To think this was unnecessary?

[ComeTheFuck0nBridget]

Today DH and I were walking the dogs. DH was a bit ahead of me, and I stepped aside to let a couple pass with their dogs. Exchanged polite greetings, nothing out of the norm, no issues with our dogs or anything. They were then kind of walking in between DH and I for a little while.

The path opened out and DH stopped to wait for me, and when I caught up he said he had overheard the woman in the couple say loudly to her partner when they passed him "oh look, he's waiting for his fat wife".

I'm 8 stone overweight, I know I need to lose weight, I have no excuses. I've just this week booked in with a PT and started back exercising and cutting down on sweets etc. But I don't know what that woman hoped to gain by saying that to DH.

DH said something to them I think and they had gone as I caught him up, but AIBU to think that's so mean and unnecessary? DH was embarrassed and took it out on me a little bit, I'm upset and embarrassed too and just feel awful now.

Does your DH support and encourage you positively when you try to lose weight and exercise?

My first thought was why on earth your husband thought to tell you that? Cruel and unnecessary in my opinion.

So the woman was exchanging pleasantries with you but once she got ahead of you she waited until your husband could hear and said that? I doubt you've been told the proper story here op sorry :(

You have clearly identified you need to lose weight ( I'm in a very similar situation ) but this incident is now likely to affect you and rightly so. I wonder what your husband was hoping to get out of saying this? To shame you into losing 8st overnight? Slow and steady wins the race op, tell him to keep his nasty opinions to himself in future. You need his full support, to be your biggest cheerleader here. Hope you're ok

OP this is so horrible, but I'm really sorry to say this it seems more likely your DH made it up to have a 'dig' at you, and make it all about how it affects him. If it did happen, I can't under why he would have told you.

In this scenario your DH is the one that is being really horrible.

Sending you a big hug

Your husband is a twat. You don’t need to apologise to him for existing as you are. Tell him to sod off.

It does seem unlikely the woman would say that at exactly the moment your DH would hear, but your DH is the dickhead for relaying the information. Does he resent you for being so overweight that its causing the hold up in the fertility treatment? It sounds like he has some feelings bubbling up.

Your husband is embarrassed by your weight, how can you sit there and say he’s not being awful?

Being 8 stone overweight is going to make it impossible to conceive, without adding pcos issues. I know several people who have lost weight for IVF and conceived before they’ve even got to the stage of doing the ivf.

I know you’ll be sat there desperate for a baby, but don’t let someone be so mean to you in the process.

You are doing the right things to address your weight. .. but..

Yes it does affect those around you especially your spouse - but his best way to help you BOTH is to find a way to be supportive. Easier said than done.

I was also 8 stone over weight and my DH used to get really angry with my lack of commitment to a healthy future for both of us. He would try kindness, anger, bribery, anything really to to get me to see I was killing myself.

It was only when I realised that as much as I was angry and depressed at myself for allowing the situation to get worse and worse - but how my lack of action had affected my DH - that I took the plunge and went to my GP for a referral for Gastric Bypass.

Best decision ever made. I have my life back . No longer aching, exhausted and boring to be with. My DH is thrilled. Not just because I am thinner .. but most of all because I am healthier and we can look forward to spending more time together doing stuff - instead of me needing to sit down and have a rest all the time.

In my group of people who had surgery last year there were 4 (out of 12) with PCOS .. 2 are already pregnant! Check it out OP it's an option available to you if BMI over 40. - which it will be.

PCOS isn't helped by your weight but your weight won't be helped by PCOS either. If you have the type of PGOS that causes weight gain it will be a lot harder for you than others to lose it. And comments like that from strangers and, worse, your husband are not gong to help. You need positive and practical support from your husband. He needs to step up.

He told it isn’t fair that he has to stick up for you? What’s unfair about sticking up for the people you love when they are subject to mean and horrible comments?

As for being affected by your weight, perhaps here is a reasonable point. We don’t want to see our loved ones suffer, but I don’t think he made the point with a lot of empathy or understanding.

I bet he made it up .
He had no reason to repeat it to you ,other than to hurt you

I wonder if they actually said it. How could they be sire he was waiting for you? Personally I think he could have said to have a go at you.

Did you hear/see him speaking to them about it? I mean you should have been able to given you were there.

I don’t much like the sound of him OP. What’s he like about your weight usually? Supportive and kind or cruel and judgemental?

Of course losing weight will help ttc and your general well-being but he won’t help you by trying to shame or blame you and having a family is about team work. You need to know he has your back, not that he stands in judgement of you about this or anything else.

You’ve had a shit day. Try to put it behind you and look forward but have a think about the dynamic the two of you have and if it’s making you happy.

