Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £500?

91 replies

AllsfairOrisit · 23/07/2019 18:14

Just about to start living with DP.

It’s my flat which I have a mortgage on, currently paying £900 pm.

Bills come to roughly £400 pm. This includes utilities and tv, broadband and council tax. Obviously Split in half would be £200 each.

AIBU to also charge a small rent? I was thinking about £300 on top of the £200 for bills.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllsfairOrisit · 23/07/2019 20:46

It's reasonable to ask him for a bit extra for extra wear and tear but charging him rent makes you a huge CF

Where on earth did you get that I’m charging him rent? Read the OP before making such a ridiculous assumption.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllsfairOrisit · 23/07/2019 20:47

The £300 I am proposing is basically for wear and tear.

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 23/07/2019 20:47

TanMateix Yep back in the day when I moved into now DHs mortgaged house I refused to pay the mortgage- it’s his, he gets the capital gain, why should I? I did, however pay all the bills which should’ve been split but he never bothered paying them so I did instead

JinglingHellsBells · 23/07/2019 20:47

@AllsfairOrisit
Where does he live now and what are his outgoings?

This is important IMO.

If he is sharing a house or renting a flat for himself, what does he pay?

If you charge him £500 does that leave him better off?

I assume it does if the going rent for your home is £1350 it sounds like an expensive-ish area.

I think he should carry on paying each month what he is paying now, as long as that is no more than half your mortgage and half your bills.

He ought not to be in pocket by moving in with you because if the relationship founders, he may keep hanging on in there as it's cheaper for him.

You also need to consider how you would get him to leave if you split up other than changing the locks and dumping his clothes outside.

How much does he earn compared to you?
Could he afford the place you have on his own if he got a mortgage?

I guess what I'm saying is he should be over the moon to be moving in, but not doing so partly as it's a cushy number financially.

munemema · 23/07/2019 20:51

I think you need some legal advice but when my friend split from her ex after a similar arrangement she was told she didn't owe him anything for his contribution to the mortgage, which was considered rent but she did owe him for money he had spent on maintenance/renovations.

Original poster
AllsfairOrisit · 23/07/2019 20:51

@JingleHellsBells
He’s currently paying £1000 pm on a rental. That doesn’t include bills. In total he’s spending around £1400 a month on rental and bills. So yes he would be vastly better off living with me just paying £500 all inclusive (minus food and luxuries).

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 23/07/2019 20:52

Hmm nearly 30 years ago when I owned a house and had a high income dh had barely 2 half pennies to rub together. He had two suits, a pair of work shoes and a shared room in a muck in house. He refused to give up that room in the muck in house until a month before we were married. He always insisted on giving me half towards food. After about 12 months he could give me half towards utilities. Never entered my mind to charge him rent or his to not continue to rent his own place. We had a prenup.

Doesn't sound like you are sure op.

Original poster
AllsfairOrisit · 23/07/2019 20:52

Posted too soon.

He earns roughly the same as me and could afford a property, in fact he’s looking to buy somewhere and rent it out.

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 23/07/2019 20:53

Doesn't sound like you are sure op.

What crap. It’s very sensible to talk about this in advance

Original poster
AllsfairOrisit · 23/07/2019 20:55

@ShirleyPhallus

You are right. The crazy advice is coming out 🤣

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 23/07/2019 20:58

I was going to suggest he save the £900 extra towards a house for you both to buy in future but I think him buying an investment property is pretty much the same thing, it will benefit you both in the end to have this arrangement

JinglingHellsBells · 23/07/2019 21:15

Well if he currently pays £1400 a month he ought to be stumping up half of your outgoings.

He should offer, IMO.

He's not just getting the use of heating and hot water, but he's getting a nice home.

I don't like the sound of him buying a place to rent out based on the fact his outgoings are less with you. If he could pay 50% of your total costs AND still but a place as an investment, that's different.

That means you are in effect subsidising him, allowing him to buy somewhere that will increase in value (we hope) and his mortgage will be paid through tenants.

He gets a very good deal...and you get? Hmm

It's win-win for him but what about you?

JinglingHellsBells · 23/07/2019 21:16

it will benefit you both in the end to have this arrangement

Only if they are married or have a joint mortgage on it.

Passthecherrycoke · 23/07/2019 21:24

Well we’re talking. About their next house together so goes without saying. OP sells her house he sells his- big lovely joint house. Like millions of couples do

ShirleyPhallus · 23/07/2019 21:27

That means you are in effect subsidising him, allowing him to buy somewhere that will increase in value (we hope) and his mortgage will be paid through tenants.

