I HATED my wedding

[Mrshaller]

Although I like the idea of marriage I never fancied the idea of a big wedding. However my husband insisted on one and I agreed to go along with it for him. Big mistake. Even though he did his share of the planning; for a year and a half I put up with all sorts of drama whilst we were planning and it took a toll on my mental health. I was extremely stressed and anxious about the wedding day itself but a part of me was hoping that I might actually enjoy the day when it arrived.

As I barely slept the night before I was exhausted so the day seemed to drag on and on. When we went into the hall to have our meal several of my husband's friends made a beeline for the activity packs I'd bought as favours for the children (these friends are all over 30 and don't have kids) before the children even had a chance and started loudly messing about with them. I wasn't happy about this but I was told to let it go.

I went to the bridal suite to have a lie down, then put on my evening outfit determined to at least enjoy the reception. Just as I was starting to relax and enjoy myself my husband was sick from drinking too much and the reception pretty much ended two hours early as most people left after that (his so called "best men" scurried off as soon as he was sick without even saying bye to anyone - leaving my BIL to sort him out) . My husband had thrown up all over the bridal suite and himself so the venue staff had to clean up after him (which came to £700 as they ended up having to replace stuff that couldn't be cleaned) and BIL bath him. I spent the wedding night in tears.

Just as I was starting to feel better about it our wedding photos arrived. Even though the photos themselves were well taken the majority of them were of his friends (mostly candids but there were quite a few posed ones too; there were actually more couple photos of his mates and their partners than there was of us!) and hardly any of the other guests. There was even an individual posed portrait photo of one of his friend's girlfriend (who wasn't in the wedding party or related to either of us). My mum, who'd paid for the photographer as a wedding gift to us, wasn't happy and we had to ask guests for photos to make an album.

Whenever I think of the wedding I get angry thinking of all the hassle I went through, what it did to my mental health, all the money which was wasted, how I didn't even get to enjoy it and don't have any positive memories of the day. AIBU feeling like this?

I hated my wedding too. We had it all, religious differences, family arguing, guests passed out in the garden, a dress that didn’t fit on the day (dressmaker had altered it after a final fitting but messed up), minister fell down the stairs, FIL gave a speech welcoming me to the family but forgot my name so used a different one...

I am still not over it 20 years later, and I wish I had eloped. Still married happily to DH, but the wedding was awful.

Mine was awful too. I was unhappy about it for a long time but got over it once I had the children.

Some things couldn't be helped - it rained torrentially nearly all day but the worst of it was the selfish behaviour of various people involved. My parents, sister, in laws, bridesmaids and to some extent my new husband moaned and griped about almost everything. I felt I bent over backwards to try and keep everyone happy but they were still moaning on the day.

My MIL kicked off a few days before the wedding because i wouldn't allow her to add more guests to the list including her cleaning lady?!? She kept ringing and ranting threatening not to come. I barely ate or slept the next few days. I lost weight dramatically and by the wedding day I was seven stone seven pounds (I'm 5'6) and looked like death. My dress hung off me. Anything but radiant! Oh and my PIL met my parents the day before the wedding and MIL referred to me as a "tarty barmaid". Nice.

I couldn't afford to have my hair and make up done. I slept with rollers in and it looked ok until it got rained on just before the church, then it was just dripping rats tails. My sister (golden child) wailed and cried that HER hair was ruined and our parents made a huge fuss of her and ignored me.

My bridesmaids turned their noses up at sleeping on camp beds in my living room so I pacified them by offering my room and sleeping on the sofa the night before the wedding, yet still they moaned and expected me to run around after them the morning of the wedding because they were guests!

When the taxi came to take us to the hotel (didn't have an evening do) my husband didn't make sure his overnight bag was in the car and somehow this was my fault because he assumed I would have arranged this. (I arranged and paid for most of the wedding, his job was to sort the honeymoon but honestly I thought he should be capable of making sure his bag was in the bloody car!) We had a massive row at the hotel and I ended up crying. Oh and he had no cash for the taxi so i paid that as well.

Photos were crap and I hated them, still do. (Eventually had a marriage blessing - NOT a vow renewal and formal photos at our youngest christening and I LOVE those photos).

Still married though after nearly 19 years so the crap wedding didn't really matter too much in the great scheme of things. When I think about it I can't help feeling a bit hard done by though! I have always been quite stoical and a bit of a people pleaser so I think people just forgot it was supposed to be my special day because I never usually made a fuss. Pah!

I think you might have married the wrong brother OP.

I also hated my wedding day and my mil made it unbearable sometimes with her demands and I had to have bridesmaids I didn't want etc etc but we've been together nearly 30 years now and I have hidden the photo album as I looked crap.

I hope you can get past this but really it's just one day of many. It's the test of your life that's more important now.
( I think lots of people don't enjoy their own weddings really or there is tension)

My d h insisted on a photographer that was cheap! No wonder, he was half hour late and didn't include half the guests in the pics.

I hope the ops dh apologised for being ill. 700 to clear up his mess was ouch : that would put me off drinking for a long time!
So much pressure these days though.

I sympathise; I didn't enjoy my wedding day either. But it was 10 years ago and I barely think about it now.....it'll bother you less as time goes on.

I would speak to photographer though and ask for at least a partial refund of your mums money. Their job is not just to take photos, it is to take the right/relevant photos.

Lemonlady22 that’s a nasty post on a thread like this.

