AIBU to think that a holiday with a toddler is not s holiday?

[shesellsseashell]

We've only been away to English seaside for a few days but I'm absolutely exhausted. Today he started the morning by trying to eat a large handful of sand, and hasn't sat down since. Non stop charging about, towards the sea, towards the rocks, chucking his ball in the sea for me to collect x 1000. Struggling to sleep away from
Home, taking ages to settle down and get to sleep. I'm utterly exhausted.

Is this what it is always like with a toddler? I thought things got easier once they started walking

Yup, utter hell. Almost ended indivorce once as it was just so awful.
It gets so much better op. Our first genuine holiday was when my youngest had just finished reception so nearly 6 and 7. They read, played, swam while we chilled, it was blissful. Hang in there!
I thought I’d rather eat my own earwax but Mark Warner type places are really good because there are so many communal focal points forbkids esp at mealtimes (parks outside restaurants). We don’t use the kidsclub much if at all but the kids making and meeting friends means everyone has a break. We also holiday with friends with kids, in different villas, same complex, so we can share cooking and kids entertain eachother. We found that as long as the kids were happy we could have a break so we compromise our ideal : that’s important too. You just can’t holiday like before kids, it doesn’t work.

You have to change your expectations and throw money at it if possible - so lots of child-friendly activity (farms, castles, swimming, beach in short bursts) around some things a bit less for them and eat out a lot or buy in posh ready made food. We’ve always done half self catering and half hotel with interconnecting rooms, kids high tea and manned baby listening so we could have an hour for a quiet meal at the hotel and didn’t have to go to bed when they did. Also somewhere with eg pool, tennis court, playground. My DC were also more pliable when young in terms of going where we wanted than they are now they are tween/teen. But we’ve largely stuck to UK (with some DLP, European Center Parcs and a couple of city breaks) as we found it easier in terms of kids settling and finding food they would eat.

Best bit is having whole family together and not distracted by work / housework - and these days a break from the Xbox for DS! My non sporty kids also seem more willing to exercise on holiday, I think because they won’t see anyone they know and it’s less hassle if facilities on site.

But I am also looking forward to a holiday without them at some point!

I noticed a gear change last year at 5&7 when camping and we could finally let them go a bit feral in a wholesome Enid Blyton kind of way. They finally had the self preservation to stick within a set of boundaries where they could be regularly observed, but not the micromanagement of the early years. There was a moment as we sat on our seat, listening to them rampaging happily in the trees and actually thought "Ahh, I'm relaxed"

We save the beach for early evening when the beach is quieter but still mild. They are diggers rather than bathers so they keep warm for a good while. We tend to go for alternate busy/ quiet days which works for us all, especially DS1 who needs a lot of down time.

We revived camping at 2&4 after a few years of caravans and an all inclusive. The all inclusive was hardest as it was end of season and a little out of the way and we struggled for enough to do. The pools were also frigid and too cold for the DCs to spend more than 5 minutes in. DS2 took his first steps by the side of a swimming pool before hurling himself in with glee, so I had absolutely zero trust in his self-preservation skills at 18m!

The camping was fine, we got a huge tent so the zips were out of reach and the kids contained with a decent play space. We went to France and the length of daylight encouraged later evenings and fairly civilised get-ups.

Have modest expectations.
Structure the day around DC's needs.
Choose a destination with plenty to do.
Choose accommodation that is secure with space for DCs to rest seperately to the rest of the family.

It's not relaxing, but it is worth doing. DS1 still fondly remembers parts of our holiday when he was 3 even though that was one of the tougher ones.

“I think going on holiday with 18 month old still naps for hours every day and is pretty easy-going about life is easier than a two and a half/3-4 year old who's got an opinion about everything and who can run much faster and doesn't nap”

It would be more like this for me if he slept better at night. At home we have strategies that get us all enough sleep, but difficult to deploy them elsewhere. It’s worth it to see family, do things together, visiting interesting places, eat lovely food, different pace of life for a few days etc, but my sleep ends up suffering for everyone else’s benefit. However he naps well and having H and family around means I get the opportunity to rest so it evens out

I think the first time you go on holiday with a child is a bit soul destroying. You realise those lovely holidays you used to have child free are no longer. You will never get to be truly relaxed , completely blissed out holiday again. What a holiday is is refined and it breaks you a little

Same shit, different location!
It can feel like a holiday if you're in a hotel - preferably with food included - but self catering is pretty shit in my opinion.

Oh god OP. It's so much worse everywhere once they start walking!
I'm sorry you believed differently
I have a two year old and am preggers and actually putting off holiday until next year as it will be easier with a baby than pregnant with toddler! If that makes any sense! 😁
Make sure your DP pull their weight and rope in in-laws where you can! Try and enjoy a cocktail or three at nap time

Depends on your definition of a holiday. We went self catering and hired a car in Italy when DS was 9 months (Tuscany with a pool) and 14 months (south of Rome). We had a lovely time on both. Took him again at 2.5 (Tuscany again) and didn’t even bother with the pushchair. We travelled about by train which he loved. Took a carrier for when he needed a rest while out and about and then sat in the nearest cafe once he was asleep 😀 We tended to do sightseeing at that age towns, nice meals, the odd church, with an odd day at the beach/lake. Beach holidays become easier later on around 4.

