Would you tell someone their new BF had been charged with and prosecuted for a crime even though he was found not guilty? [trigger warning - sexual assault]

[Anewbooknotanewchapter]

My DD was raped two years ago. Trial finished last month. Very strong case with compelling evidence. The prosecution were very confident. As with all rape trials it had to be proved beyond reasonable doubt and his lawyer went to town on my DD. He was quite stunning in his performance. Found not guilty as with most rape trials. I have had a thread on here before under a different user name. My family has been destroyed and we are trying to recover but it has been horrendous. He is carrying on living the good life but now has a new GF who posts a lot all over social media, holidays, parties, weekend's away, nights out. Her account is public. Meanwhile my DD is trying to pick up the pieces of her life after a truly horrific process. I am not sure if she knows. He started dating her just before the trial. He could easily keep it all hidden from her [outing here so cannot say why]

If you were her would you want to know? Would you tell her? AIBU to tell her that he was charged with and prosecuted in court for raping an 18 year old girl and pretty much destroyed my family? I will admit I am REALLY struggling right now with all of this and feel so much anger and rage that he gets to carry on as normal having a great fucking life. It is overwhelming. I know he was found NG but in the eyes of the law this does not mean he is innocent......... it means there was not enough evidence to convict.

Really struggling with this one.

His girlfriend won’t thank you, she will not believe you, she will think you are being vindictive, let her find out for herself as someone else will surely tell her.

I am so sorry this happened to your DD and what your family have been through. I completely understand why you would want to tell and wouldn't blame you for it, but as he was found not guilty unfortunately he holds the power in this situation. Telling won't change that he is free and you can't protect anyone from him. For your own health I wouldn't take that burden upon yourself.

I wouldn't. I bet the girlfriend knows and he has spun her a line about how your daughter lied etc etc etc. She won't believe you over him and it may backfire on you and cause you and your family even more grief and stress. I would try to put it all behind you if you can.

I am genuinely sorry for you all that he has gotten way with it.Terrible and that you have all had to go through what you did. Well done to your daughter though for standing up for justice even though the odds were stacked against her.

I would tell her but I’d be prepared for her to either ignore the message or become defensive and say he was cleared so didn’t do it etc. If she is aware of it, I’m sure he’ll have told her it didn’t happen and your DD was a jealous fantasist time and a psycho etc.

"I think you need to move on as it’s doing nobody any good dwelling on it and stalking his new partner on social media." Manclife1 this has to be up there with one of the most fucking stupid, insensitive and dismissive posts I've seen on MN - and I've been here a long time. All I can think is that you can't have read the thread properly, no one could read it and then be such a total fuckwit.

He has form for similar on many other threads @WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles

I've been a victim of rape, as have many, many other women, very few of whom ever receive justice. In this GF's position I would absolutely want to know, particularly as Clare's Law wouldn't be applicable here. And I'd thank anyone who told me. But not everyone is the same, and he might easily persuade her of his lack of guilt if he's managed to do the same to a jury.

My gut response is not to interfere. Much as sending an anonymous, untraceable message saying 'Google your boyfriend' might be one way to avoid finding yourself sued for slander, it's generally inadvisable to take the law into your own hands. I get that this is thoroughly frustrating given how flawed the British legal system undoubtedly is, and how soul-destroying it must be that he's moving merrily on with his life while your DD has to suffer the traumatic psychological effects of what he did. Being sued for slander is one thing, but it's quite another to risk possible reprisals against your daughter and yourself. You already know what this disgusting specimen of humanity is capable of. It simply isn't worth it.

I'm really sorry your daughter had to go through that, and so angry, as ever, that men continue to get away with assaults and sexual violence against women. It's an unfair system that is badly stacked against us, and it's wrong on every conceivable level

In the nicest possible way- and I believe your daughter and remember your other thread- you need to disengage from this monster and block him on SM so you can't see all this. There will be girlfriends, a Google will bring him up so they'll probably know but be spun a lie 'I was found not guilty, I'm innocent' blah blah blah, he'll spin it and put his shitty take on it. He'll probably turn it on you both- 'I was found not guilty and they're bitter, trying to ruin my life with false allegations and now this' whah whah poor me etc. Some women would immediately dump the rat upon getting a message and Googling him but some won't and will be under his spell. I think if you told her and she stayed it'd hit you both hard- step away for your own sakes.
Having said that I know I'd want to tell just in case he did it to her and she'd have run a mile had she known- so I'd do it this one time then stop, block, block, block and work on your dd and her future. All the best to you both, you've been to hell and back

@AmIRightOrAMeringue I totally get what you're saying about him gaslighting the new GF, but I would still want to know if it was me, and you sound like you would do too.

If GF was your daughter wouldn't you want her to know that she's dating a monster? Wouldn't you be mad that someone could have told her but kept silent.??

OP You're going thro a shitty time but I think the right thing is post the link to the case anonymously if you like. Let new GF do her own googling and up to her whether she believes him or not. .

OP I am so sorry for you and your daughter and can definitely understand why you would want to tell his new GF. Do you think he may assume the warning has come from your daughter and seek some sort of 'revenge'?

I'm so sort about the outcome, I remember your previous post.

You've got so much on your plate- can you add this as well?

I understand why, I'd be tempted to tell everyone she knows!