To think my family should stop trying to poison me

[Nomoremilk]

OK that's an exaggeration.
I'm lactose intolerant, it started during pregnancy a few years ago and if I have any lactose I am quite unwell within an hour of eating the offending item.

My parents often pop in separately and bring with them things like cakes, biscuits, etc. I am used to them ignoring my intolerance, and being left out, genuinely I don't bat an eyelid anymore. But I am currently ill with a UTI and feeling sorry for myself and I've been very ill with a crappy diagnosis.

In the last 7 days 3 things have happened, my mum brought round 2 cream cakes to make me feel better, when I pointed out my lactose intolerance she sat there and ate both.
Then the next day my Dad called and said "don't go to the shop after work I've brought some food round to your house so you don't have to cook" and I got home to a pizza and I had to sit and eat toast.
Then it was our wedding anniversary a few days later and my parents bought us chocolates.

When ever I point it out they sigh and act like I'm being ungrateful, and remind me that I never used to be lactose intolerant and they don't see what harm a small amount could do. There's even been a few occasions where I've gone for dinner and they've put butter, cheese etc in the food and claimed they didn't realise I would react to a small amount.

Am I being a stroppy cow? I might be, I'm ill and hormonal and I am feeling a bit bratty at the moment with sitting around watching everyone stuff their faces. I have lactose free stuff in the house I just feel left out all the time!

Oh and I've asked if perhaps we could stop having food brought round, and I've been accused of being selfish and depriving the family of treats. My parents are overweight and feeders so they think treats are essential!

Yanbu, it sounds like they think you are over exaggerating and being dramatic!

It’s not ungrateful to want some basic consideration.

YANBU. They're the ones who should feel embarrassed, not you! Don't sugar coat it OP - keep saying it (calmly and politely) and maybe one day they'll get the hang of it.

YANBU.

DS2 had CMPA and had horrendous symptoms. My dad (who is bloody lovely but has fuck all common sense) gave him pizza crusts to chew on. Fucking stuffed crust!

I was so angry I could hardly speak, DS2 was in a lot of pain and my dad was in bits.

But he still didn't really get it.

Could you also ask them to imagine how much they would enjoy their treats if every time they ate one they developed noro virus?

And then remind them each individually of what that looks like as they are in the middle of tucking in. . .

If you react to butter you must be really sensitive!

No, of course YANBU.

You may however need to be very very explicit, as most lactose intolerant people can have small amounts. For instance I always ask people to use butter instead of any substitute, as it's reliably low lactose (and often something they have lying around anyway), rather than relying on their ability to read labels.

That's shit. I'm lactose intolerant too. Do they know what foods are ok and which aren't? For example butter has negligible amounts in a tablespoon so some on your potatoes shouldn't cause any issues. Unless you are VERY sensitive. I can have butter and some cheese with no problems but ice cream or things like fudge or toffee cause me horrendous bloating and farting within 20 mins of eating them. The FODMAP app is very good for lactose amounts in different foods and it's surprising how many things are ok. Of course if you are allergic to dairy rather than lactose intolerant then that is different.

People are crap when it comes to food issues

If I have anything with lactose in honestly I am ill so quickly it's horrible, sometimes it's just cramps with butter but if I have cheese or cream it's about 10 minutes till I go to the loo... Yuck!

Is there a charity( the equivalent to the Coeliac Society) that could provide them with some basic education? Leaflets or website.

I’m sorry they treat you badly, it must be upsetting. X

They’re being arseholes, I’ve got a food allergy and MIL goes on about it constantly, eating the item I’m allergic to in front of me and droning on about how I’m missing out etc, she invites us over for lunch then deliberately contaminated the food with the allergen then claims she ‘forgot’.

If I'm honestly, that doesn't entirely sound like true lactose intolerance. It's far too quick.

Have you seen your GP.

I saw my GP and they told me if it was an allergy I would have hives and swelling etc. They just told me to cut out lactose, to be honest "lactose free" things I even get some tummy ache at times. My parents know all this but still make me feel like it's psychological as I wasn't born like this.

