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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Dh is being ridiculous going gluten free (again)

34 replies

ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 20/07/2019 10:30

I’m sick of this.

Dh gets reflux, which is shit. Over the past 3 years he’s gone gluten free or dairy free to try and see if there’s an improvement.

Any improvement has been minimal. He’s gone gluten free again (at least 4th time in 2 years). It’s a pain in the arse and it’s expensive.

Aibu to think he shouldn’t waste my and his time fucking about with this yet again.

disclaimer, I have a lot of sympathy for people who really can’t eat gluten. I have two coeliac relatives who will spend 12 hours vomiting if they accidentally eat a few grams of wheat

OP posts:
Smelborp · 20/07/2019 10:32

Maybe don’t buy gluten replacements - just leave them out? It’s his body and his choice ultimately. Just because he doesn’t die if he has gluten, doesn’t mean he won’t feel better without it.

NoSquirrels · 20/07/2019 10:34

Has he had investigations?

My DH has a hiatus hernia which has caused him a lot of issues. He does mad things with his diet that don't always make much sense - won't eat "wheat" e.g. bread or pasta but is somehow unaffected by cake Hmm but it's not me feeling miserable with the reflux when it happens, so I let him get on with it and cater around it or leave him to his own devices. But my DH isn't insisting on expensive free-from options - he just doesn't eat the bread etc and eats something else instead e.g. a salad not a sandwich.

AwdBovril · 20/07/2019 10:36

YANBU. It's more likely that any improvement he may experience when he cuts out gluten, is due to the consequent reduction of junk in his diet.

I have IBS & spent about 25 years trying to figure out my trigger foods. It turns out my only real trigger food is excess sugar consumption (I can eat sugary food, just in moderation). And I need to drink plenty of water. As long as I stick to that, I can eat all the other foods that I previously avoided, they don't affect me at all.

Original poster
ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 20/07/2019 10:37

Just because he doesn’t die if he has gluten, doesn’t mean he won’t feel better without it

This is at least the 4th gluten free attempt.

  1. in the past it make a negligible difference to his symptoms
  2. in the past he’s never stuck to it for more than a few weeks

It just feels like a pointless waste of time.

OP posts:
SAHD2020 · 20/07/2019 10:39

Eating GF doesn't mean buying GF products. You can ear GF by simply sitting gluten containing products from your diet without buying the substitutes. Eat potatoes and rice rather than pasta. Yogurt, fruit and eggs for breakfast. Salads for lunch and meat veg and potatoes / rice for dinner.

You'd be surprised how much you can eat that are GF already without buying the specific GF alternatives.

I've been coeliac for over 12 years and our shopping bill isnt massively high as a result of buying GF specific food.

dontgobaconmyheart · 20/07/2019 10:40

Hmm I don't know OP, I think it's ultimately up to him and you're just going to have to take it on the chin in the name of support really. I am coeliac and its grim if i get glutened but also have/had bad acid reflux and that is an endless pain and no less uncomfortable in it's own way literally and metaphorically, ruins eating and gets me down (stops me sleeping because I can't lie flat etc) - taking the edge of is better than nothing, so just let him do this unharassed tbh. Taking control of your own healthcare is a positive thing and it us ultimately up to him what he eats and tries. He must be feeling pretty bothered by it to a degree if he is looking for things to do to stop it.

Maybe suggest to him that if his symptoms are bothering him then he get back to the GP for alternative medication or a higher dose. There are several options. He might also be more likely to reduce his discomfort trying a GERD diet and eliminating acid reflux causing foods, rather than eliminating gluten specifically -as well as not eating late in the evening etc.

GF doesn't have to be expensive if you primarily eat foods which are naturally gluten free. I find it only costs a lot for me when I haven't prepped meals and have to buy ready made things from the free from aisle, or when i buy cakes or biscuits ready made. The baking costs the same as standard baking really.

SAHD2020 · 20/07/2019 10:40

I should also say I found out I had coeliac disease when I was being tested by the docs for excessive acid reflux.

NoSauce · 20/07/2019 10:40

He’s probably not been on a GF diet pong enough to make any difference, is he strict when he’s on it or does he cheat? As that will have an effect on whether it helps his symptoms or not.

mindutopia · 20/07/2019 10:41

Surely if he wants to be on a special diet, then he needs to be the one to carry the load of meal planning, shopping and cooking.

I’m more particular about healthy eating than my dh. He’ll eat anything and doesn’t care. So I do that stuff because it matters more to me (he plans and cooks the dinners on the days I’m working late and not home to eat, I do the other ones).

