Would you tell someone their new BF had been charged with and prosecuted for a crime even though he was found not guilty? [trigger warning - sexual assault]

[Anewbooknotanewchapter]

My DD was raped two years ago. Trial finished last month. Very strong case with compelling evidence. The prosecution were very confident. As with all rape trials it had to be proved beyond reasonable doubt and his lawyer went to town on my DD. He was quite stunning in his performance. Found not guilty as with most rape trials. I have had a thread on here before under a different user name. My family has been destroyed and we are trying to recover but it has been horrendous. He is carrying on living the good life but now has a new GF who posts a lot all over social media, holidays, parties, weekend's away, nights out. Her account is public. Meanwhile my DD is trying to pick up the pieces of her life after a truly horrific process. I am not sure if she knows. He started dating her just before the trial. He could easily keep it all hidden from her [outing here so cannot say why]

If you were her would you want to know? Would you tell her? AIBU to tell her that he was charged with and prosecuted in court for raping an 18 year old girl and pretty much destroyed my family? I will admit I am REALLY struggling right now with all of this and feel so much anger and rage that he gets to carry on as normal having a great fucking life. It is overwhelming. I know he was found NG but in the eyes of the law this does not mean he is innocent......... it means there was not enough evidence to convict.

Really struggling with this one.

My DD was raped recently (few years) , just after turning 16. Despite medical evidence, headteacher turning up, EWO turning up, the rapist was found not guilty. We haven't been afraid to let employers, and at least two have dismissed him for non-disclosure) or girlfriends know what happened.

We couldn't live with doing nothing.

He doesn't come up on Google in relation to the case but his details are/were on a legal website. Sorry to be so cryptic.

And the most important thing, where are my manners, my utmost sympathy for you and your DD

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for what you've all been through.

Something similar happened to one of my best mates. Although the 'man' in question admitted it himself. Only as he was being harassed by his victims family (don't blame them at all) so he told her a very watered down version of events.

Maybe this is what the rapist has done to his girlfriend in this situation?

In my friends case she stayed with him, yet years down the line the true extent of his crime came to light. I'd like to think she wouldn't have been with him if she'd had the full story.

In your case I think you absolutely should and that I'd want to know. I don't know if she'd believe you ? But if court appearances had been reported then she could fact check.

Don't worry about getting sued for slander, this is almost impossible to take to court only for the very rich

Good luck to you all

His employer knows. It was them who prosecuted him. Because he was found NG they can't get rid of him even though they believe my DD. Maybe I need to just avoid this potential can of worms. I know it all sounds a bit confusing but I can't give specific details as too outing.

the police will prove that very quickly using an IP address.

You can change your IP address to anywhere in the world very easily.

Perhaps she already knows but believes his version of events?

I would just leave it tbh.

Honestly I get it. I’d want to do it too. In fact I’ve considered it many times in relation to the teacher who groomed me(and was found guilty of lewd, indecent and libedious(so) behaviour) but the reality is she won’t care. She’ll tell him, he’ll feed her a load of bullshit about a jealous ex girlfriend and ‘ I was found innocent dontchya know’ she’ll believe him and you’ll feel even worse.

Lots of love to you and your daughter xx

I've gone through very similar OP. The NG verdict does get easier with time. Now and again it can knock me off my feet and my family struggled also but time is a great healer. I can dust myself down and carry on as opposed to letting it consume me.
Right now you want to lash out which is understandable, hell I went to the press as he'd been found guilty for other things which I could shout about so I had that luxury. I did this after I posted a Facebook status leading to his parents going to the police and I was contacted and asked to remove it. Fuck no was I letting them silence me.
Sadly though his GF will either not believe you or think that NG means he was innocent. It's shit but she'll find out eventually what type of man he is. But I wouldn't blame you if you sent an anonymous message outlining the facts of the case. Perhaps even if she doesn't believe it happened it will also be at the back of mind and make her slightly more vigilant.
The best revenge is getting on with your life and not letting this bastard win. Find your happiness. It's hard but you'll get there.
It will get better, honestly. Send my love to your DD, she's one hell of a person for reporting what he did. She should be very proud of herself.

