Yesterday was our only full day as a family this week as DH was working saturday am. We were supposed to go out for the day (to a garden centre as DHs client wants him to buy plants for a landscaping job).
We got 10 mins down the road and DH announced he didn't feel well and had a bad back so didn't think it's a good idea to go. We trundle around a local park with DS (3) instead for a bit and head home. I was a bit hacked off but said, let's salvage something from the day: you potter around with DS in the garden, I'll get some jobs done and cook a nice meal, then we can all have some free time together, eat as a family, put DS to bed and have an evening to ourselves with a glass of wine. I'm told we can't afford to buy wine (see below) but ok to the rest. 20mins later DH gets annoyed with something DS has done in the garden and sends him inside. I then do housework and cook a meal while entertaining DS, like I do every other day, while DH spends his whole afternoon pottering in the garden. We eat, I put DS to bed and DH goes in the bath for the rest of the evening.
Today DH has unexpectedly taken a day off work (he's self employed) to go walking up a mountain with his mates. This is the secod time in a month. I am at home, as usual, with DS.
This has irked me. Not only is it a bit rich after yesterday: on top of that we are broke until Sept when DS goes to school and I start work. So much so that I have to scrimp and save on food shopping (£30 pw for three ppl +2 pets inc EVERYTHING), can't afford to take DS out anywhere that charges, have very few clothes that aren't full of holes, crap furniture we can't afford to replace etc. I generally ask before I spend anything because I have no money of my own and DH gets all moral high ground if he deems anything I spend from the joint account frivolous (soft play for example) yet he decides without consultation that he can piss a days wages up the wall to go on a hike.
One of DHs walking mates is a teacher. Came to our wedding, knows me a bit but we're not close friends. I need "a professional" to counter sign an ID form for a uni application. After 3 yrs as a SAHM doing shit part time jobs I'm trying to up my professional game a get a post grad qualification that will mean I can earn much more for the rest of my working life. Think PGCE/Reg nurse/Social worker type certification. I don't really know anyone who can sign this form myself as only lived in this part of the Uk for 3yrs, all while having a small child, so networks aren't great. I asked DH if he could take the form on his walk for his mate to sign and he said no. Apparently it's a weird thing to ask and too much of a faff.
It's my birthday next week and we have no plans. Our only sitters are PIL who have said they will have DS if we let them know when etc. I haven't organised anything because I have no money and DH says we can't really afford to go out in the eve, and he can't afford to take a day off work (see above!).
AIBU to think my DH just doesn't actually care about me and my life at all as long as I'm here to look after DS, cook, clean and do household admin? I'm so fed up with it. We were best mates and had a great relationship before DS. Now I just feel like a drudge.
I am determined that, once DS is in ft school I will have my own money and have even thought lf stashing some away for myself so that, if thi gs don't change, I'm not trapped in this shitty existance forever. An I being melodramatic?
Yikes, sorry that's so long. I'm rambling with rage.