To be sick of snide comments about the "rat race"

[EnglishBreakfastPlease]

I am in my late 20s and I have a very dull job which I chose to go in to because the career pays well long-term. It can be stressful but I generally get on fine as long as I plan well and keep on top of things. There are of course occasional curveballs but that's to be expected.

DP and I chose to live in London for career progression, we want to ensure that we have enough money to retire as early as possible and pay off the mortgage as early as possible. We are TTC although no one knows this as both of us are quite private.

Whenever we go up to visit family and old friends there is always at least one person who makes gleeful digs/reference to how much I must be suffering to be trapped in "the rat race", how happy they are to have children and how their kids mean the world to them and they would never put them above "some job", how I must be mental to do the commute that I do...

I dread going now, and there's something about the phrase that gets under my skin, even if I'm not particularly stressed about work. If I mention a stressful time period at work, e.g. year-end, then I get stupid comments about that being the price of being in the rat race and that's what I signed up for. But mostly I'm fine, I don't feel in any race and if I say as much then I'm just being "defensive"

We've just come back from another weekend which was supposed to be chilled, fun, nice family BBQ, but instead I have come back feeling totally fed up, quite attacked and aggravated. I wish they would shut up and stop attacking me for prioritising different things in life.

We get told this all the time. And if you can find something you love, that's brilliant. But most jobs just aren't that type

I agree with this and I’m not saying find a job you love but if you can put all that energy into having an enjoyable career instead of one you can’t wait to get away from its much better for your mental health.
If OP was in a low paid job this would be bad advice but she’s clearly intelligent/determined/successful.

What about it works for me and a shrug
This person would still be a dick and make dogs even if your life was different op but I feel for you as this shit is draining

Don't stoop to their level.

Just say "isn't it as well that we are all free to live the life we want to."

I don't dislike my job per se, I dislike working in general. For me financial freedom is important, and this job helps me achieve that. I go in, do my work, sometimes work late, go home. It's stimulating without being too challenging and my colleagues are nice enough so I can't complain from that point. I don't work for a huge company at all, is not like I'm an investor at JP Morgan off my head on coke every other day

I used to work in politics, a charity, and other random little jobs. I do not like not having money and feeling just as, if not more, stressed as I do now. This plan has been in the making in the last 2 years and I can see the career progression. I probably won't go for CRO or anything, but a position 50-75% towards that will be quite nice. The ultimate dream is to pay down mortgage considerably and then start my own business.

But all of that is irrelevant, the issue is rude comments and gleefully projecting boring stereotypes and aggravating me to the point that I don't want to socialise with our friends and family. I shouldn't need to explain my life plans!

I think I definitely need to stand my ground a lot more. I've been too afraid of coming across as rude all this time. Thanks all

TheViceOfReason

Ooh great response!

GET THE CHANEL BAG!!!!!!!! And take it with you next time you visit. When the comments start, and they will, smile and say 'oh this old thing?'
There's nothing wrong with grafting hard, and enjoying the fruits of your labour. Good luck with TTC

I think I definitely need to stand my ground a lot more. I've been too afraid of coming across as rude all this time.

They're not worried about coming across as rude towards you though, are they my love?

Jeremybearimybaby

Hahaha thanks for your encouragement! Very tempting to do this

I used to get these comments all the time. Here's how I handled it by grinning, feigning exhaustion and saying "yes, it's so bloody draining I shan't be doing a thing all weekend except sitting around drinking tea and gin".

If their lives are all happiness and roses, let them do the washing up and wait on you

p.s. I also used t shock people with the how I spent my money (you spent WHAT ona watch?!?!). I would just grin at this also and often wind them up. e.g. "how much did that jacket cost?" "oh, I can't remember exactly, something between £50 and £850"

The last laugh is with me, anyway. Now I live out of London and don't earn anywhere near as much but my house is filled with quality items I bought back then and that are lasting and lasting...

Rat race away.
I'm jealous.
I gave up my hated job to be a sahm. Now I cannot find a job at all, let alone one with a decent salary. I do freelance bits here there but not enough to live on.
We can't downsize or move in the future as we bought a fixer upper that is more of a fixer than an upper yet, I've had no pension input for 5 years now, holidays are out of the question and I'll be lucky if I ever retire. Well I suppose you can't retire anyway if you don't have a job.
Don't let people justify their life choices by putting you down.
Get smug.
And carry on.

PP: Can't you just be Ms Smuggerson and say 'oh well I'm hoping to retire at 50/pay my mortgage off by 45'?

OP: Ooooooh I cannot tell you how tempted I am to do this. They already think I'm posh/a stuck up bitch, so not sure if this would be adding fuel to the fire

Or how about a well-aimed, 'oh do fuck off, you boring little tit' - delivered in a pleasant, deadpan manner and a cut-glass accent - the next time they trot out their oft-repeated protestations. Bet that would cause a long tumbleweed moment ...

I 'get' that this usually isn't a viable option (but oh HOW tempting), but at least you could ask politely how this affects them, or why they have such a loud, persistently buzzing bee in their bonnet about your life.

Why do people get so het up about the lives of others that don't even remotely affect theirs? If they're genuinely happy, I find they're amply supportive of others doing and living as they wish. Or, at worst, they couldn't care less.

There's a large chip on someone's shoulder, but that isn't your problem, OP. It's theirs.

You can’t win OP

Depending on who you talk to if you don’t work or are in a low paid job you’re an unambitious loser, if you do have a successful career you’re in the “rat race” and are mocked for that. It’s so depressing.

when they go on about the kids and how they do family shit every bloody weekend, you can go on about the child free restaurant you went to last week, the theater, the movies, the gallery opening you attended, how you can just jump up on a whim and dash over to France ( anywhere) for a weekend when ever you want, with a few mins notice, how awesome your holidays are not worrying about where i left the baby or where little Timmy has run off too

Oh dear, this was me with my dsis and family.
We are the complete opposites and she'd tell us about her glamourous London life, her kids great schools, both their huge salaries and complain about being stressed.

We are poor, mortgage paid off at 40, never earned much money between us and never got involved with the rat race, just work for the amount of money we want, and prefer time over money.

We are all different though, and the only time I'd mention our completely free to come and go as we please, stressless life, was when they was telling us how we should be like them.

missbattenburg

p.s. I also used to shock people with the how I spent my money (you spent WHAT ona watch?!?!). I would just grin at this also and often wind them up. e.g. "how much did that jacket cost?" "oh, I can't remember exactly, something between £50 and £850"

That's evil and I love it

IhaveALooBrush

Sorry to hear that, I hope things improve for you. Have you thought about starting up your own business?

MarieIVanArkleStinks

Why do people get so het up about the lives of others that don't even remotely affect theirs? If they're genuinely happy, I find they're amply supportive of others doing and living as they wish. Or, at worst, they couldn't care less.

Absolutely. I understand that it's not easy working in McDonald's/Tesco and supporting a family, but don't take it out on me!

Would love to use your response but I am not brave enough haha

Paramicha

Poor form to be bragging like that, I'm sorry you had to put up with it.