'Work' at home husband

[Gardenartmum]

My husband is self-employed and 'works from home' but this year has hardly had any jobs. I understand there are often spaces between contracts, but he seems to just wait for clients to contact him with no apparent sense of urgency. It's driving me mad. This year he has watched a lot of Amazon Prime, and been out for coffee and beers a lot with his friends.
I am unable to work at the moment because I'm going through a stressful and emotional time looking after ill parents.
We have two small children and desperately need expensive work done to our house - I have a feeling he's been using savings meant for our extension to cover the mortgage and bills.
On top of this he has very little empathy for what I'm going through. He doesn't talk about feelings, and often doesn't even ask about my day.
He is a good dad, that's his saving grace.
He used to be ambitious, driven, motivated. Now it seems he's awarded himself a semi-permanent holiday ('there's never much work around in July and August'!). But he's the breadwinner!
I don't know what to say or what to do without making him angry. This morning when I broached it he just said 'what's made you so interested in my business all of a sudden?!' At the moment he keeps saying 'I need a holiday' - from what I keep asking myself! He's on an almost permanent holiday. Playing with the kids, sunbathing, watching tv....
When I suggest he needs an office outside of the house so he can actually 'go to work' he just says 'that costs money'.
He doesn't even do much around the house and gets cross when asked to 'help'. I'm starting to really dislike him.
Help and advice please!!

Why don't you know for sure how your mortgage and bills are being paid every month? That's concerning

If one person in a marriage knows nothing about how the bills are paid, it's most likely because they expect their spouse to pay the bills.

@grobagsforever you've hit the nail on the head 'It's beyond unacceptable that women are pushed out the workforce due to caring responsibilities. Bet no one would expect her brother (if she has one) to not work and care for parents. Yet woman are just supposed to suck it up.'
I do have a brother with a salaried job. I'm self employed and have been able to be 'flexible' to deal with all this.
I am a SAHM who until recently has also run a business as well as doing majority of house chores, AND now caring for parents with Alzheimer's. it's not easy.
You're all right - I need to know the finances. But my DH has never agreed to a joint account which is a bone of contention. So I don't have access. He gives me an allowance.
Someone said he should be helping with my parents as they're his family too? He doesn't help at all and barely brings it up in conversation.
In the absence of his empathy and understanding I guess I'd like him to provide security for a short while, while I deal with it.
It just makes me feel he's pretty immature when he's sitting around not doing a great deal and then moaning about how everyone else is having a holiday.
Even given a perfect situation with me working full time and no parent care, it just pees me off to see my husband sitting about and not trying that hard with his business when he has so much potential, that's the crux of it.
But you've all given me a lot of food for thought.