to ask for advice on how to feel less guilty :(

[smokeytoby]

I relapsed last night.

I had an alcohol problem, and had been over 40 days sober. But last night I just gave in and had 1 1/2 of those small bottles of red wine from co-op. I poured the last 1/2 away as I decided I didn't want it, and that I should stop (something I could never have done previously).

I am so gutted and ashamed, it didn't make me feel intoxicated and I certainly don't have a hangover, but I was doing so well and making my family so proud and now I am back to square 1.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling unbelievably guilty or am I blowing it out of proportion? I also feel guilty as I am not going to tell any of my family that it happened.

After I'd drank, I felt like it was pointless, a waste of money and I didn't really enjoy the taste like I used to, so I'm encouraged that this won't happen again, but I still feel really fucking awful. Is this reasonable?

AA can be off putting as it has an almost ideological view of complete abstinence which can make people feel worse if they don't keep up.

AA focuses on sobriety because that's what stopping drinking means. If it's not that important to you then perhaps you don't think your drinking is that bad. Because if it is that bad you'd be mad not to try AA.

There are other support groups that are more open-minded - maybe your GP can advise?

People who drink a bit more than they feel they should may well benefit from this sort of group.

However if, like me, drinking is ruining your life then AA is probably the best place for you.

I was drinking in the morning. I was physically dependent. But, as I said earlier, I was 30 years sober in April. I went to rehab and then to AA meetings for years. Best thing I ever did.

Suzie congratulations on one year today, that's an amazing milestone.

AA can be off putting as it has an almost ideological view of complete abstinence which can make people feel worse if they don't keep up

That's because for many of their members, it needs to be total abstinence. There are many alcoholics who cannot ever touch a drop again or they will relapse.

There are other groups who help people with improving their relationship with alcohol, and taking breaks from drinking but AA is unashamedly in the business of helping very seriously addicted drinkers.

You're not back to square 1 at all. You've made massive progress. Your liver and brain are 40 days clear-headed. You discovered some massively important things about relapsing:
you didn't enjoy the drink
you felt it was a waste of money
you were capable of throwing some of it away.

That's not square one.
There are some great and very supportive dry threads on here. I like the penguin huddle that appears in Sober October and again in Dry Jan. There's also a more sweary one that is all year round that looks really supportive and upbeat. They might help.

Honestly, you shouldn't feel guilty. It's like having one cigarette or too much sugar when your on a diet. Sometimes we fall off plan, but in reality a small drink in 40 days is not an issue. Obviously you know yourself and if it causes you to spiral into binging then avoid it, but do not best yourself up after all that progress.

You're not back to square one at all. The urge to give out is overwhelming ot happened its done, brush yourself off.
Every day is an achievement, if you feel you failed you might do it again.
It was a blip it is done. Congratulations on all your hard work so far.

Do you have a sponsor, someone who understands what you are going through.
Is there AA meetings close by, it is good to chat with like minded individuals.
My friend said without his sponsor for GA he wouldn't have made it.

Sorry saw you contacted AA.
Well done for getting this far without meetings.
They teach great strategies to avoid triggers.

Hello all - just an update for anyone interested.

I joined AA. I go to two weekly meetings, I have a sponsor, I completely understand when you have said that it is life changing. I am lucky to have already made some brilliant friends there.

Thank you all for your help.

It's so nice when people take the time to update with their progress. Well done and I am so pleased that you have found the path that helps you. Yes it is life changing and all for the better - sending you lots of support and good wishes for your future!! xx

Hi op,so happy for you!you must feel amazing.life will continue to get better and better.
Don't look back,you can't change it,the future hasn't happened yet,the now is the reality and you're in a good place.wishing you all the success you deserve.