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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I could get a dog

42 replies

jamoncrumpet · 21/07/2019 15:31

I'm miserable and I'm lonely. DS is starting school in Sept and I have a 1yo DD at home with me.

I've had horrific PND this time around and have been really struggling this year with sorting school for DS (who is autistic and going to a specialist school).

I have always, always wanted a dog. Used to cry for one as a child. Have literally been waiting all my life for the right time to get one. I have GAD and animals always make me feel calmer. DH knows I want a dog and just wants me to be happy.

I know a dog would be hard work with young kids, but I just want one so badly. And I'm at a point with the PND where I would just do anything to take the focus away from how utterly miserable I am.

We have plenty of space, a huge garden, and live in the suburbs. Someone is always at home, except for pop outs to collect from school etc.

WIBU to be seriously considering this?

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 21/07/2019 15:55

Sounds doable to me. But maybe you can rehome a calm, adult dog? Shelters probably won’t let you adopt but you could look for one privately. Saves you dealing with the puppy stage and also helps out a dog who needs a home.

Original poster
jamoncrumpet · 21/07/2019 15:56

I would love to rehome but it's difficult with young children. You're right, no shelter would consider us.

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 21/07/2019 16:00

If you’re in the UK there are many small independent rescues; many foster based and dogs are individually assessed and placed. PM me if you need recommendations.

Doodledoom · 21/07/2019 16:28

Please avoid rehoming an older dog privately whilst you have young children.

People will lie about the dog being safe and suitable around children and you could end up putting your children in danger.

The reasons rescues don't consider young families with older dogs is most are not compatible with children. If you ring and ask if there are puppies in, (they don't advertise puppies) they will rehome puppies to families with young children.

BabyofMine · 21/07/2019 16:32

Having a dog was the worst thing for my PND. I felt tied to the house, was always worrying about getting back etc. Worrying about them around the baby even though there was no known reason to worry. That doesn’t mean it won’t help you, it might be the best thing for you, but I just thought I’d share another perspective.

Hairyheadphones · 21/07/2019 16:32

One thing to consider is that people do get the ‘puppy blues’ when the puppy/dog first arrives.

Original poster
jamoncrumpet · 21/07/2019 16:33

Thank you for sharing that @BabyofMine - I have fears that it could turn out like that for me.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 21/07/2019 16:33

I worry that you think a dog is going to be a magical solution to how you feel but it completely you worse
Also, I don’t like dogs and small children together, I don’t think it’s ideal for either of them
Puppies are very hard work and I was quite depressed when we got ours, you only Have to read to puppy thread on here to see how much some people are struggling . Most rescues won’t rehome where there are young children for good reason
So I’m sorry but while you could get a dog I don’t think you should

Annabk · 21/07/2019 16:39

I strongly recommend you use ‘borrow my doggy’ or help with (for example) an elderly neighbour’s pet before taking the plunge and buying your own. Walking a dog is great for your mental health but the relentless responsibility of caring for a puppy 24/7 is not good for GAD.

Stressedout10 · 21/07/2019 16:43

Please don't get a dog.
You are not in the right place for it just now, a 1 year old and an asd child is a lot of work add a dog that will need training and walking to what you have on your plate would be selfish and very irresponsible.
Sorry if I'm being harsh and not saying what you want to hear but its true

DianaT1969 · 21/07/2019 16:43

Do you know about this charity OP? Regular dog walking for elderly people who can't get out anymore.
cinnamon.org.uk/volunteers/
You can see demand in your area on this map

Bambamber · 21/07/2019 16:48

I was about to mention puppy blues and have seen someone else has mentioned it already. Getting a puppy is really hard work. It is hard to understand just how hard it can be if you haven't raised a puppy before, and I'm not saying that to be condescending. I've always been around dogs, but when I got my own first puppy it was a shock to the system. You do run the risk of feeling even worse if you got a dog.

Now of course it's not all doom and gloom, it does get better and easier, and some breeds generally are easier than others. If you do decide to go for it, please please please really do your research into breeds and their typical traits and choose a breed that will fit into your family lifestyle. Going for a lovely relaxing dog walk can do wonders for your mental health, but it takes a while for dog walks to become relaxing. If you choose a challenging breed or end up with a nervous dog, walks may always be difficult.

I don't want to try and put you off, because having a family dog can do absolute wonders, but sometimes it doesn't work out like that.

