I HATED my wedding

[Mrshaller]

Although I like the idea of marriage I never fancied the idea of a big wedding. However my husband insisted on one and I agreed to go along with it for him. Big mistake. Even though he did his share of the planning; for a year and a half I put up with all sorts of drama whilst we were planning and it took a toll on my mental health. I was extremely stressed and anxious about the wedding day itself but a part of me was hoping that I might actually enjoy the day when it arrived.

As I barely slept the night before I was exhausted so the day seemed to drag on and on. When we went into the hall to have our meal several of my husband's friends made a beeline for the activity packs I'd bought as favours for the children (these friends are all over 30 and don't have kids) before the children even had a chance and started loudly messing about with them. I wasn't happy about this but I was told to let it go.

I went to the bridal suite to have a lie down, then put on my evening outfit determined to at least enjoy the reception. Just as I was starting to relax and enjoy myself my husband was sick from drinking too much and the reception pretty much ended two hours early as most people left after that (his so called "best men" scurried off as soon as he was sick without even saying bye to anyone - leaving my BIL to sort him out) . My husband had thrown up all over the bridal suite and himself so the venue staff had to clean up after him (which came to £700 as they ended up having to replace stuff that couldn't be cleaned) and BIL bath him. I spent the wedding night in tears.

Just as I was starting to feel better about it our wedding photos arrived. Even though the photos themselves were well taken the majority of them were of his friends (mostly candids but there were quite a few posed ones too; there were actually more couple photos of his mates and their partners than there was of us!) and hardly any of the other guests. There was even an individual posed portrait photo of one of his friend's girlfriend (who wasn't in the wedding party or related to either of us). My mum, who'd paid for the photographer as a wedding gift to us, wasn't happy and we had to ask guests for photos to make an album.

Whenever I think of the wedding I get angry thinking of all the hassle I went through, what it did to my mental health, all the money which was wasted, how I didn't even get to enjoy it and don't have any positive memories of the day. AIBU feeling like this?

We eloped.
Parents were pissed off.
Photos were a bit crap.
After a fancy lunch, we spent the afternoon in bed consummating our union.
10 years on, still v happy.

Mine was horrible too. I console myself with the thought that at least I didn't spend lots of money on it and I did have a nice dress and a nice ring.
Mil insisted on hosting reception in her garden (we had very little money but had planned to host at our own home) but then had a strop because she couldn't cope with the pressure. DH drank too much and fell asleep as soon as we got home. We ended up in the pub with our mates in the evening which was okay but not exactly special. And because we were young and had no money I couldn't turn down work for the following week so no honeymoon.
It still makes me sad tbh but I don't want a vow renewal because according to MN it is like publicly announcing that one of you has cheated.
I might still go away and do it just the two of us someday though.

I'm trying to say that I was quite upset about the parents and photos at the time, but 10 years on, it just feels like the past. Incase you all think I'm being a smug bitch.

It sounds awful OP and I would have aged it too but it’s done now. It doesn’t sound like you are being unreasonable in feeling how you do.

Hopefully it may eventually turn into a funny story although that would take a very very very very very long time if it were me. 😕

*Hated not aged

My Uncle didn't RSVP but turned up anyway (as a surprise) - TBF he gave us a very generous gift.

The DJ was totally shit and I'm still pissed off about it 10 years later. I actually dragged him out of the room and stamped my foot - the only Bridezilla behaviour I've ever done.

We were really late to the reception (very small wedding and meal after, party after that) and I couldn't work out why everyone was staring at me eeeemmm... that would be you're the one in the long white dress

Weddings are WEIRD. But marriage is what it's really about, not the day. DD made me or I might have strongly suggested it when Meghan and Harry got married-- put on my dress again and it felt wonderful.

That is sad and maybe a lesson in standing up for what you want. I look back on our day with great fondness despite things going wrong-Vicar was more than a little tipsy so missed out a chunk of the service, there was a fight in the evening etc etc but these are funny memories and don’t detract from the fact that we got married and love each other.

I had no great expectations of our wedding as it had to be centred around the million aged relatives on both sides. DH was scared stiff and thought the whole thing was an ordeal to be tolerated. So it was dull as expected.

I just wanted some nice photos, but they came out crap

Honestly, forget the wedding and focus on the marriage. Your husband behaved very badly indeed, and he obviously has some dickhead friends. Hopefully, a lesson has been learned about him going against you in decisions and also about who your friends really are - it sounds like BIL stepped up and can be relied upon.
Look to the future OP.

I think it's a bit unfair for the husband being slated for wanting a big wedding. I'm sure there are any number of men who go along with just that when it's not what they want. Imagine what it must be like to put up with 2 year's planning and conversations about favours and menus and colour schemes when all you want is a small do. But oh no, he is a selfish prat.

My wedding to ExH was horrendous. PIL took over massively and nothing was the way I wanted it. Any suggestions or ideas from me were dismissed by ex in favour of anything his DM wanted. They even picked my dress 😂 (to be fair it was honestly what I was looking for and they came across it in the shops purely by accident but I didn't even get to go dress shopping!).

My DM and DSIS were annoyed because they felt pushed out but made zero effort to help. DSIS insisted on being my maid of honour and did absolutely fuck all to deserve the title. Planned my own hen do (which was literally a meal and some drinks in the pub) and she fucked off home half way through to see her boyfriend.

