Disagreed pregnancy

[karzard]

Im pregnant early days 7 weeks. Yet my family specifically my Grandmother doesnt agree with this at all.

She hasnt got the chance to know my partner. Im aware shes mostly heard the bad bits and our ups and downs but throughout everything for the past year or so hes been the only person there for me. She messages me when she pleases and i can be waiting 2 or more days for a reply anyway.

I feel pressured as she said " If i have this baby dont contact her again"

My response its my body and abortions arent taken lightly by me as my close auntie can not concieve.

I want this child and me and my partner are better than ever.

She would most definately not speak to me though atleast for a couple years but doesnt really bother with me much when i have issues anyway.

My response its my body and abortions arent taken lightly by me as my close auntie can not conceive

Whether or not your auntie can conceive shouldn’t be relevant to what you do with your body.

It’s your decision and it’s a shame your grandmother has reacted in the way that she has.

How old are you?

Also this might sound silly but i cant see a question in your post. What are you looking for people to respond with? Are you looking for advice on something or just to rant?

22 and sorry it was a rant but also some advice?

I want this baby more than anything. I also want her to be apart of the childs life. She hasnt always been the best grandmother but the fact to cut off contact because im pregnant is absolutely heart breaking.

If you were my granddaughter, 22, and in an 'up and down' relationship I would be deeply concerned about you having a baby.

I wouldn't say what your grandma did, but I would strongly hope that you had fully thought about all the options (and as pp said, your aunt's situation is not the main thing you should think about).

Advice on what? The baby or your relationship with grandmother?
I ask because i think you are likely to get advice on whether to keep the baby which may be unwanted advice

It's nothing to do with your grandma and incredibly manipulative of her to emotionally blackmail you into terminating a wanted baby. Who does that? Jesus Christ.

I’m also early doors pregnancy 4/5 weeks!
Firstly huge congratulations!

Nobody can tell you what to do, you have to make that decision for yourself but when you mention that she’s ‘mainly heard the bad things... the ups and downs’ mixed with your age (I mean I’m 27 so not exactly towering over you) but I does just make me think 🤔

Only you know how stable your relationship is but if I’d had a baby with the guy I was with a 22 I’d have ruined my life (I thought I was so in love but he was a TERRIBLE choice!)

On saging that’s though, it’s really nothing to do with your Dp and everything to do with you and your DC! If you are happy and you are willing to do this on your own if need be then fine- it’s only if your dependent on your DP or his involvement would impact your decision that I would worry!

Yes to clarify advice on what to do about my grandmother. I work and have my own home im stable and so is my partner we are happy to raise this baby we both have our own homes at the minute. I love my grandmother i just dont know how to speak to her without it getting high rated or to get her to under stand where im coming from.

Serious question - why do you want someone who has not been the best grandmother to you, to be a part of your child's life?

Take a deep breath and leave her be. I bet you a pound to a pinch of salt, she has said she'll cut you off, just to get a reaction from you. So don't re-act, don't reply. Bet she'll contact you as if nothing has been said. If I'm wrong (and I am sometimes wrong) you will have lost someone who will bring nothing positive to you new family.

Hes honestly an amazing man. I was out of work for a couple months when we first started seeing each other and he provided for me that whole time. He always pushes me to do better and be a better person. His family is so supportive aswell. Ups and downs as in rows and ive stayed there never anything major. No cheating and no physical abuse ever.

Why is your gran’s opinion so important? It’s nothing to do with her.

Are you happy to have a dc with your p?

How long have you been together? Are you thinking about marrying?

What are the "bad bits" in your relationship that she's heard about?

I work and have my own home im stable and so is my partner we are happy to raise this baby we both have our own homes at the minute.

Playing devil's advocate, maybe that's what your grandmother is worried about? You're not married, you don't live together, all she hears is bad things about him. Can you not comprehend why she might not like your situation and worry about you?

Weve been close for 3 years together for 2. It is soon but were absolutely crazy about each other. We are engaged plan to get married within the next 5 or so years. Also her opinion only matters so much as my father was never around and from 13 or so my mother abandoned me and my big brother aswell and she took us in. She was a gambler and never really there never the less the took us in. Shes all i really have family wise besides my brother and auntie and uncle.

