerned about her dehydrating so I offered her to get herself a drink using my card (I'd just been in for one before she met up with us) she gratefully accepted. Later I saw it was a couple of quid she'd spent. Not great amounts but baring in mind my drink had cost me around 50p I was surprised (it was one of the discount shops). My other friend happened to mention she hasn't just bought a drink. I was frustrated as she didn't even offer to reimburse me so I messaged her and politely asked if she could send me over the money. She did, but didn't reply to me so I assume she's annoyed with me.
I'm not particularly well off which she knows but if it was just a cheap drink I would have told her not to worry if she'd offered me the money. Anyway now I'm thinking I wbu in asking for it?

OP posts:
firawla · 26/07/2019 15:37

You are the one who offered, and it’s £2... I’d leave it. You’re making yourself look petty. Just don’t offer again?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 26/07/2019 15:41

You are the one who offered, and it’s £2... I’d leave it. You’re making yourself look petty.

Did you miss the part where the OP said money was tight? A couple of quid is ridiculously cheeky when the Op's drink from the same shop cost 50p. If a friend offers to buy you a drink you surely don't buy the most expensive one you can find and then add in other items on top of that. The Op is not being petty at all.

ysmaem · 26/07/2019 15:52

Very cheeky of her part to buy something other than a drink using your card.

Butterflyone1 · 26/07/2019 15:55

I'm sorry but who needs friends like you if you're really going to begrudge spending a couple of quid on a friend.

Christ knows where you hang out if it's the discount shops. It seems utterly pathetic to be asking for the money back within a few hours.

I think you've rightly lost a friend over this. very sad considering you said this is out of character for her.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 26/07/2019 16:01

Well aren't you a peach butterflyone1 not all of us have money to just throw away.

I'm sure the Op is a lovely person hence offering to buy her friend a drink but no matter how little money it was the fact remains that the friend took the piss and its not unreasonable to want reimbursing for the items she purchased.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 26/07/2019 16:07

What else did she buy?

IsobelRae23 · 26/07/2019 16:15

What else did she buy?

Looking4wards · 26/07/2019 16:21

So it was £2 instead of the 50p you expected? I'd say she was a bit cheeky.
Is she quite well off, so wouldn't think of an extra £1.5 as 'worth mentioning'? Either way, she should have offered to pay you back as soon as she could.

Original poster
Hahaha88 · 26/07/2019 16:47

@Butterflyone1
Well I'd pick to have all my social events in discount stores over a single event with you based upon your reply. So course's for horses I suppose?

To everyone else. Thank you for your replies. I probably should have just let it go as, like I said, it was out of character and I'm sure she meant to offer to repay me. However it's done now. I do feel the need to say she is generally a very lovely person and I'm sure (hopefully) she won't hold it against me asking for the money back, anymore than I'll hold it against her for getting something else.

OP posts:
Howlovely · 26/07/2019 18:43

I can see how it might have happened in that she forgot her purse, you kindly offered her your card and she may have seen that as an offer to lend her the money she needed. In which case, she should have said, oh I bought xyz so I owe you £3.60, I'll transfer it as soon as I get home, but could that be the reason why she did it do you think? You say yourself it is not like her so may be it was just a bit of a misunderstanding? Or maybe she didn't realise how tight things are and thought, what's a couple of quid between friends. Ultimately she was thoughtless in not repaying but you may have been a little hasty in asking for it back before giving her much time. I'm sure you'll work it out.

SavingSpaces2019 · 26/07/2019 18:54

perhaps she just forgot to say about giving me the money back?
She didn't forget.
She just felt entitled to spend your money.

A decent person would have come back fgrom the shop and said "oh, i hope you don't mind i also bought xyz?"
Thereby creating the opportunity for YOU to choose whether you wanted it back or not.
Two pounds may not mean anything to a lot of people, including this friend, but that couple of quid could be the difference between going overdrawn - and then being charged for that.

Funny how CF's who think you're being 'petty over a couple of quid' are the ones who conveniently 'forget' their wallets....

Angrybird123 · 26/07/2019 19:00

I think for those sneering at the £2 you should think about it in % terms. The op was expecting her friend to spend 50p, maybe even a £1 but she spent two, so that's at least double what was expected. Try thinking of it in those terms of you really can't imagine £2 being an issue.

