Do you agree with this?

[borderlinebun]

So I've recently started Dialectical Behavioural Therapy and one of the first things in the handbook is to accept the assumptions about people. As you never know what someone is going through, we're supposed to just accept that ALL people are doing their best ALL the time. I just can't agree. Yes, many people are doing their best, but surely not everyone?! And certainly not all the time?! Personally I think it justifies laziness, most of us are capable of trying harder. I challenged it in the group therapy session which started a debate so I thought I'd put it to the good people of Mumsnet. AIBU or is this statement ridiculous a bit simplistic?

I agree with you, it's too simplistic and downright untrue in a lot of cases.

Well yes. It’s not true.

But the underlying thing is for you not to care, detach and see the good in people despite their failings and then you can not have them in your life and not let their behaviours effect you.

You need to read it in conjunction with the other assumptions, it gives a better context. It would be helpful if you could post them here so people can give comment based on the full text.

It’s obviously not true. What is the reasoning?

I imagine it's a good starting point for individual level interactions in the absence of any evidence to the contrary.

Here's the full list. They are assumptions about you and the other people in your group. They're basically saying don't be a dick, everyone wants to better manage their condition, give them a chance.

**About Clients

People are doing the best that they can.
People want to improve
People must learn new behaviors both in therapy and in the context of their day-to-day life.
People cannot fail in DBT
People may not have caused all of their problems, but they have to solve them anyway.
People need to do better, try harder and be more motivated to change.
The lives of people who are suicidal are unbearable as they are currently being lived.

blogs.psychcentral.com/dbt/2010/11/dbt-assumptions/

It's a baseline.

But most people are struggling along doing the best they can - it might not be up to your standards of 'best' but it is their best.

it's a good starting point. Until proven otherwise assume good intent.

It’s simplistic, but it’s a starting point to not create drama, not get caught up in other people’s business, and most importantly to put the emphasis onto ourselves.

So in any given situation if you can just focus on doing the right thing, and “ keep your side of the street clean” there is a lot less scope for volatility and drama.

It’s not meant to be The Truth, it’s a working principal, a sort of a template to help us deal with situations.

Without some form of qualification, that statement is nonsense.

Am I doing my best at the moment? No, I'm messing around pointlessly on the internet.

It is qualified Screaming, for some reason the poster has chosen not to post the rest of the text, or the context to which it applies.

I'd need to see the context, then, NoBaggyPants. The posted line 'all people at any given time are doing the best they can' sounds about as unqualified as you can get!

Work in retail and you will see people not doing the best they can i promise.
Or if they are then god help them at their worst.
Its simplistic.
I m not doing the best i can at this moment.
If i was i d be cleaning the kitchen not on here

Sorry I didn't post the whole page as it's just the first one that caused the debate. I'm not bothered about other people's lives and how much effort they make, I'm just focussed on improving myself. My initial argument was that all those people driving without using their indicators are quite clearly not doing their best, we were told that we should assume they are

Yes, I agree with this assumptions!

As I see it, the point if this statement is, that as long as you don't know otherwise for certain, you act under the assumption that the people you are dealing with are doing the best they can.

If you’re thinking so much about this OP then you’re doing the right therapy! This is what it’s for! To be less attached to the way other people act and focus more on what you are doing. I do think people are generally doing ‘their best’ and that includes making mistakes and messing up and not putting their seatbelts on and other such things.

It’s kind of like ‘never assume malice when you can assume incompetence’

It’s not true all the time but having a more positive view of the world as a general rule can be helpful.

You wouldn’t then go always assuming that no one is ever malicious, but that bar for deciding someone is horrible is higher.

DBT is a principal driven therapy and because it is dialectical it is about finding a synthesis between opposing poles.

A major part of DBT is lean to take a non-judgemental stance towards yourself and others.

Whilst there are always exceptions, I think it is helpful to assume that everyone is doing the best they can. The dialectic is they want to improve and they need to learn new skills. The dialectical part is about 2 opposing things both being true and that there is no absolute truth.

I agree that broadly speaking most people are doing the best they can at any given moment. It might not be the best they are capable of, It might be pretty shit but it’s the best that particular person can do at that particular time. Even if they are aware it’s pretty lame and aware that they could do better but can’t be arsed there will be an underlying reason why they cba at that particular time.

Even if it isn’t true it’s an excellent attitude to take into group therapy as it will help you accept other people’s inconsistencies and imperfections.

How would you know that people not using indicators aren't doing the best they can at that very moment? We have no idea what is going on for others so if we take the DBT assumption it frees us up from taking a judgemental stance and helps us on a path towards inner peace.

Brene Brown is good on this topic.. sarahstewartholland.com/blog/are-people-doing-the-best-they-can

This is a very interesting thread.
To take up your point about people not using their indicators ‘quite clearly not doing their best’ - They probably are doing the best they can at that moment. I doubt anyone thinks ‘I know I should indicate right now but I prefer to be unsafe and inconsiderate so I’m not going to’. It’s more likely that they forgot or were momentarily distracted or are just very very bad drivers. That means they are fallible/flawed/ imperfect but they are still doing the best they are capable of at that particular time.

Exactly namechange. I don't know how familiar you are with DBT but it does also have a Fallibility Agreement where Therapists agree to take a non-judgemental stance that everyone is fallible and will therefore stuff up. And to not get defensive when called out on it.

It's DBT as a whole that's ridiculous tbh. It's a social model based on western culture with the foundational idea that you have previously been permitted to express your distress in unacceptable ways and need to be trained to be more socially acceptable.

It takes no account of context, psychology, biology, or trauma.