To be sick of snide comments about the "rat race"

[EnglishBreakfastPlease]

I am in my late 20s and I have a very dull job which I chose to go in to because the career pays well long-term. It can be stressful but I generally get on fine as long as I plan well and keep on top of things. There are of course occasional curveballs but that's to be expected.

DP and I chose to live in London for career progression, we want to ensure that we have enough money to retire as early as possible and pay off the mortgage as early as possible. We are TTC although no one knows this as both of us are quite private.

Whenever we go up to visit family and old friends there is always at least one person who makes gleeful digs/reference to how much I must be suffering to be trapped in "the rat race", how happy they are to have children and how their kids mean the world to them and they would never put them above "some job", how I must be mental to do the commute that I do...

I dread going now, and there's something about the phrase that gets under my skin, even if I'm not particularly stressed about work. If I mention a stressful time period at work, e.g. year-end, then I get stupid comments about that being the price of being in the rat race and that's what I signed up for. But mostly I'm fine, I don't feel in any race and if I say as much then I'm just being "defensive"

We've just come back from another weekend which was supposed to be chilled, fun, nice family BBQ, but instead I have come back feeling totally fed up, quite attacked and aggravated. I wish they would shut up and stop attacking me for prioritising different things in life.

Your family and friends who make these comments do sound irritating and I think there must be jealously behind it.

Are you genuinely happy though? This seems to bother you a lot and the language you use about the 'dull job' ( i know you said you are thinking long-term) comes across like you might not be. Maybe they are picking up on this with thier snide comments. Are you worried about juggling the job/commute and baby if you are successful ttc? These are genuine questions after reading your post, apologies if I'm reading this wrong. I commute and work long hours and this makes life harder with kids but no-one has ever made snide comments to me about it.

Obviously go for it, but it is a rat race, you may (and hopefully you will) end up retiring early with the mortgage paid off, but it doesn’t mean you’ll be looking back thinking it was all worth it. Especially if you end up having children and sacrificing time with them just to keep up with the “race”. I value time and perspective with my family and friends from home as it reminds me there is something in life, other than doing well professionally.

I think they're very rude and incredibly unreasonable, of course YANBU not to want to be sneered at. The only thing that bothers me about your opening post is that you describe your job as dull. I really think life's too short to spend thirty years of it doing something you don't like.

(I love my job, incidentally, if I'd had to choose between it and the chance of children I'd have chosen the job, so I'm not saying your values are wrong. But I do genuinely love the work itself, not just the pay cheque, although the pay cheque is important. And I can't think of anything worse than retiring at 50.)

Say I appear to have to stepped into a Bridget Jones movie where you are the smug marrieds. However unlike Bridget I have my man and a great job.

They are envious of your life !

Sorry, that wasn't amazingly coherent. I think what I was getting at, but didn't actually say, is that the way to make your life even better would be to find a job you actually enjoy in itself. I'm not suggesting radical career change, but there are more and less interesting opportunities in every profession.

Yeah any snide comments about London have me thinking about my salary and rise in house value, and it's water off a duck's back.

Also living in London is bloody good fun! (And I don't have to deal with dull provincial types and their chips)

They sound well balanced, as in a bag of chips on each shoulder!

When you are young is the time to work hard, play hard, build up your CV and lay down firm foundations for the future. London is a wonderful place to be at any age. Some people are just dull and have no ambition or imagination. Live and let live, I say.

You sound very insecure and like you don't like your job. The best revenge is living well. Just sort yourself out to like your own life then other people won't bother you.

It sounds like a finance job. Is it? I know how that gets, with the stress and it would be easy to class it as dull. Don't be so hard on yourself. What are the home friends and family doing that's so much more interesting? Movie acting with Idris Elba?

Dont fall into the trap of hating your job but being too well paid to leave.

While you are young could you make another career move to get yourself into a role you prefer, maybe higher up the ladder?

We got this too, best to ignore. You'll be damned if you do or don't. I worked tremendously and was told 'i don't know how you do it, I couldn't leave my kids every day, I just love them so much' Then when I was a sahm for a period I was living the high life off DH's money. Some people won't let you win.

This column is old but I really like it. www.getbullish.com/2010/12/bullish-maybe-work-life-balance-means-you-should-work-more/

I have a job which I would describe as a "dull" job. I'm an accountant. Loads of people can't think of anything they'd like to do less. But I actually really enjoy it. It involves strategy, analysis, problem solving. I like numbers, I get to support my organisation. It pays well. I work in the public sector so even feel like I'm doing some good. I like the security.

So I think you can have a "dull" job that satisfies you for sure.

Yes be Ms Smuggerson!!!
You need to show some sass and nip it in the bud. I get the impression you are more determined than the average 20-something so you should be proud of that. Be assertive. “Don’t f&@k with me b!tch” body language works really well too. Get proud and the haters will shut up.