Asta19 · 26/07/2019 19:51

For me it isn’t about the money. It’s the principle. She said she was just getting a drink. She didn’t come back and say to OP, oh I hope you don’t mind but I picked up x while I was here. OP only found out later. I wouldn’t like the sneakiness of it. When I worked in an office a colleague would often ask me to pick up something small for her when I went for a walk at lunchtime. A banana or some peanuts, that type of thing. Only she never ever gave me the money. Yes I could “afford” not to ask for it but she was a CF. The amount of money isn’t important. You don’t take advantage of people’s kindness.

OW98765 · 26/07/2019 19:57

You are the one who offered, and it’s £2... I’d leave it. You’re making yourself look petty. Just don’t offer again?

^ I agree. To ask for £2 back is petty.

username678889 · 26/07/2019 19:57

To be fair if money was tight you shouldn't have given her card and said get yourself a drink . You should of either bought her a cheap one or tell her can you just buy a 50p drink . Yabu I would laugh if someone demanded I pay back £2 after they had offered to buy me a drink but I also wouldn't except someone's card I would just buy my own .
I think you need to put this down to experience be clear in future it's not worth falling out about .

Troels · 26/07/2019 19:59

Lesson learned OP, never hand your card to anyone.

Caucho · 26/07/2019 20:16

It’s not petty. She took the piss. Would be different if she’d said I’m sorry I also bought x but will repay. £3 isn’t a lot of money to me and I don’t keep a tab on rounds and who owes who as long as it seems reciprocal. But the principle would piss me off and the actual amount of money involved doesn’t change the principle

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 26/07/2019 20:22

It doesn't matter if it was £2 or £20. If your friend kindly offers to buy you a drink and gives you their card to do so, you buy nothing other than a drink. Anything else is taking the piss. Who even does that?? So, yes, asking for £2 back in general is petty but the circumstances in this instance justify it completely. Your friend is a CF.

Caucho · 26/07/2019 20:24

If I said use my card to buy a bottle of water or a pint or whatever and they did so then of course that’s fine (wouldn’t have had a 50p or 2 quid price in mind). I’d be annoyed if they bought the water / pint, plus a chocolate bar, bag of crisps and sandwich to eat later without even acknowledging it

dayswithaY · 26/07/2019 20:25

She's an adult so I wouldn't have been overly concerned with her not having a drink all day, presumably she can plan for herself? That said, I would let the £2 slide - if you can afford to just this once but now know never to do it again. You live and learn. I had a CF do this to me, turned to me all big eyes and baby voice and said "I really need a coffee, can you buy me one?" I agreed then she turned to her children and her friend's children and said "Who wants a hot chocolate?" I quietly told her my thoughts, she got the message.

newmomof1 · 26/07/2019 20:33

Did she buy a drink? What else did she buy?

I think it would be unreasonable if she just bought a bigger drink but if she got a cake as well, you would not be unreasonable.

Don't let it bother you now as you have your money back.
Just act normal with her and hopefully she just didn't bother messaging back because it's unnecessary and she didn't have anything important to say.

Applejack5 · 26/07/2019 20:42

It was a bit cheeky if she bought extras with your card but at the end of the day it was only £2. What did she buy other than a drink? Maybe she just bought a more expensive drink than the one you had?

If I lent my friend a couple of quid for a drink etc. I wouldn't even expect it back, I'd just assume they'd treat me to a drink next time.

19lottie82 · 26/07/2019 20:45

£2 isn’t a lot for a soft drink. It’s your friend. You sound really petty.
I would never ask someone for £2 back.

ThisHereMamaBear · 26/07/2019 21:08

I don't think yabu but I suppose if she came out to you and checked, "do you mind if I buy a sandwich too" would you think that's a bit unnecessary? She's probably embarrassed you asked for it back. I'd just text reminding her that you don't have much money x

Cheeserton · 26/07/2019 21:14

Can't believe so many here think it's fine that she didn't just buy the drink offered but other stuff too. Price is completely and utterly irrelevant in this situation. She took the piss.

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