To think this was unnecessary?

[ComeTheFuck0nBridget]

Today DH and I were walking the dogs. DH was a bit ahead of me, and I stepped aside to let a couple pass with their dogs. Exchanged polite greetings, nothing out of the norm, no issues with our dogs or anything. They were then kind of walking in between DH and I for a little while.

The path opened out and DH stopped to wait for me, and when I caught up he said he had overheard the woman in the couple say loudly to her partner when they passed him "oh look, he's waiting for his fat wife".

I'm 8 stone overweight, I know I need to lose weight, I have no excuses. I've just this week booked in with a PT and started back exercising and cutting down on sweets etc. But I don't know what that woman hoped to gain by saying that to DH.

DH said something to them I think and they had gone as I caught him up, but AIBU to think that's so mean and unnecessary? DH was embarrassed and took it out on me a little bit, I'm upset and embarrassed too and just feel awful now.

What total twats. That says far more about them than you.

What do mean he took it out on you?

Very mean. Why did your husband tell you knowing it would upset you.

Why did your husband feel the need to tell you what they said if you hadn't heard. And why did he take it out on you? Does he have form for it?

Of course what she said was mean, unkind and unnecessary and I'm sorry she did.

I don't understand why your husband would tell you that when you've already put things in place to aid weight loss. Thats just horrible!

Hmm. Are you sure they said that? Could your DH have made it up to try and prove a point or something? The fact he took it out on you rather than being angry on your behalf is a bit stranger

He took it out on you? Because he didn’t step up and call the horrible cow out on it? Also, why did he feel the need to tell you? Had my DH overheard that, he would never have told me or he would have had a scarily quiet but very to the point word with the woman.

Why would he tell you that?

Your husband is the meanest person in this scenario. He had absolutely no reason to say anything to you. It seems like he was using what happened to make you feel bad.

Sounds a teeny bit like she might not have even said it and dh took it as an opportunity to be horrible to you.

If someone said that about my oh I wouldn’t tell him, he’s mean

What awful human beings!

But also, why did your DH have to pass on such a hurtful comment? And what do you mean he was embarrassed and took it out on you?! These two arseholes should be embarrassed of their nasty characters, you have nothing to be embarrassed about and your DH should know that.

What do you mean he 'took it out on you'?

And what do you mean by "DH said something to them I think"?

He either did or he didn't?

I've half a mind to think he made it up, to 'spur you on' in some horrible way.

What absolute arseholes. And I'm sorry but if your DH is embarrassed then he's an arsehole too.
OP, at least you are out walking and getting exercise! Sending

Yeah your husband made that up. Is he often a horrible fucker?

When I say DH took it out on me, I mean after he told me he then said it wasn't fair on him to have had to stick up for me about it, and also my weight does hold us back in some ways, we are currently TTC but we've come to a road block where we need further help as it's not happening for us naturally, I have PCOS which isn't helped at all by my weight, and I need to lose weight to get under the BMI limit before any clinics will help us.

I don't blame him, he didn't say anything untrue, he wasn't being awful. My weight affects him too because of this.

You've only heard your DH comment on your weight here.

He obviously has a bee in his bonnet about it and it seems more likely that he would make a personal jibe than some random strangers would.

He was being awful though.

And hypocritical too if he sees no problem in trying to conceive a baby with you, when you're 8 stone overweight.

Surely he knows the possible risks to you and the baby?

why did he tell you? what was the point of him repeating such a nasty comment?

Awful and mean. In my experience people like that have to say disgusting things to make them feel better about their miserable little lives.

Your DH shouldn’t have told you but I can see he might have been embarrassed and in the moment just wanted to share something that made him feel icky too. You didn’t deserve that

He's worse than them. Why onn Earth would he tell you that??
Does he thinking he can shame you into losing weight?

That's not unnecessary, it's fucking vile. You're out exercising which is great, and nobody has the right to comment in any way about someone else's weight. Nasty individuals.
As for DH, making you feel bad because of "how it affects him" is pretty shitty and arseholish of him. You're making healthier lifestyle choices which is admirable, and not easy. Fuck em, and have a hug from me.

he wasn't being awful

Yes, he was. One day in the future, when your self esteem has recovered a bit, you will be able to see it too.

It doesn't sound likely that someone would say that deliberately in your DH's hearing. I would also suspect that they didn't say that and he made it up.

Can you tell us more about your relationship, what is your life like day to day?

How did they know he was your husband if you were not walking together?

I don't believe they said anything. I think your DH made that up, to be able to berate you about your weight.

My ex used to tell me criticisms other people had made of me - in retrospect I don't believe any of those happened either. It was his way of demonstrating how inadequate I was and how "lucky" I was to have him.

OP-Sending unMumsnetly hugs. PCOS is evil and is one factor in putting on weight. It is cruel that the condition makes you much more prone to weight gain and is also exacerbated by it. The bright side is that if you are able to shift the weight, some of the nasty symptoms also improve for a lot of people. It isn't a cure but it does help loads.

I hope that your day improves. Whatever issues that woman had her behaviour is vile. Remind your DH too that you have a medical condition which is affecting things. He should bear that in mind-would he judge you if you had a different unseen health problem like epilepsy or asthma? If not, why should this be different? (If he would, dump him).