Ultimately it's not up to her it's not up to anyone but you! If you want the baby and feel like you're in a stable situation then you have your answer if grandma wants to take her self out of your life over this that's her outlook and honestly from experience with friends family members tend to come round really quickly after baby is born/it starts feeling real I have a friend who had an abortion at 21 then a baby at 22 her parents pressured her in the first situation and then adore their grandchild and did from the first scan it's horrible but you have to to do what you want!

The bad bits have always been petty arguements for example.. one night we planned to go out but i completely forgot to pack some shoes so go out so we didnt end up going as i only had trainers and wasnt wearing it with a dress and my partner was annoyed and ended up going out by himself and i ended up going to my grandmothers. That time she said he was selfish for going out but in reality i should of just packed some shoes or remembered.

I completely understand why she might not like the situation 100%. Im still young and im not married or in a perfect relationship everybody argues. Never in this world would be put any of us in danger i have the highest hopes he would be an amazing dad. In fact i know he would. Reguardless of what was to happen in the future we would make it work. He isnt manipulative at all he hasnt got a nasty bone in his body. Shes met him 4 times. Hes planned stuff for her birthday and shes cancelled and brought her presents aswell. She knows hes never once left me without. My past relationship was disgraceful i thought she would atleast be happy for me. She wont take the time out to get to know him properly although shes had plenty chances.

I was 19 when I had my first baby. By the time I was 21 I had another! Have your baby. Your gran will come round. You are young but there isn't anything wrong with that.

I think probably both you and your grandmother have valid viewpoints.

I can understand her being concerned: you are young, your relationship is newish, she’s heard concerning things about ups and downs.

If she’d expressed those concerns in a less silly and dramatic way, you probably wouldn’t have listened anyway, would you?

Obviously, saying “if you have this baby don’t contact me again” is pathetically drama queeny. Life isn’t an episode of Eastenders or Jeremy Kyle and normal people don’t talk, think or behave like that.

However, I am catching a bit of soap opera in your own language: “He’s been the only person there for me”; “I want this baby more than anything”; “absolutely heart-breaking”, and the rather odd reason you give for not wanting an abortion.

If you are going to be a mum, you need to step away from all the drama, be sensible, think about finances, accommodation, the impact the baby is going to have on your life and relationship, how you will manage if the relationship doesn’t make it through those difficult early years.

Let your grandmother sort herself out, if she’s capable - she’s not your most important thing to think about right now.

You are in the early stages of pregnancy and must be very excited, so to receive that kind of negativity must have seemed like a slap in the face. For her to have had such a reaction, she must be extremely worried about you. Why don't you sit her down and explain why you want this baby and how special your relationship is? It's early days and she will probably come around. If not, there's not a lot you can do about it, other than keep the door open for her.

The best thing you can do is to show her that you are an adult, that your relationship is stable, and that the baby is wanted and will be loved. The way to do that is by getting on with your life, putting everything in place at the appropriate time for the baby, and not engaging in childish arguments with your grandmother.

So I would simply say to her that you are sorry she feels like that now, and that she will always be very welcome as part of your life and the baby's life. And when the baby comes, if things aren't already resolved, I would contact her again and either take the baby to see her or invite her to come and meet the baby. Be the grown up, and give her the chance to come round. But don't dance to her tune.

My grandad did this when I got pregnant at 16. He disowned me. We didnt speak again ever. I was upset for a bit but soon realised that he was the one missing out. Kids have never met him. Dont even know about him. If she does do this then it's her fault for not being in your life.

I want this baby more than anything then keep the bay. Dont abort because your grandma tells you too!!

She will be very unlikely to actually disown you for getting pregnant. Its not the 1950s. It sounds like they dobt like your partner and they may or may not be right but you want to baby so have the baby the rest will have to sort itself out.

Is your partner also young because the example you gave is very much a young person problem. (I dont mean that to sound patronising as i was young once!) Just that now if me and dh went somewhere and i forgot my shoes we would compromise and go to a place where i could wear my trainers because the fact that we couldn't get into a club/fancy bar would not matter to either of us but at 22 these things matter so maybe he will grow up and in reality if that's the worst example in 2 years he doesn't really sound that bad!

Keep the baby i mean