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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being ill doesn't mean you can be rude?

31 replies

SquishedPheasant · 21/07/2019 21:47

Visited DM and DF today, it's a 70 mile trip in total. Arrived DM said hello and fussed our little one. DF who is suffering from tinnitus and a ear infection was playing a game on his phone. Didn't look up, didn't say hello. We stayed about 15 minutes and I signaled to DP that we left, no goodbye nothing. I mentioned it to DM and she said oh his ear is hurting. AIBU to think if your family visits you at least have the decency to say hello/goodbye.

Feeling really hurt and upset by it Sad

OP posts:
Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 21/07/2019 21:51

I don’t know actually. I’ve had a few ear infections over the last few years and they are absolutely awful. Waking up in the night crying kind of pain, and I can take some pain. I think I’d cut him some slack here.

ohfourfoxache · 21/07/2019 21:52

Has he been this rude in the past?

He sounds like a monumental Bell end

transformandriseup · 21/07/2019 21:52

I usually agree with this but ear infections are hell.

DaisyChainsGetBroken · 21/07/2019 21:53

You did a 70 mile trip and stayed 15 min?!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 21/07/2019 21:53

I think the key question here is does he normally behave like this.

PurpleDaisies · 21/07/2019 21:53

Ear pain is excruciating. Can’t you cut them some slack?

taylorowmu · 21/07/2019 21:54

Back story?

Did you leave early or do you always make such a journey for no time at all?

Beldon · 21/07/2019 21:55

So your mum only saw you for 15 mins because you were angry at your dad?

PixieLumos · 21/07/2019 21:55

I’m pretty cranky when I’m ill, but to not look up and say hello at all? YANBU

SofiaAmes · 21/07/2019 21:58

Is it possible that he didn't hear you walk in? It sounds like there is a huge back story. Why didn't you go up to him to give him a hug and a kiss?

YouTheCat · 21/07/2019 22:00

Were they expecting you or did you just turn up?

Crunchymum · 21/07/2019 22:01

Another one who is agog at you travelling 70 miles and leaving after 15 minutes Shock

OKBobble · 21/07/2019 22:04

15 minutes? That was pretty rude of you wasn't it?

IWantMyHatBack · 21/07/2019 22:04

Visiting people while they're ill and expecting anything from them is rude.

Sabich · 21/07/2019 22:06

It's possible he didn't want to be drawn into conversation/not up to visitors Confused

Did he not even raise a hand? Do you generally get on well?

ddl1 · 21/07/2019 22:06

An ear infection and tinnitus could make conversation quite painful and difficult, and might also make him genuinely unaware of some of your signals to him, if he usually relies on hearing and is now temporarily deaf. So I would excuse him unless it's just his latest excuse for a general pattern of impoliteness.

iamallastonishment92 · 21/07/2019 22:10

TBH I would say YWBU to visit someone so far away when they were unwell.

You wouldn’t have done that to a friend- so you went because the are your parents- your DF obvs felt he didn’t need to make an effort probably for the same reason.

My DF has tinnitus and on bad days he’s incapable of communicating/holding conversations as it’s so distracting

Original poster
SquishedPheasant · 21/07/2019 22:13

They knew we were coming, we had invited to take them out for the day but they declined but asked us to come over. DF knew we were there we were all in the same room, I'm not excusing the fact ear ache is horrible but hes on day 5 of antibiotics so I presume things are subsiding? I just feel like that if you are that poorly then you would either excuse yourself or just say hello/goodbye.

This is behaviour is reoccurring he come to a family night out a few weeks back everyone interacting with one another he was sat on his phone and didnt talk to anyone. Other family members picked up on it too.

Oh and behind the reasoning of staying 15 minutes I didnt want to be in a house where we weren't been spoken to. We would usually stay at least an hour or the full afternoon and do something together.

OP posts:
Whosorrynow · 21/07/2019 22:13

Don't bother to visit again
simples

Whosorrynow · 21/07/2019 22:16

It's one thing to be a bit off, to not feel like interacting or not want to be very sociable, in which case if it was me I would just say 'sorry I feel really crap sorry I'm not up to much' but to completely ignore you.... like act as if you don't exist, well that's a different ballpark isn't it

CassianAndor · 21/07/2019 22:17

Are you parents joined at the hip? I don’t see why you could t have done something with your mum?

You see rather formal with your own parents. Why didn’t you say something to your dad?

IWantMyHatBack · 21/07/2019 22:19

Maybe there's something else going on. Maybe try to be sympathetic instead of automatically offended. If my Dad started acting like this, and if was out of character, I'd be worried not offended.

IWantMyHatBack · 21/07/2019 22:20

"This is behaviour is reoccurring he come to a family night out a few weeks back everyone interacting with one another he was sat on his phone and didnt talk to anyone. Other family members picked up on it too."

Is this new?

taylorowmu · 21/07/2019 22:22

Oh and behind the reasoning of staying 15 minutes I didnt want to be in a house where we weren't been spoken to.

If your mum wasn't speaking as well, have you done something to offend them?

Glitterkitten24 · 21/07/2019 22:24

Well normally I’d say ‘you can be polite even if you are in pain’ but today I have an infection in my wisdom tooth and I’ve cried about 10 times and am finding it hard to be civil to my children.

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