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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for DS's ticket for event.

37 replies

TravellingSpoon · 22/07/2019 17:19

I am taking part in an event next year which will be my 3rd time. DS, who is 18 and will be 19 by then wants to take part also.

I said thats great, we can do it together, no problem and it will be fun. I told him it was around £65 and that once he gave me the money I will book the tickets. He thinks I am being unreasonable as he is a student and will be at university. He has a part time job and earns more than I do an hour, although I obviously work more hours. He has no outgoings except his car and doesnt pay board, instead he pays £100 into a savings account.

AIBU not to pay for him? i do feel a bit mean but then when do I stop?

OP posts:
MiniMum97 · 22/07/2019 17:21

Why doesn't he pay "board"? Does he live at home?

Merryoldgoat · 22/07/2019 17:22

Well. It depends on lots of things.

Personally if I could afford to I would.

My PIL pay for lots of things for us just because they want to. Not because we need them to. I like buying my DC things.

I don’t think there is a ‘should’ about it.

RedSkyLastNight · 22/07/2019 17:23

Do you financially support him at university?

5foot5 · 22/07/2019 17:24

TBH if I were you and I could afford to pay for him I would. I have a DD who is older than that (23) and although she is working she is on a fairly tight budget. I have spare money and if there was something I wanted us to do together I would offer to pay, or at least pay towards.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 22/07/2019 17:24

YANBU but if you wanted to be particularly kind, you could offer halves if that suits?

00100001 · 22/07/2019 17:25

We'll would he expect you to pay for concert tickets etc?

Original poster
TravellingSpoon · 22/07/2019 17:26

We will be supporting him at university yes.

The agreement we had when he started working was that I would take £100 and save it for him. That is what my DH's dad did for him and it allowed him to buy a house when he left university.

OP posts:
22Giraffes · 22/07/2019 17:27

I would but just because it would make me happy to. My mum still treats me to things or days out which is nice, but I do the same in return.

00100001 · 22/07/2019 17:27

@RedSkyLastNight

"Do you financially support him at university?"

Clearly she does, by having him stay at home rent free, pays for his phone, food etc as all he has to pay is his car...

Cloudyyy · 22/07/2019 17:30

You are his mother though!!! I wouldn’t take money from a son for an event we were doing together Shock ! He is your son?! It’s a shared activity. Just strange.

Piffle11 · 22/07/2019 17:31

I'd pay for him if I could. It's nice to treat your DC, especially as it's something that you will be doing with him. Yes I know he'll be getting the £££ back eventually, but not for years. My DM used to charge me to live and home and gave me some of it back when I left - a great help but it still meant I didn't have that much on a weekly basis to do other activities.

swissmilk · 22/07/2019 17:32

Going against the grain here, if it's a social event and he wants to go, rather than you inviting him, I would expect him to pay.

FckIt · 22/07/2019 17:33

I'm with @swissmilk too - he wants to do it, he should pay? He's an adult.

RedSkyLastNight · 22/07/2019 17:35

Clearly she does, by having him stay at home rent free, pays for his phone, food etc as all he has to pay is his car...

None of that is in the OP which was the only post I had to go on when I replied .. all she mentioned was his outgoings, it could be his other parent, a grandparent that pays for all these or he could be sponsoredor have some sort or study grant ...

lostfrequencies · 22/07/2019 17:35

I don't think he should have assumed you'd be paying for him. But then I think it's nice if you would have offered.

Original poster
TravellingSpoon · 22/07/2019 17:39

yes, he lives at home and will be doing so through university and probably a PGCE. I do pay for his phone, food, bills, laptop and I have paid for him to come on holiday with us this year.

I thought it would be a good stepping stone to him being responsible for things, but maybe I am just mean.

OP posts:
stucknoue · 22/07/2019 17:40

Depends on whether he is getting a full loan at university etc. Many kids dont get enough to even pay their rent from their maintenance loan so are reliant on parental support and working just to live. Those whose kids haven't reached that age probably don't realise that a two parent family each earning a modest £30k is expected to support multiple kids to the tune of £5k per year! Just buy him the ticket

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 22/07/2019 17:45

It's something you're doing together- I'd pay it.

Original poster
TravellingSpoon · 22/07/2019 17:45

He hasnt started University yet, so I dont know about loans etc. He has a job and is doing extra hours at the moment so is working about 25 hours a week, but this will reduce in October. My CMS from his dad stopped 2 months ago, although it wasnt a massive amount (£50 a month).

OP posts:
BuffyTheMLMHunter · 22/07/2019 17:48

You are already being incredibly generous.

This is something that would be deemed as discretionary spend (rather than a necessity). If he wants a ticket, he should pay.

Zbag14 · 22/07/2019 17:51

I would never charge my kids so I think yabu sorry.

Zbag14 · 22/07/2019 17:52

Sorry i realise you are not charging him, i just mean that I would be pay if they were going with me. If I could

newmomof1 · 22/07/2019 17:52

YANBU! He wants to do it, he is an adult, he can pay for himself

Tavannach · 22/07/2019 17:53

Pay half? And explain your finances so he has a better understanding of how money works.

Mabelface · 22/07/2019 17:54

I wouldn't pay for someone who has more disposable income than I do.

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