Found out two weeks before the wedding that hardly anything was paid for as ex had gambled all the money away so his parents had borrowed from family to fix everything before I found out. Should have cancelled there and then but I was young and stupid. PIL are good people but I was always afraid of upsetting them so just went along with things.

The marriage last a year and a half. Spent more time planning the wedding then I did married!

Well he is a selfish prat to insist on something and then do nothing to ensure his bride was happy and supported on the day, to get pissed and puke everywhere and allow his 'friends' to behave badly.

I felt the same. It was nice getting ready. Then people sat in all the wrong places for ceremony. The photographer was pretty crap and there are hardly any pics of us. That was a let down.
The seating plan was wrong so people were in the wrong place.
My husband disappeared for quite a while and stopped talking to people.
Family members arguing.
It feels like first world problems but you're right, when you've put so much time energy and money and effort into it, you'd want a near perfect day!

I had the small cheap wedding that most people seem to wish they’d had, and I’m still faintly sad about it 30 years later. I’d have loved a big fancy day, but no-one else was remotely interested, and we had very few friends, small families and not much money.

I made my own cake, did my own flowers, my parents paid for the food and booze for the reception (in their back garden). Through a series of miscommunications I didn’t even have a proper wedding dress, and I did my own hair and makeup. We had no music, my dad took the photos on his fancy camera. It just wasn’t particularly special. Everyone said it was a lovely wedding, and I’m sure it was for them, but for me? Not so much. I’d done all the hard work and didn’t even get to feel like a princess for a day.

It took me a long time to “get over it”. I mean I didn’t sit sobbing for years on end, but it hurt for a long time that my parents especially weren’t into helping me plan (especially as they were so bloody excited when their much younger nieces and nephews got married years later). It pissed me off that my fiancé (now husband obviously) wasn’t interested in any of it, and he hadn’t even booked us a honeymoon, or even a bloody night away, which would have mitigated it a bit.

I hope you feel better soon OP. I’m glad your husband has apologised and that your marriage is ok.

Mrshaller The photographer was an amateur/hobby photographer and a family member who my DM insisted on us having (despite me saying we were happy to pay to have a professional there too). It would have been rude apparently. It's a regret but nearly five years ago so less important now. I was utterly devastated at the time though. I don't have a single picture of me and dh together from our wedding day that's any good.

I feel for you OP, but try not to overthink it, it's just one day in your life and what matters is the marriage not the wedding. The wedding 'industry' has become an absolute monster over the last 15 odd years. The pressure for novelty, for everything to be perfect, for all the expensive extras (photobooths, magicians, doves, dogs carrying rings (!)) for it to be a social media hit etc. takes such contorted logistics, time and money, it's no wonder so many find they can't actually enjoy the day.

My DD married 2 years ago and the whole thing snowballed into the most ridiculous pantomime of tears, tantrums, bridesmaids being excommunicated, dogs in suits etc. etc. that afterwards I considered writing a tv play based on it called M.O.B. but it would be too far fetched.

Keep in mind the first line of the Serenity Prayer; give me the grace to accept the things I cannot change. That line has helped me a lot over my lifetime.

sounds like your husband just wanted a piss up with his mates....hows the marriage going?

I haven't bought it up with him yet as I'm not sure how to go about it

Tell them what you told us. You’ll feel better if you do. They could do some redos , I have friends who were unhappy with their photos, they got dressed up and had more done and were happy. Or you could get a partial refund.
The photographer hadn’t done their job properly,
Sorry you didn’t enjoy your day

my son had a lovely wedding it all went really well. I went up to bed (nice hotel) at half past nine with my small grand daughter...best bit of the day

Funnily enough my Mum and I went to a very dear friends wedding yesterday. Mum told me that she had wanted a registry office wedding and Nan had bullied her into a church affair with full reception. She hated her wedding day, and her dress, etc. I never knew that before. Mum and Dad have been married 50 years next year. Mum said it's the marriage not the wedding day. She's 100% right of course, but I think when it's fresh it's hard to let go.

My Mum said hers was like that - over 40 years ago.

It added to reasons we didn't have a big white wedding - looked at getting married abroad that caused family issues so had very small registry wedding and still had family drama.

I think we enjoyed it possibly as we didn’t spend a fortune – I would perhaps have liked more trappings - I find yes to the dress a bit upsetting as no one had interest in doing any of that we me - but honestly with family we have would have been more hassle and money and not worth it.

It was one day - money is spent - it's now trying not focusing on it.

Nrpmum similar to my parents wedding (they would've been married 47 years if my dad was still alive). They were only in their late teens at the time and my nan (mum's mum) took over the planning; insisted they got married in church whereas they wanted to go to a registry office, picked out my mum's dress, the venue for the reception etc. likeafishneedsabike my husband had two best men as he couldn't decide between them (he's known them both since primary school). My PIL and I suggested he asked BIL instead as he seemed to be keen on helping with the planning; however he made him a groomsman instead. BIL ended up being the one who done the typical best man duties whereas those two did nothing.

Lemonlady22 what’s that got to do with the OP? How does it help her?

@Mrshaller my Dad was early 20's and Mum late teens. I got married last year at 41, but it was very low key and I only needed to flip at one thing, which is good for me. I did get very drunk though which I regret. Sadly I'd been extremely ill that year and not been allowed to drink, so what I did drink went straight to my head. No sickness though, and apparently I still managed to chat to everyone even if it was bollacks

ihad it's a positive story among the rest of the death doom and disaster stories, it's a reminder that some weddings are good, most of the input on here aren't helping the op, but pp are sharing their stories.