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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my family should stop trying to poison me

44 replies

Nomoremilk · 22/07/2019 19:29

OK that's an exaggeration.
I'm lactose intolerant, it started during pregnancy a few years ago and if I have any lactose I am quite unwell within an hour of eating the offending item.

My parents often pop in separately and bring with them things like cakes, biscuits, etc. I am used to them ignoring my intolerance, and being left out, genuinely I don't bat an eyelid anymore. But I am currently ill with a UTI and feeling sorry for myself and I've been very ill with a crappy diagnosis.

In the last 7 days 3 things have happened, my mum brought round 2 cream cakes to make me feel better, when I pointed out my lactose intolerance she sat there and ate both.
Then the next day my Dad called and said "don't go to the shop after work I've brought some food round to your house so you don't have to cook" and I got home to a pizza and I had to sit and eat toast.
Then it was our wedding anniversary a few days later and my parents bought us chocolates.

When ever I point it out they sigh and act like I'm being ungrateful, and remind me that I never used to be lactose intolerant and they don't see what harm a small amount could do. There's even been a few occasions where I've gone for dinner and they've put butter, cheese etc in the food and claimed they didn't realise I would react to a small amount.

Am I being a stroppy cow? I might be, I'm ill and hormonal and I am feeling a bit bratty at the moment with sitting around watching everyone stuff their faces. I have lactose free stuff in the house I just feel left out all the time!

OP posts:

Thingsdogetbetter · 22/07/2019 20:55

Go into intimate details of your bodily functions each time, with a big smile in your face. 'I'd love a cream cake, but my guts will be exploding after half hour. You should see the colour of it. Puts a baby's nappy to shame.'

Gross, colourful details!!

They think you've jumped on some fad diet for attention. And are trying to tempt you to then prove you wrong. It's petty of them. So have fun with it!! They'll get bored eventually.

Thingsdogetbetter · 22/07/2019 20:56

ON your face obviously. Lol

liitlepenguin · 22/07/2019 21:09

YANBU

I have allergies

Parents and in laws always offer me things I'm allergic to

😔

Atthebottomofthegarden · 22/07/2019 21:26

Yes they obviously think you are “choosing” to eat like this.

Could it also be an inability to cope with change? We have found this with my parents as they’ve got older, that anything slightly out of the ordinary (for them!) throws them completely. They usually cope by either panicking or ignoring!

73Sunglasslover · 22/07/2019 21:28

My niece has just become lactose intolerant and we were given a blanket 'she can't eat dairy' which really thew me as I don't know how to cook anything much without any dairy at all in it. I asked for some recipe ideas when she was visiting thinking I'd benefit from her and her mum's experience and they then said that she can have butter, bits of cheese and small amounts of milk but not large amounts of milk. So I just got some lactose free milk in and made custard for her with that and avoided high cheese dishes. That was all that was needed. I think the term 'lactose intolerant' is bandied around so much it's hard to know what it actually means. If you're confident you'd react even to the tiny amounts of milk in small bit of chocolate, perhaps it's just that they need some more information about what you CAN eat (not just what you can't).

picklemepopcorn · 22/07/2019 21:31

There's a news story of a child who died recently after eating chocolate mistakenly given to him. Previous reactions had been mild.

It's not something to play around with! Only you can choose what risks to take!

Cherrysoup · 22/07/2019 21:36

YANBU. They're being dicks.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 22/07/2019 21:40

DH and two of my four kids (young adult) are lactose intolerant. I should have shares in Lactofree I buy so many of their products. It’s good stuff though pricey, it makes managing it all much easier.

Teacher22 · 22/07/2019 21:41

Your family are being unreasonable. I should have a policy of ensuring no one but you prepares your own food. Don’t take anything from anyone else.

M0RVEN · 22/07/2019 21:44

They are being dicks but sadly it’s not uncommon. I am Gluten free and have the same reaction from some friends and family.

A few weeks ago I went to visit a relative and she provided a meal which I couldn’t eat any all. She then sighed and said “ oh I always forget you are GF. Oh well” as she passed around the plates of lasagne.

I’ve been GF for 15 Years. I have been making vegetarian meals for her for 40 years !!!!!!!

Everyone else at the table looked embarrassed as I sat there with an empty plate. Eventually another family member ( the hosts mother ) got up and made me a salad.

I have idea why people like your parents do this. I can only assume they think you are being awkward so they do it to punish you.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 22/07/2019 21:54

M0RVEN that’s terrible. I’m afraid I would be hit by terrible forgetfulness next time my vegetarian relative came for a meal. A nice meaty gluten free lasagne sounds just the ticket.

MrsMonkeyBear · 22/07/2019 21:56

My parents are ok with my Lactose intolerance but my in laws don't get it at all. I was diagnosed until my late 20s. I was tested for everything else before LI. I pretty much made the testing equipment go haywire, I reacted that severely (See Hydrogen Breath Test) and it took me 4 hours to be "well" enough to leave the hospital.

My in laws just think I'm fussy and weird because I take my own milk/snacks/spread to theirs when we visit. I just prefer not to have an bathroom emergency whilst I'm there.

madja · 22/07/2019 22:05

I'm both coeliac and lactose intolerant, apparently the damage caused by the gluten on the gut can make reactions to other things much more likely.
Have you been tested for any other allergies or auto immune disorders? It might be worth it if you haven't.
I'm lucky in one sense (if that's the right word) because my mum is coeliac too, but my partner's family cannot get with it at all and can be just plain nasty about it sometimes. I just go everywhere with food in my bag now so I can't get caught out by anyone!

Original poster

Nomoremilk · 22/07/2019 22:10

@madja i have autoimmune issues, I have rheumatoid arthritis but I haven't been tested for any other allergies

OP posts:

M0RVEN · 22/07/2019 22:36

I'm both coeliac and lactose intolerant, apparently the damage caused by the gluten on the gut can make reactions to other things much more likely

Yes I’ve heard that too. When I was diagnosed I was told it was very important to eat a balanced diet with a range of foods, because it’s possible to trigger an intolerance to another food group if you go crazy on it. . Eg lots of different fruit and veg, not just orange juice.

Also that it was better to find naturally gluten free foods rather than completely rely on Gf ready made alternatives. Which is good advice because they are expensive and mostly crap as you probably know.

I don’t know if it’s the same for people who are lactose or CMP intolerant.

madja · 22/07/2019 23:41

Apparently there is a link between coeliac and Ra. Lots of auto immune disorders come together.
My thought process was that if you are so badly affected by the dairy, as I was, there maybe more going on. I can't remember if you said, but do you have symptoms even when you think you've been good at avoiding dairy?
I ask because I was diagnosed LI way before Coeliac was mentioned. It was only looked at then because my mum was diagnosed.
Obviously I'm not a doctor or anything

madja · 22/07/2019 23:44

Oh and yes morven I agree. The shop gf is awful. Really unhealthy unfortunately. I've had to get really good at making everything I can myself!

mussolini9 · 23/07/2019 17:03

When ever I point it out they sigh and act like I'm being ungrateful, and remind me that I never used to be lactose intolerant and they don't see what harm a small amount could do

Do they normally have comprehension difficulties, or are they suffering from Layman's Disease? (This is the disease that confers an instant 7-years worth of GP study on unreasonable eejits ...)

WannabeMathematician · 23/07/2019 17:16

Go to their house and eat something dairy there? I think they would remember if they had to witness it first hand?

(Not a serious suggestion)

Though, my aunt one fed one of my cousin's (not their child) something he was intolerant to and my cousin vomited all over her carpet. She had been told before so it wasn't like it was a surprise! Strangely, it never happened again.

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