They are being - I can’t even think of a word to describe what they are doing!

If I know someone dislikes a particular food, I won’t serve it to them - and that is just a preference, not a sensitivity like you have, @Nomoremilk! I cannot imagine repeatedly offering someone food from a group that will make them ill.

Nomoremilk I wasn't born with it either - in fact was mid 40's before it hit me, and my parents were exactly the same in their attitude. Add in to that I then developed a major intolerance to gluten and they thought I was attention seeking.

Just keep refusing to eat it if they offer it to you, and look after yourself....after all, they're not are they!

It's always classed as "too quick" by many of you have symptoms soon after eating but I asked the Castro specialist nurse about this. She said if your system doesn't like something then it will move it faster than normal. She told me how those with a stoma would often process something far faster and it would be in their stoma bag 10 minutes later. It normally takes the stomach a minimum of 4 hours to digest food. I asked her as I found that within 10 mins of eating egg mayo that I was experiencing bowel cramps. She said it was perfectly possible that foods my body didn't like would cause symptoms very quickly.

Yanbu but this kind of behaviour is not unusual. I have more than one friend who have got important health-related dietary requirements that their parents simply dismiss. I wonder if they feel that following such requirements would be admitting to some kind of fault in their child rearing skills? (Ridiculous in your case as it's something developed since childhood)

Start bombarding them with information.. intolerance and allergies come along at any time. My son is severely nut allergic but wasn’t at age 3 ... started age 5. I have intolerance to people ignoring/not believing because food allergies, tempered by the idiots who say they are gluten intolerant but it’s really a lifestyle choice

You guys have been lovely, thanks so much. I was made to feel like a greedy selfish pig really and a hypochondriac!

You know how I dealt with some of my family who didn't believe me?

I ate something with milk/cream in their presence and just let rip with some "pardon me"s Before running off to their one toilet for an hour.

(It did help I wasn't pregnant. )

Strangely they then believed the other members of my family who have allergies and have epipens.

I'm coeliac and even if I wasn't, I have auto immune conditions made worse by gluten. My Mum brought me sandwiches and donuts to eat at a picnic today. She can't wrap her head around me not being able to eat wheat 🤦

DH is lactose intolerant. Lactosey stuff like ice cream basically goes straight through him. He didn’t have a problem until his 50s either.

I am allergic to nuts and peanuts, throughout my childhood my entire family were convinced it was "all in my head" and constantly gave my chocolates etc with nuts in. It wasn't until i was at university and went to get properly diagnosed and get an epi pen that they finally believed i wasnt attention seeking. I feel your pain OP. (I am also lactose intolerant and cant even be arsed trying to get them on board with that one).

Are you sure it's Lactose and not a milk protein? Because lactose free stuff usually has been treated with a lactase enzyme to process the lactose. If you're still getting ill with it, it's more likely to be one of the proteins in the milk.

They need to understand the severity of your condition. I have a friend with this and it took years for a diagnosis. It came on after a bout of food poisoning.

She didnt know what was making her so ill and her family and gp thought she had an eating disorder and was abusing laxitives as the weight fell off her. Long story short, she became so malnourished through continuing to eat lactose, she ended up having a seizure, 2 blood transfusions and was on a feeding tube for weeks in hospital. She only started putting weight on when the intolerance was diagnosed.

I know this story is a little extreme (as is her intolerence, not many have it to this extent) but feel free to share. They might put away the cream cakes!

I’m lactose intolerant and now get lactose tablets from Amazon to take before anything that might have it in but I agree it sounds more like a milk protein allergy for you... perhaps ask your GP for blood tests? Or a referral to a dietician.

I feel for you though as some people just don’t get it. I’m also coeliac and even my husband doesn’t get that even a crumb can cause a major problem for me (1.5 hours later when it hits my intestines I empty out immediately and then have brain fog and joint pain for 2-3 days!) luckily my 9 year old daughter who is allergic to cows milk protein and soya protein is always on the case and reminding him!