What NoSauce said. “Just smile and wave, boys, smile and wave!” You have nothing to justify, they’re obviously insanely jealous of your lifestyle and your freedom. I like 31RueCambon’s security retort. Keep doing what suits you.

So I'm a risk analyst. I help companies manage their risk and I report on it. I work for a small finance company at the moment. It's fine and I don't mind it, it uses my skills, but there's no way to make it sound interesting!

My "passions" in life are baking and painting, but I'm not going to pay off the mortgage and start my own business doing that

And I can't think of anything worse than retiring at 50.
I can see how this can be for people but how lovely to have the option to do so.

I know people who've paid off their mortgage, retired from their regular job and have either worked in a consultancy basis for their old (and new companies) or gone in a completely different direction to the job they did in the past.

Many jobs are "boring", its what you make of it.

It's pretty suspicious that they are so invested in this and make so many comments. Makes it seem like they may be jealous or have a huge chip on their shoulder about you being posh or something...

I would personally hate to live in London and do an office job. Can't imagine anything worse. But so what? I chose a different path because it suited me. I have friends with a similar lifestyle to yours and we get on great. I love hearing about them getting a promotion, or an exciting event that they've been to in the big city. I'm genuinely happy for them. I'm sure they wouldn't choose to move to isolated rural Australia milking goats, chasing chickens around and baking bread all day, but that's what I chose and they're happy to hear about my little adventures.

Variety is the spice of life. They are the ones with the problem, not you. You keep on in your "rat race" and thoroughly enjoy paying your mortgage off early. Imagine all the "snobby" life choices you could make with that high salary and no mortgage. They'll probably have a fit when they hear about it

I have a similar problem. Currently living in Switzerland, and when we are back in the UK, someone has to make a not so nice comment about it.

Often, the person who makes such a comment is someone that I am being very nice to.

I have even gone so far as to limit my social media output, to make sure it could not be construed as "showing off", but it doesn't make any difference.

@OhTheRoses if she’s got a levels in maths and art does that make her good at paint by numbers!?

it’s ok... I’ll see myself out 😂

That made me laugh @MrsAJCrowley. I'll remember that one she'd have made mire miney

Most people don't have fascinating jobs, do they? I've never believed that many people have the careers of their dreams and genuinely love everything about their jobs, and I think it's dangerous to teach kids that they will be able to achieve this. Almost every job has an element of slog.
My job is very, very dull and repetitive, which is why I am able to support my family- not many people want to jump through the official hoops and do the necessary paperwork etc, so I am able to take advantage of a relative lack of competition. There are things about it that I value highly and some which I wish would just fuck right off. That's life. I'm glad that not everyone wants to do the same as me because if they did I'd be broke!

I think I’d call them out on their inverse snobbery: ‘oh let’s not start this again, it’s not nice to look down on people, I’m happy with my lot’ and then just smile and change the conversation.

When I was at uni in my home town (and had secured a place on a prestigious graduate scheme in London) I was working in a supermarket. Obviously for some of the staff that was their permanent job. I mucked in and went to all the socials etc, but for some reason one of the cleaners seemed to feel inferior (?) to me. Sorry I know that sounds patronising but I don’t know how else to put it. No one else seemed to have an issue with me. She would constantly talk about my embarrassing little car (just an old Peugeot, I had just passed my test) or my jeans (‘thought a girl like you would have a fancy dress dexy’) or tease my accent. One day I just flipped and said ‘stop being such a snob Anne!’ (Tinkly laugh) and that shut her up, ‘the snob’ calling her a snob!!!

The language you use to describe your job is negative - 'dull, stressful at times, mental commute, don't mind it'. I can see how if you talk about your job like that to others they will wander why on earth you do it.

You motivation is that it pays wells so you can possibly retire in 30 years time. It doesn't matter that the job doesn't sound interesting, what matters is are you happy to do that job, dreaming of life when you are in your 50s. Sounds like you are living for tomorrow, but don't sacrifice living today. Life may change drastically when you( hopefully) have the children you are ttc.

OP you shouldn’t aim for a job that pays well so you can retire early, you should try and aim for a job you don’t want to retire from. 30 years is a long time to do something you don’t enjoy to retire early from.

OP you shouldn’t aim for a job that pays well so you can retire early, you should try and aim for a job you don’t want to retire from. 30 years is a long time to do something you don’t enjoy to retire early from

We get told this all the time. And if you can find something you love, that's brilliant. But most jobs just aren't that type, for many of us it's our colleagues or the pay or the flexibility that makes a job 'good' and that's ok too. Working in finance in your 20s can be boring (given the year end references it looks like op is in some area of accounting), but if you're good it can take you all kinds of places, including CEO and board positions. I had some dull years early on in my job, but now I've put in the work I manage a team and get to do far more interesting stuff.

I like to say ''I really value the security''

This is what I say too, because it is true. I value the security and the opportunities and not having to worry about e.g. expensive dental work like root canal etc over working in 'a passion' which I don't even have anyway.