To think my DH should be getting these texts, not me?

[mydailymailshame]

SIL participated in an event this weekend. The morning of the event MIL sent me and the SIL a group text (just the three of us), wishing her luck for today.

Whenever it comes to keeping up with their family stuff I am expected to do the leg work. DH is never included in any of it because he is felt to be somehow above it (probably because he has a penis)

We have sponsored SIL a generous amount for this event. We are not non supportive.

But I would like to stop receiving passive aggressive texts reminding me of things I should be doing or saying. They're not my bloody family! AIBU to not reply?

YANBu. I left DHs family what's app group for the same bloody reason !!

YANBU - I would feel cross about this too. Ask for DH to be added to the group.

How is the message passive aggressive? If I saw that I'd say "good luck" or "how was it?", regardless of who was in the group. 3 seconds of effort to make SIL feel that others are interested.

How do you know "because he is felt to be somehow above it", what exactly has been said our are you projecting?

It reads to me that in your mind they are in-laws rather than people in their own right. It's an awful lot easier to get along with people if you treat them as individuals rather than as their role in the family. If you really dislike them so that's not possible then by all means reduce contact ("oh I rarely check the phone"), but if you don't have a reason to dislike them then it seems a bit harsh.

Suggest reply: Hi MIL. you appear to have copied me in by mistake. It is just SIL participating in this event not me.

As per @OKBobble then from now ignore the text messages.

If you are then asked about them freight ignorance about receiving them and point out anyway they should have gone to your DH.

You say "I've passed this onto DH and he'll get back to you! Xxx"

Be cheery. But always always always pass the buck.

I am expected to remember all the birthdays, and all domestic things are referred to me.

But if I have a problem, like losing a baby for example, I could not be further from their minds.

Well stop.

Just stop.

I've never given a shiny shit about my in laws birthdays. In fact I don't even know them.

If they don't get a card, feign astonishment. "Did he forget? Oh how silly of him. Well I dare say he feels embarrassed and will definitely remember next year!"

Ignore. You aren’t his social secretary

Next time, reply back to all but add in your DH with something like “think this was meant for you DH”

Yanbu. My husband ignores messages his mum sends so she's now taken to messaging me. Cannot be added. I used to respond and it was a lot fun and jokey that my husband never uses his phone etc.
Well, it's now quite true. He does use it, he uses it for things he wants to use it for and responds to people he wants to respond to but clearly can't be added replying to his mum.
I've started ignoring the messages so he has to respond at some point. Feel bad but I have my own stuff to deal with let alone his too.

@mydailymailshame sorry for your loss op. It is insensitive of them to expect you to provide support for SIL for an event when the support wasn't reciprocated at such an awful time. For me that would be unforgivable.

I'd just ignore and forward on to DH every time.

Well that puts a different slant on things. Just ignore the messages if that's what they've done to you, if they question it then just say you must have missed the message.

Just add him or remove yourself.

I wouldnt be talking to them, never mind responding to such bollocks as you've received this weekend.

Sorry for your loss.

You aren't his social secretary. Add him to the group and step away. Sorry for your loss. Xx

You say "I've passed this onto DH and he'll get back to you! Xxx"
Be cheery. But always always always pass the buck.

This exactly.

@mydailymailshame

ARGH! Why is all the family shit/domestic stuff always delegated to the females? Makes me sooooo mad!

It's 20 fucking 19, and this shit STILL HAPPENS!

I'd go with the advice to text a breezy message back saying 'I will pass it on to DH.'

The fact you lost a baby, and they didn't contact you then to see how you are speaks volumes about them. Self absorbed twats.

SOOOOOOO sorry for your baby loss sweetie.

I would find that that irritating too. I don't like group chats much. I feel the pressure of being expected to respond appropriately so I end up not responding at all.
I am a MIL myself and work really hard at not being annoying!
In your shoes I think I'd wish SIL luck in a private message.
My DS was born (a month prematurely) the day before my MIL's birthday. I was in hospital for a few days due to complications, and I was still the one in trouble because MIL did not receive a birthday card
YANBU!

I leave all my dh’s Family stuff to him. If he asks me to get a card etc I will but I’m sick of picking up everything. We have two kids with Sen and I pick up all their appointments and paperwork etc. He can arrange his own stuff so clearly his mother and brother who are both equally useless fall down the list. No my problem.

I’m very sorry for your loss OP.

I had 3 dc with exh. Ils never had my number.

I am expected to remember all the birthdays, and all domestic things are referred to me.

I hope you don't remember them?

Like others I don't get involved in ILs birthdays, DH sorts out cards and presents for his nephews and nieces and I do my side. He remembers them all.

YANBU!

I hate this, my IL's and DH's friends do it to me. They will ask me if DH can do something for them or if he is available for something. Every single time I say that I don't know and to ask him, yet still they continue asking me, 15 bloody years this has been going on.
DH has told them time and again to speak to him if they have a question for him.

I now just ignore anything for/regarding DH from them. I'm not sure why they ask me instead of DH because I have NEVER, EVER answered for DH. I think it is purely because I am the owner of a vagina and it is of course my job

In our family, I would get this sort of message because they know in all likelihood it would be me who'd organised the sponsoring, and me who would be more interested in SIL taking part in something. I certainly wouldn't see it as a dig at myself; if anything it would be a slight to my husband being left out.

How is the message passive aggressive? If I saw that I'd say "good luck" or "how was it?",

It's passive aggressive because it suggests that the OP should be sending such a message.