Sorry I don't believe his story. It's bizarre that someone would say that. I feel he made it up as an excuse to have a go at you.

I agree with others that they said nothing and it’s just your husband trying to shame you into dealing with your weight , you could lose a good few stone simply by getting rid of him .

He should of kept his mouth shut, there was nothig to be gained by passing on bitchiness

as for this I have PCOS which isn't helped at all by my weight

Turn this around to I am overweight which isnt helped by having PCOS

The woman that made the comment was completely rude and horrible and it was also mean and totally unnecessary for your DH to repeat it back to you.

I have no doubt whatsoever that the woman was smiley to your face but then said something nasty further down the path - I was sitting on a train for a short journey on a double seat, and a couple in their 70s got on talking about their much longer journey. The woman started to struggle down the aisle to the only spare seat next to me, and I prepared to stand up and let her sit down with her husband so that this lovely elderly couple could have a nice double seat together all the way to their destination. But on approaching me she huffed and walked back down the aisle to him shouting "THERE IS A SEAT BUT THERE'S SOME GREAT BIG FAT WOMAN IN IT". Reader, I watched that couple stand all the way to the next stop, 15 minutes, until I got off. Fuck them. Its become entirely acceptable to speak to overweight people like dirt and discuss them/blame them etc. It happens on here all the time too. MN reflects society very well.

Anyway, back to OP - your husband is a dickhead. I hope you can lose the 8 stone but I wish you could lose the other 13 stone that needs binning too. I also second the poster who talked about having bariatric surgery, please do consider this and talk to your GP, a number of women in your position waiting to TTC go for the surgery first. Maybe you could do that whilst you are divorcing dickhead ....

@ComeTheFuck0nBridget the people were rude, your DH was an arse. What I will say to you to give you some good news is that I have PCOS and was about 5 stone overweight, was told I would need IVF etc I've I got down to healthy BMI. I lost the weight (strict calorie counting, healthy whole foods, whole grain carbs, avoid refined start -all good for PCOS and gym cardio 3-4 times a week), we conceived a month after I came off the pill. It's not easy to get into it but once you are you feel so good, so much more energy, you don't realise how tired it's making you. I kept the weight off for over five years until I had DS and have gained a couple of stone which I'm now slowly losing again, but with less time for gym sessions! Fuck them all but do it for you.

Agree with all pp it was totally unnecessary for your DH to say anything to you at all, if it really happened.

My DH is older than me, and once DC sports coach referred to him (when talking to me) as DC grandpa. I corrected the coach nicely but wouldn't dream of telling my DH.

What do you mean you think your husband said something to them? Didn't you ask him? Because any man worth his salt would have given them a mouthful. And how come you didn't hear anything if the woman said it loudly? How far back were you fgs? I don't think anything was said OP, and that you could lose over 8 stone in one fell swoop by getting rid of your cruel twat of a husband.

Thank you for all the replies.

To answer some questions, the couple did know we were together because they were behind us for a while, gradually catching up to us. DH hates people overtaking him so started walking faster to stay in front, but I stepped to the side to let them past. We were on a section of the walk through some woods and the path is only wide enough for two people. So they did know we were together.

After some time to think and feeling a bit less emotional about it, I too do think it's a little bit strange, and there is a tiny shred of doubt in my mind that they actually said it too.

Reason being, DH had been moaning about everything this morning already, he was in a bad mood and had asked me two or three times when my training sessions were starting. I could sense an argument coming and when I caught up to him, at first he was just annoyed that I didn't keep pace with him to stay in front of the couple. But then, I also don't believe he could make up something so horrible??

@TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan thank you for your comment, you've done amazingly well to lose so much! I think that's the approach I'm going to take this time, I just want to get the weight off.

@DishingOutDone oh my gosh, that's awful. What's wrong with some people?!

@AnneLovesGilbert normally he's lovely. I was only about 1 stone overweight when we met, and for a long time he never said anything about my weight. He still seems to fancy me etc.

The only reason he started talking about my weight has been since we realised we were having problems with TTC. We've been trying for a few years now.

He never makes me feel bad about my weight as such, but he does talk about me needing to lose it, and saying how it's the only thing holding us back. He never uses it as a way to put me down or insult how I look or anything.

I really do feel so awful that the bad food choices I've made are affecting him to such an extent, I know he would love to be a Dad and I've been yo-yo dieting for years. I don't blame him for being frustrated with me, I'm sick of my own excuses and I'm sure he must be too.

He doesn’t like people overtaking him? He was annoyed you didn’t keep pace? Is there some MH issue that would explain this bizarre behavior or is he just an arsehole?