Weddings are generally awful, both For the bride and groom and the guests. They go on for far too long, there’s too much money spent, too much planning and organising too high expectations on everyone. I I did it again it would be a registry office and a meal at the local Italian fo close family and friends only. No cake, no flowers, no silly cars, no hairdressers, make up artists, castles...I would not waste three days of my life planning centre piece or favours. God, the waste of time, brainspace, energy and money.

To the PP who said this: you must be in my brain! I couldn’t agree more. And I’m sorry OP you had such a crap wedding. There’s so much pressure for it to be the biggest best day of your lives when really other than the bride and groom most friends and relatives want to see you happy but genuinely don’t give a toss about how big or fancy a wedding it, and I suspect many are sick of the merry go round each year of attending multiple day-long weddings, travelling, giving money as a gift, outfits, hen dos and stags and all that crap.

We just got engaged and from seeing the weddings of different friends realised we really, really want to be married, but we don’t care at all about a wedding. So we’re planning a month-long engagement, registry office with five or six guests (parents and siblings) followed by a meal after somewhere we like, then a party a week or so later for everyone else, not a typical wedding reception but just hiring somewhere for anyone who is free to turn up and celebrate and eat and drink for a few hours. Then you’ve saved literally thousands, there’s no pressure or expectations on you so nothing to disappoint, and you’re legally married.

How’s things with your husband after this happened? Did he apologise or try make it up to you? I can’t even imagine marrying someone only for them to get so drunk they can’t even make it to the bathroom to be sick. That’s disgusting. Almost like he was more bothered about having a piss up with his mates than marrying you.

JemimaPuddlePeacock he did apologise. Things are fine otherwise, just peed about what happened

Oh dear! YANBU. Weddings are often a lot more trouble than they are worth imo.

No littlepaddypaws it’s not a ‘positive story’. It’s a series of braggy little comments, completely irrelevant to Mrshaller’s distress.
I think the most uplifting stories are the ones where things went wrong but the couple are still together and happy 20 or 30 years later.
Those of us of a certain age can see how crazy things have now become, how much pressure people are under to feel like film stars for the day, etc. It’s madness, but it would be churlish to say it out loud, in real life.
The thing is, Mrshaller if someone has blown their house deposit on one bloody day I bet they dare not even admit to themselves that they didn’t enjoy it.
I realise a lot of people do of course (enjoy it) and am happy for them, but there are just too many things that can go wrong, and do for a lot of people not to have poor or no memories of the day. I also think big weddings are more suited to extroverted personalities.
What helped me was thinking of one lovely thing about the day. For me it was remembering the expression on my dad’s face when he stood up to speak. He looked really happy. He’d got rid of me years before so it wasn’t that.

I hated my wedding day too. Couldn't wait for it to be over even before it began. Got through the shite day though and happily married.

Littlepaddypaws the same poster posted previously (only two posts up from the post about her son's wedding) saying something along the lines of "sounds like he wanted a piss up with his mates...so how's the marriage going?" so I doubt she intended it as a "positive story". It wasn't even her wedding she was referring to which makes it even more irrelevant to the thread.

@Kiwimumoffour we should set up a support thread. Mine was 5 years ago and the trauma is wearing off now.
I'm looking forward to renewing our vows at 10 years.

Here's some of what happened at mine... (I didn't want a wedding day to begin I just wanted the marriage, so couldn't wait for it to be over even before it began):

kept it smallish (40 guests) so immediately this pissed off most others I knew!; bridesmaid late; music wouldn't load for waiting and me walking down the aisle; I was stoned because took too much anti anxiety meds due to nerves; was up half the night pooping; hardly seen hubby during the day as he was so busy being mr social that he forgot about me; his best mate's exwife cut in and started dancing with him shaking her little rack at him; row ensued; two women guests started a physical fight; best mates exwife looked me up and down with distain (I wonder if she can spell the word JEALOUSY lol); my hubby bought a cheapo ring from Argos and it wouldn't go on during the wedding; my taxi was late (yes taxi); photos were awful, just so low resolution and a waste really; etc

Looking back we should not have got married whilst we were both so immature.

But I am glad we did get married. I'm glad the wedding is over and done with now. I felt so lonely and sad on my wedding day and very anxious.

On the plus side, many said it was the best wedding they'd been too and I don't think they were lying. It was low key, relaxed (for the guests) and no waiting about. Good party and plenty of food & drink.

Just glad it's over now. The wedding was never for me. It was the marriage I wanted.

**
kept it smallish (40 guests) so immediately this pissed off most others I knew!; bridesmaid late; music wouldn't load for waiting and me walking down the aisle; I was stoned because took too much anti anxiety meds due to nerves; was up half the night pooping; hardly seen hubby during the day as he was so busy being mr social that he forgot about me; his best mate's exwife cut in and started dancing with him shaking her little rack at him; row ensued; two women guests started a physical fight; best mates exwife looked me up and down with distain (I wonder if she can spell the word JEALOUSY lol); my hubby bought a cheapo ring from Argos and it wouldn't go on during the wedding; my taxi was late (yes taxi); photos were awful, just so low resolution and a waste really; etc**

This reads like a really bad episode of Eastenders. Can’t get my head attending a wedding like this as a guest. Let alone as the bride.

You narrowed it down to 40. Presumably close friends and family. And yet some acted like that

@Amibeingdaft81 the guests who misbehaved were not part of the main day, they were only invited to the evening reception and now you can see why.