Cousin age 24 does nothing.

[stopitandtidyupp]

I know it's not my place to say but I can't help but worry.
We are a close family. My Auntie lives with her daughter,her husband and their adult son age 25. I used to be very close to him but now he doesn't answer many messages and shuts down completely.

He quit uni in the second year of his course. He had an illness he was in a lot of pain. So was bed bound for 6 months when 19.

However since then he has done nothing except play on computer games all day, goes out with friends now and than. He won't even sign on the JSA. If we say anything he shuts down and won't answer.

Auntie enables him. Buys food pays stuff for him. He has it made really. I worry he has gone so far that he has no confidence for the real world. It's just so sad.

Has anybody got any experience with enablers or this situation turned round? I know it's not my place and probably not much I can do. We are worried though as it seems such a waste.

What do you mean he doesn't do anything? He managed to age a whole year in a couple of sentences!

What has the GP said, he sounds depressed to me.

She is doing him no favours but getting back to the real world will be very challenging for him. Claiming JSA will be demanding (compared to what he’s used to). A better starting place might be a regular hobby out of the house, taking on more responsibility in the house and looking for voluntary work in a supportive environment.

None of your business.

I don’t think spending all his time sitting in his bedroom by himself with no social interaction, no job, no friends and no career is having it made. But I do think his Mum is not doing him any favours. Can you suggest to her that she needs to encourage him to go to the GP.

None of your business.

To be worried about a family member? Of course it is, what a cold society we're turning into.

OP sounds like he really needs to see someone. Have you spoken with your aunt and voiced your concerns? If he was bed bound for that long and in pain presumably he was taking pain killers, they're very addictive and I know of a few people who ended up hooked and depressed after long injuries.

There’s no point in him claiming jsa if he’s got no intentions of actually looking for work.
You could talk to him or your aunt about it but people have to help themselves. I’m sure your aunt has already spoken to him, she’s probably fed up with the situation too

There are quite a few support schemes for those 25 and under so now its the right time to try to address this - I take it he's not claiming any benefits at all? Is your sister prepared to have 'the talk' with him and say he must get help?

This is an example of a charity that provides support to under 25s - www.groundwork.org.uk/Pages/Category/young-people

... but there will be others local to you. You can make enquiries (or your sister can) at the local library, YMCA or local council office.

Sorry got confused I see its your cousin, so I mean Aunt not sister!

Since when has depression been anything to about.
Me and mine are alright, Jack.

He is about 24/25 not sure exactly. His 21st party was a few years back

We have tried speaking to his mum and Gran but they just pull a face. There is no telling them.
His Dad said he needs tough love but then doesn't stick up to them.

I don't understand why you're so involved when you don't even know how old he is?

so OP are you trying to say there's been a massive decline in his mental health in a short period of time?

or...are you trying to say that since being 20 and 25, he's fallen into a habit of playing at home and having his folks look after him?

My mum is 80, she has friends in their 80s, we think their son is my age - 43 - and he did similar after his degree. They do everything for him. Tbh I think he has a cushy life. He lives on the attic floor of their house, games all day, has everything provided for him in terms of cash and household services etc etc.

there has been a lot of talk that he might be depressed - he might - but he might also be thinking "win! I never have to earn a living and will inherit the house".

I do have mental health issues and sorry to say I have noticed an increase in people saying they have it when they certainly haven't been to a doctor.....

are you worried he's ill, unhappy, or just taking the piss?

We are a close family. My Auntie lives with her daughter,her husband and their adult son age 25. I used to be very close to him but now he doesn't answer many messages and shuts down completely

Can you clarify please, your aunt lives with her daughter and the daughters son? So you are getting overly involved in your cousins family to the point of second cousin. Back off. There are more than enough adults involved as it is.

Unless you are financially supporting your cousin, which I assume you are not, then it is none of your business.

I'd be encouraging him to sign up for jobseekers so that he gets National Insurance credits, otherwise he will find it much tougher to get the State Pension when he is of retirement age. He won't be able to be looked after by his parents once they have died of old age.

Ha op look at my thread and see that it doesn't get better.

I had an aunt who took it upon herself to be concerned with what everyone else in the family was doing and now we all avoid her as we’re sick of her interfering.

I don't understand why you're so involved when you don't even know how old he is?

I forget my age too. Thought I was 38 but I am not I am 39. I don't think that's a true measure of closeness. I could work it out.

He was born 95. So 24.

It's him you'd have to speak to and if he won't then there's little that you can do.

For all those saying MYOB, on every published suicide/mental health breakdown incident, the question is asked, "why didn't the Family do anything".

If our Family members don't look out for us, who will?

Rosa that's exactly it. It sounds pretty similar. It's his Gran that's the worst just Mother less so.

I am worried it could be all if those things. What will he do when something happens to them?
Will he expect me and my sis to step up? I won't do what they do.

Unless you are financially supporting your cousin, which I assume you are not, then it is none of your business.

So I can't be worried or concerned? Ok then.

He has relied on me a lot. I took him to London for his 18th as he hadn't really been out if his pit village. None of them travel.

What's your main concern. Why would they expect you and your sister to take over. He's not your responsibility. See if he will go out for a day with you to get out the house and maybe offer to join something with him.

If not one else is trying to motivate him, then I absolutely think YANBU. That's what family are for. It's awful to see someone you love live in shadows, and I have seen situations where the child becomes a man-child who loses his shit once the mother dies.