Hey I signed up because I would like objective opinions , and maybe mums' point of view on who is being unreasonable.
So I have always been an angry person who has a big ego. As a child I used to cut my own hair in the bathroom, always fight in classes. I am now 26 , and trying to work on my sh*t personality. I have been doing great. I know I need to stop over thinking about what others think or my past mistakes; to stop asking my family to help me make decisions ; or get so defensive about criticism.
A bit of context. My mother and I never got along , since childhood ; and I resent her for never caring about me. She is a muslim and unfortunately I am more of mini-skirt person. She is OK with it as long as nobody sees me with her in the street.
Last night , my sister and I had an argument. I was shouting ( which I regret deeply). My mum got involved and did not ask me what was going on. She told me straight away to apologise to my sister , which I refused. When I asked her ( calmly) why she comforted my sister but not me she started getting a very angry.
So I am 26 , and live with my mum ( I know it's pathetic but I am really struggling to find a job). I used to live in another city , and my mum used to manage my money & student loan because I was scared I won't be able to. She tried to convince me not to me , I have a disability and she was tellinf that it would be too hars for me. I had 2 bank accounts , and she used to transfer me money from my other bank account and she used to use my money. I was happy studying away , I came back home after studying for 6 years last year.
So about last night , so when she got angry. She again called me a slt , whre. And went " You want to know why I did all this when you were young ? I hate you"... she opened the door so everyone could hear and then again called me a wh*re. She knows I am sick of being single , she told me " Who'd want to be with a whore like you ? Nobody" or about my struggle to find a job " you probably will end up in the street being a prostitute". I am used to her calling me those names , she always does everytime she is unhappy with me.
And I know I have my fault in this , I get angry easily too. But I never use insults.
But what really really hurt me this time , is that she spat in my face. And told me to kill myself. She used to hit when I was a child but never did it during my adulthood. What I don't understand is that when my sister is back in her home , she insults my sister but all of a sudden when she is there she loves her sooo much.
I did not cry and shout during the argument with my mother , so she carried on shouting at me. How I probably get drunk everytime I go out and fck guys ; how I will never get married because I am a prostitute. Apparently she knew from my childhood that I will be a btch. My mother does not talk to any members of her family ; and her relationship with my siblings is love then hate 6 months later.
I am struggling to cope today , but she is talking to me normally and asking me what I want to eat. I know it's my fault for not learning how to manage my anger sooner ; but she never tells me any constructive. Everytime she gets angry she won't tell me why, she just call me names and remind me of my past mistakes, or tell me how I am just like my dad.
What do you think ? I am struggling to cope today and as always just cry like a child. I am immature ; and have no willpower. I cry cry and cry.
Thank you all