@lovelychops
I have the evidence to prove he was charged and went through the court process. It was on a public website. I guess I just want to make his life a bit less cosy right now and if I'm being truthful to cause him hurt but as PPs have said that cannot be guaranteed as I don't know for sure if she knows or not. If she does I can only imagine the Oscar deserving performance he put on about being falsely accused. I fucking hate him.

Could she really be ignorant of the fact that her boyfriend was tried for rape during the start of their relationship? Sounds unlikely.
Some people live strange lives.
Your poor dd

I understand the circumstances. FWIW I would absolutely be making her aware of facts that were in the public domain.

"I think you need to move on as it’s doing nobody any good dwelling on it and stalking his new partner on social media." Manclife1 this has to be up there with one of the most fucking stupid, insensitive and dismissive posts I've seen on MN - and I've been here a long time. All I can think is that you can't have read the thread properly, no one could read it and then be such a total fuckwit.

And please have her make an application for CICA. That was when I got my justice. It wasn't about the money but having them believe me gave me the strength I needed to move on. It is based on the balance of probability rather than beyond reasonable doubt and isn't determined on whether he was found guilty or not.

Yes I would tell her. I'd email anonymously and send her the link.

I doubt the police would be interested. Harassment has to be more than one incident - I don't think a single email with a link to a public website would qualify.

I would want to know.

I'd want to know.

However, a lot would pen you as deranged and I don't think it's worth the upset it would potentially cause you or your daughter. You won't gain anything from it.

I remember your post from last time op and as tempting as it would be to tell his gf I honestly think you and especially your daughter have been through enough

Karma will get him eventually and you can know you were the bigger person. Things don't stay hidden forever

@loose She is considering civil action and has a fucking amazing lawyer but am not convinced she will go through with it. It would be worth it just to see his face when he gets notification when he thought it was all over and he could carry on drinking cocktails on various beaches around the world.

God I hope she wins

I also think with regards to causing him hurt - if he's the kind of animal who can rape a woman and stand up and deny it, I can't imagine him holding his current relationship with any importance.

Seriously could picture her confronting him, him crying and saying it was all bullshit etc, her either believing him and thinking badly of your daughter, OR her not believing him, or being unsure, and him saying "fuck off then".

He doesn't strike me from what you've said as the remorseful type.

A man who's capable of this sort of crime won't think the same way you and your family do, there must be something seriously wrong with the way he's wired. You guys are all better than him, I get moving on must be feeling impossible, but I also don't think anything you do can truly affect him in the way you want.

Again - really meant in the nicest possible way. He's a monster.

If you have your DDs blessing I would do it anonymously but keep it factual. So sorry your family have been through this awful experience 💐

I would, definitely.
I am the least vengeful person you could ever meet, I don't agree with capital punishment or vigilantes but I do now think that a family affected by something like this is entitled to some justice.
Only those affected though, not some random mob, carrying pitchforks who love trouble.

I think you could do this anonymously and as others have said, stick to the facts. If she stays with him /believes his version, at least she has been warned and can make the decision for herself..

So sorry you are going through this.

Also, the new girlfriend may have red flags that she may be ignoring, and this might be the push she needs to listen to that little voice in her head.

I read your previous threads. I think you have to follow DD's lead on this, if she really supports you then yes I would send an email stating the facts. But make sure it will not affect any future action she might want to take against him.

I’m torn for all the reasons many have posted. I can see why you’d want to -why should he continue to live his life normally when you’re family has been torn apart etc...
Equally, there are good reasons not to tell her and to try and believe karma will get the fucker in due course.
I’d also like to express my sorrow to you and your daughter for what you’ve been through.

Do it. I'd want my Dd to know she was dating a rapist, then she could run A mile. Much love to you and your Dd.