To think my DH should be getting these texts, not me?

[mydailymailshame]

SIL participated in an event this weekend. The morning of the event MIL sent me and the SIL a group text (just the three of us), wishing her luck for today.

Whenever it comes to keeping up with their family stuff I am expected to do the leg work. DH is never included in any of it because he is felt to be somehow above it (probably because he has a penis)

We have sponsored SIL a generous amount for this event. We are not non supportive.

But I would like to stop receiving passive aggressive texts reminding me of things I should be doing or saying. They're not my bloody family! AIBU to not reply?

Eh? You're enabling this crap, tell DH you're not carrying his family crap anymore and he can do it. Stop enabling the lot of them! Then add DH to the group and remove yourself. Job done! When they don't get birthday presents and complain to you, just head tilt smile sweetly and say oh I don't know, let me get DH, he's the one who deals with all that

My MIL does this. I always respond Mr nrpmum will let you know/deal with it because I'm sick to death of being the responsible one.

She once told me I should teach DH how to use the washing machine and make the bed. I told her that she was his Mum and should have taught him when he was growing up.

Block them on WhatsApp.

Don’t bother replying to text messages or answering your phone to them.

When they ask in rl feign ignorance.

They sound horrible.

I am so sorry for your loss.

How technically proficient is your MIL?

If it were my parents it’d be as simple as they hadn’t realised they were replying to a group text/ thought it was a whole family group. I had to tell my DM three times this morning as she was trying to find a photo to show me, (which i’d already seen as it was sent on a family group chat), that she was looking in the wrong chat. To say nothing of her sending my dsis a message she thought just to her, actually to the whole family (including DF), with details of the planned surprise for DF’s birthday.

Just ignore.

@nrpmum unless his dad wasn’t around maybe he could’ve taught him. My MIL waited on my bloody husband hand and foot. I do not. My mum finds this shocking. Yet complains my dad doesn’t do his fair share. He takes on cars, manual, outdoor stuff.

Happened to me for years, I feel for you.

I feigned ignorance in the end, which worked eventually. "Hi MIL, you've accidentally copied me onto this not DH. His number is xxxxxxxx, in case you've got them mixed up in your address book"... "Oops, MIL, you've clicked the wrong contact, it's me, not DH"... "Think you just sent a message to me that you meant for your son. I'm not seeing him until tonight, so you might want to re-send it." etc etc
Responding to each thing like that for a few months and she got the message.

I have to same issue OP. I get all the messages, and if I reply a no, or alternative answer to what is expected she will the text DH with the question.
I would just ignore if I was you 🤷🏼‍♀️ Then she has to speak to your dh instead if she wants something arranged.

Oh my old boss used to complain long and loud every christmas that she 'had' to write thousands of cards to her DHs family. When I pointed out that maybe he could do them, she shrugged and said 'they just won't get done if it's left to him' - like that is her problem!

Wife work.

If you don't have a close relationship with them if they don't bother about your feelings I'd stop worrying about what they think. What can they do, really, besides being disapproving?

You can do as others have suggested and consistently tell them that you're passing the information along to your husband-- or you can simply ignore the messages. After all, you could see that your husband was included in the message, and it is his family.

They might think you're "failing" somehow, but who cares what they think?

@Alwaysgrey his Dad worked 70 hour weeks whilst his Mum was a sahm. Now they are retired his Dad does every household chore, including using the washing machine.