My dog for example is a cross between 2 challenging breeds. She fits our family perfectly, she is absolutely batshit but is one of the loveliest dogs you'll ever meet. All of my time when I am not working revolves around her and my children's needs. She is just as high needs (possibly more) than my toddler. She comes pretty much everywhere with me unless I'm going somewhere like shopping where she can't come in. But it's not lovely and relaxing, every single outing is a training and focus activity. We enjoy that, that's what I wanted, but my goodness some days I could just cry with the amount on my plate

mumderland · 21/07/2019 16:53

Honestly it's very very hard! I'd have another baby before having another pup. We have 2 DC both of which ive had PND with and having the dog made things much harder. It was another family member to look after, train, walk, feed, clean up after...
I would probably wait until you are feeling better mentally because it's not a short term thing. There will always be dogs available

Aquamarine1029 · 21/07/2019 16:56

I'm sorry op, but you are not in any shape to get a dog. You truly have no idea how much work it is, and what if you got a dog with issues on top of it all? A problem dog can literally be soul crushing and completely exhausting. Don't do this.

Opossooom · 21/07/2019 16:58

OP what about adopting a dog? Who is okay with children etc? Because a puppy for the first few months can be horrible! My puppy was particularly evil 😂 and I didn’t have PND! But I would say go for it they provide you unconditional love and support x

Opossooom · 21/07/2019 16:59

To elaborate an older dog... one in need of a home and love maybe from an ex old couple and most of the time YES the adoption companies are able to provide an insight into the dog as well as common sense. I don’t think a puppy will give you what you need though lovely to look at

PixieLumos · 21/07/2019 17:00

I know a dog would be hard work with young kids, but I just want one so badly.

I’m sorry, but I think this does make you sound a bit childish. Just because we really want something doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. It seems like you think having a dog will magically make you feel better, when in a few weeks the novelty will probably wear off. Practically, it sounds like you can give a dog a good home, but I think it’s important to be in the right mind frame as well - depending on the dog/puppy you get, it can either slightly relieve or significantly increase your stress (probably a bit of both). It’s fair enough to want a dog to make you happy - that’s essentially why we have most of them nowadays - but you need to also consider your responsibility in keeping the dog happy too.

TheInebriati · 21/07/2019 17:04

Having a puppy is like having a toddler that you have to watch round the clock, and potty train, and teach not to snatch toys, and teach how to behave. You have to fit your life in around the pup, not the other way round, because they can't be reasoned with. Its constant and its full on, there is no respite. If you make a mistake you have to work out how to fix it.
But once they are past the teenage stage, all the hard work pays off and you have a well behaved member of the family.

Start doing your homework now; pick some breeds, learn how to train a puppy. Timetable your day with a puppy and act it out. You only have a couple of years to wait until your youngest is old enough, do the preparation.

C0untDucku1a · 21/07/2019 17:06

Get a cat. Dogs are really hard work.

Greywillow12 · 21/07/2019 17:08

I found getting a dog mad my mood terrible and even 4 years down the line I don't really enjoy having a dog. Don't get me wrong I love her but it makes you stuck to the house while they are puppies.

All the training you have to do. And all the cleaning up. And even when they are housetrained . Your always going to have to think about them . Eg.. going away for the day you have to bring it with you or get someone to watch it. Which isn't always easy or cheap.

And already having kids will be even more work. S
That's just my honest opinion

bettydaviseyes1 · 21/07/2019 17:11

Do not get a dog because you think it will solve all your problems or make you feel better.

Work on than and then when you feel better get a dog because they wont be a magical fix and are hard work despite being wonderful.

SlowStarters · 21/07/2019 17:13

Dogs are very, very, very hard work.

Would you consider fostering for the Dog's Trust or another charity? You can foster a range of dogs from puppies to dogs recovering from operations needing respite and get a good idea whether having a dog is a good idea for you at the moment.

squee123 · 21/07/2019 17:14

I think a dog could be great, but a puppy could be a disaster given your PND. I just don't think having to watch a puppy like a hawk 24/7, sleepless nights, toilet training and preventing everything from being chewed would help you right now.

Guide Dogs regularly rehome to families with young children, as do the greyhound rescue charities. Contrary to what many think greyhounds can make perfect family pets. Also many small independent rescues are much more flexible.

CSIblonde · 21/07/2019 17:24

Private rescues will adopt to people with children & they do know older dogs histories. Puppies can be very stressful if you're not experienced with toilet training, behaviour training etc. You could also volunteer to do short term fostering, you might end up with a 'Foster fail' who you just bond with & can't let go.

Actionhasmagic · 21/07/2019 17:27

I fostered a dog curse to see if it worked with my lifestyle

Defo borrow a dog and see!

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