That’s true purplejay - I’ve never been a beach type and we usually do lots of walking (easier with smaller ones). I find self-catering preferable because the meals are at your own pace and your own timings, and you have much more of your own space, but I know others feel differently.

As with all these things of course it often depends on the personality and developmental stage of the individual baby/toddler you have. Some are more chilled than others

I loved taking my DS on holiday when he was a toddler. I work full time and I loved that uninterrupted time with him.

I am sorry to saw it does not get easier, I am taking my teenager away at the weekend, she is currently being very mardy, will not pack, will not even decide which clothes she wants to take, is moaning about the accommodation, the beach, will there be mobile signal? I am dreading it! Every year I say never again, but here I am, same thing again!

Went away with DC1 a few times. Never bothered with our dangerous, inquisitive, lightning fast, non listening DC2.

We are going away next year as I think DC2 is just about controllable now, she'll be 5

The pp who dug a whole for their kids where they couldnt get out of is my holiday hero now

Also,no op
It is not a holiday
Wait another 2 years and it becomes good again 😊

The toddler years are the absolute worst for holidays. My kids are 5 and 8 and it's amazing now they are more independent. A few more years and you'll be having a lovely time

RE siestas. just say you are lying in that bloody bed after lunch and cannot go out until 4pm at the earliest. If you dont no swimming. It seemed to work, they crashed out in the heat. It makes the evenings much more enjoyable.

Please don't dig deep holes and put your toddlers in them. The holes can collapse leaving them buried under a mountain of sand.

I completely agree, I imagine my next 100% relaxing holiday will be when my kids are all 16 +and don’t want to come with us anymore.
Wait until you get a teenager on holiday, no mates, no WiFi etc 🙄

Wait until you get a teenager on holiday, no mates, no WiFi etc

Shattered my illusions there, I thought a holiday with teens might be more relaxing

I'm currently on my way to a ten day camping trip with a nearly 2 year old and my judgy, difficult in laws... I don't know what I was thinking agreeing to this.

@BeanBag7 But I am used to having her 24/7 so maybe its trickier with kids who are usually at nursery or older ones in preschool where you have a break from them, which you don't get on holiday.

Actually I felt the complete opposite when mine was that age.
I went to work and DD was in nursery 4 days a week so I wasn't used to having her 24/7 - which is why holidays were so lovely because we spent all day with her.

A couple of time we spent holidays in places where they had a kids club but we never used it. I always assumed they were mainly popular with the people who normally looked after their kids full time and wanted a break.

Maybe it depends how involved both parents are - DH was never the sort to leave it all to me.

Oh I am remembering “ holidays” with toddlers! Wrong word in my opinion, much more relaxing to stay at home . Even going away for a few days was like a military operation of packing for every eventuality.
I remember reading a thread on gransnet recently about a disappointed nanny not being invited to go on holiday with the grandchildren..... I breathe a sigh of relieve that I don’t have to do that any more, love them all to pieces and do lots of looking after them at home, but I do really really enjoy holidays with just me and husband!

Oh god it’s awful at that age. My son is now fab but he’s 16 and I actually enjoy it. However the step-kids are bloody nightmares (15 and 9) They fight like cat and dog and whine about everything. On our last holiday, DS and I shared a room and left DH and then to fight it out in the evenings whilst we went to the bar!

Toddlerhood is the phase of parenting I hated the most! Utterly, fucking exhausting, early waking, no reasoning with them, totally stupid (from an adult perspective) behaviour, tedious, stressful - and yes - there is no such thing as a holiday with a toddler in tow. It's just the usual shit in an environment that's far less safe and predictable than home.

Having said that, the website Baby Friendly Boltholes was a godsend. All the properties, their grounds and pools, are safe for young DC. The pools are fenced, the properties come with all the crap you need like high chairs, plastic cutlery and crockery, stair gates, cots, etc. While nothing can make your toddler grow up and be more reasonable, it's easier to holiday somewhere that's at least set up and reasonably safe!

Personally though, I recommend giving birth and handing your baby over to someone wonderful to raise them until they're about 7, then take them back again. They are MUCH more reasonable at this age (SEN and/or poor parenting notwithstanding).

We've not been away for two years, I have a almost 2 1/2 yr old spawn of satan right now and I am not going anywhere ! The oldest are teens and brilliant to go away with but everyone together I just can't face it. I'll end up doing all the work and it won't be a holiday for me..
Maybe next year we'll do something not too far away and try. One teen is going away with her best friend and family so she's happy and my oldest DS has no desire to go away he's working a nice summer job so is happy to keep doing that !