He gets a very good deal...and you get?

.... her own mortgage being subsidised by him?!

JinglingHellsBells · 23/07/2019 22:00

It's not quite the same though is it?

He is getting something for his money ( a roof over his head) he's not simply handing over cash for nothing.

He's getting it at a lower than market rate which enables him to buy another property and rent it out.

HUZZAH212 · 23/07/2019 22:06

What's your gut feeling on it all OP? Obviously your property needs to be ring-fenced in case the relationship doesn't work out (goes without saying). However your DP is still going to have a far more sizeable disposable income due to moving in (even if this enables him to make a profitable future investment for both of you/or potentially just him if things don't work out). But then again it'll be extra income you didn't have previously (clearly not why you want him to move in though). Is it a relatively new relationship or not? - The only reason I'd ask is can you gauge if he's financially responsible, or could you be sat paying the lions share whilst he fritters his extra spends (which would really piss me off personally).

ShirleyPhallus · 23/07/2019 22:13

He's getting it at a lower than market rate which enables him to buy another property and rent it out

Disagree. Sounds like pretty fair market rate for sharing a bed with your landlord

ReanimatedSGB · 23/07/2019 22:25

It's probably best to get some proper legal advice (CAB or Shelter if you don't want to pay for it.) Because then you can discuss it from a starting point of: these are the facts, what will suit us? You're in love, you have(by the sound of it) no particular reason to assume he's planning to take advantage, but it's not unreasonable to want to know the legal position and what the options are that will be fair to both of you, both now and if things change. You might split up, you might decide to marry, you might have DC and decide that one of you will therefore become a SAHP... or one of you might become unable to earn a wage.

JinglingHellsBells · 24/07/2019 07:16

Disagree. Sounds like pretty fair market rate for sharing a bed with your landlord

what a silly comment. Or is it a joke? Hmm

They are a couple not a landlord and tenant.

The point about couples is the starting point ought to be to share everything 50-50 if they earn equally (which they do).

@Allsfairorisit I think the point here is how permanent you feel this is. You said you are about to start living with your DP- whereas HE is about to live with you. Out of interest, why is it working that way? Is it because he rents so it makes sense to give that up?

Is this living together a trial run to see how it goes, then you will tie the knot? Are you both being honest about how you see the commitment?

If it is a trial run, and no wedding plans as such, I think it ought to be a formal contract which is fair to each of you.If you are in effect a landlord to him, he ought to pay a decent amount. It's far easier long term to have something legally drawn up for if and when it goes pear shaped. If he really loves you he ought to be happy to do this.

How old are you both, out of interest?

User8888888 · 24/07/2019 07:35

When I moved into my (now) husband’s flat I paid half of bills and then half of the interest rate of the mortgage. I didn’t think it was fair for me to be paying off his capital (ie building equity) and he didn’t want to be making a profit off me.

ArfArfBarf · 24/07/2019 07:45

I was also going to suggest him paying half the bills and half the mortgage interest.

silvercuckoo · 24/07/2019 07:50

I would not be charging anyone I invited to live in my house. Presumably you would still have the mortgage cost whether or not your DP lives with you? And he is a positive thing in your life, so does not have to compensate for inconvenience as a lodger would?

daphine2004 · 24/07/2019 08:15

I personally don’t see the difference in the situation if they moved into rented together. They’re a partnership and that should be paying half of everything or a percentage based on income, particularly if one is a higher earner.

The tricky thing here is the OP owns the property and I suspect want to protect it. It doesn’t matter if they would be bearing the cost alone if this hadn’t have been on the cards. Agree with PP and get legal advice.

anothernotherone · 24/07/2019 08:41

When DH and I moved in together I owned a flat and he'd just finished university - I sold my flat (considered renting it out but for various reasons specific to the location of the flat decided not to), put the equity money in my savings account and we rented together for a year. We bought together after that. In our case it was partly because of the location of my flat and his general aversion to flats and living in the middle of cities, but also because we'd been together under a year so were being fairly cautious - as cautious as you can be moving in together that quickly!

That way nobody took advantage of anybody...

Rent your flat out and rent or buy together?

One partner moving into the other's flat is going to make the relationship somewhat asymmetric anyway isn't it? Your decor, your history with exes there, your flat so ultimately your decision about everything...

Swipe left for the next trending thread