Blondebakingmumma · 20/07/2019 10:42

I agree with pp. don’t buy gluten free substitutes, just eat alternatives. Meat with veg/salad or sweet potato/potatoes as a carb

Davros · 20/07/2019 10:43

Would he spend his "free from" budget on seeing a dietician? I was getting severe stomach pains about every 6 weeks following surgery, explained as being due to adhesions. After two years I saw a dietician privately, only two appointments, and she put me through some analysis of diet and suggested low fibre and low FODMAP. Changed my life

NoSquirrels · 20/07/2019 10:43

It just feels like a pointless waste of time.

And it probably is. Just insist that it doesn't affect you and let him get on with it.

Eat meals where the 'gluten' element is separate - so don't plan a pasta bake, but serve spag bol and he can have the bolognese with a baked potato (10 mins in microwave).

Honestly, the list of stuff my DH now doesn't eat is long and annoying but it's his issue to deal with - I just make sure those elements are not integral to the family meal and let him carry on. Let it wash over you!

Encourage him to go to the doctor, though, if it is persistent and he doesn't take medication.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/07/2019 10:44

How does it waste your time? Just tell him to shop and cook for himself.

Hidingwhoiam · 20/07/2019 10:45

He needs to see a doctor.

If, on the off chance, it is ceoliacs. He would need to be eating gluten to have the test.

Personally, if the budget doesnt allow I would just make him forgo the gluten items from meals. Rather than buy gluten free.

And if he complains tell him to see a doctor.

llangennith · 20/07/2019 10:47

Show him the FB page 'Gluten free on a shoestring' and let him learn how to shop and cook for himself.
It really is up to him to manage his own dietary options.

Original poster
ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 20/07/2019 10:48

He’s been under a consultant for a number of years and had a fuck ton of investigations.

He’s definitely not coeliac. The consultants thoughts are there’s nothing worrying. The reflux seems to be worse when he eats a lot of fatty / acidic foods. As we age the cardiac sphincter weakens and that’s probably causing the reflux.

Dh is driving me mad with his “let’s try cutting out gluten for the 5th time” whereas the sensible course of action would seem to be “eat less fatty foods”

OP posts:
Original poster
ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 20/07/2019 10:49

If, on the off chance, it is ceoliacs. He would need to be eating gluten to have the test

He’s been tested.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 20/07/2019 10:54

I was going to say fatty foods are probably the trigger but he doesn't seem to want to try and give them up....

Most of all he just needs to keep a very accurate and complete food diary! DH can no longer eat in the evenings to soon before bed.

NoSquirrels · 20/07/2019 10:54

Dh is driving me mad with his “let’s try cutting out gluten for the 5th time” whereas the sensible course of action would seem to be “eat less fatty foods”

I feel your frustration. You just have to detach, I think.
My DH has been through all this too. Now I just try not to be involved!

VioletCharlotte · 20/07/2019 10:57

If you're in constant pain and discomfort then you'll try anything. I have a condition which means I have regular flare ups. When it happens I spend hours on the internet desperate to find solutions, including going dairy free, gluten free, etc.

It's your partners health and it's up to him how he manages it. But I will caveat that by saying he needs to take some responsibility for shopping, cooking, etc. It shouldn't all be left to you to sort out.

OhMyGodTheyKilledKenny · 20/07/2019 10:57

OP, I know exactly where you are coming from.

DP has a health issue (nothing serious or life threatening, not painful just irritating symptoms) and he messes about trying things like this.

Currently he's "dairy free" which means different fancy milks, special cheeses etc which all cost money, take up half the fridge and involve faffing around when planning family meals etc but at the same time he'll happily eat a slice of the "normal" cheese topped pizza I made for the DC or partake of a clotted cream tea Hmm

We've also had a gluten free phase too and a "add turmeric to every fecking meal" phase

Original poster
ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 20/07/2019 10:58

Thanks, I just wanted a moan.

In the grand scheme of things dh fucking about with his diet is annoying but pretty minor. I’ll just let it wash over me.

OP posts:
Isatis · 20/07/2019 11:01

Wouldn't ranitidine be a more effective remedy?

Gingernaut · 20/07/2019 11:03

Common causes of reflux are over eating and obesity.

Losing weight and eating small meals would be far more useful.

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 20/07/2019 11:06

@Davros do you mind me asking how much that cost? My GP isn't keen on referring me but I can't seem to eat anything without bloating so I'm eager to find a diet that works.

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