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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask them to waive the need for a guarantor

313 replies

Tiredunicorn55 · 19/07/2019 22:14

So I have got myself into a bit of a sticky situation.

I have given my house up (due out on the 3rd August) and I’m currently staying with friends to enable me to save up to rent a bigger house as the one I had was far far too small for me and a baby- let alone all the things I need to for the baby.

I have found a house and applied for this and divulged that I am going on maternity leave in November and they have asked for a guarantor.
I’m assuming they have asked for this as I will be on reduced income and/or in receipt of universal credit for a period of time.

My problem is I have NONE to ask. My mum has an IVA and my dad is apply for his second mortgage and doesn’t want to get into golfed with it. Can’t ask my sisters or anyone else really.
Foolishly I didn’t think I would need a guarantor - it’s my first baby and thought it would be a simple straight forward process with the only obstacle being the raising of funds to get myself through the door.

Do I NEED a guarantor? I understand the reasons behind asking for one, of course, but I have an impeccable history of rental payments and household bills. I have got into a bit of difficulty with my council tax once but that was sorted within a month, but would this show on a credit check? Maybe? I don’t own my car so can’t even put that down as collateral.

Really at a loss as to what I can do now, any rental experts out there who can offer any advice? I’m not in a position pay a huge lump of rent upfront as I’ll just be able to get together the deposit and first month rent needed in time.

Any help is appreciated! Thank you

OP posts:
HeadintheiClouds · 20/07/2019 13:58

I’ve had a look at that thread. Hmm. You certainly indicate that you’re living with your partner, is that no longer the case going forword?
Very Shock at you dismissing his child’s mother for being annoyed at his non payment of maintenance for two years; with a casual “she shouldn’t keep living in the past...”. Also at you saying you consider the child yours (plural). How long have you actually known each other??
Your whole life sounds chaotic and dysfunctional in the extreme, you need to get your head out of your arse and make some good decisions soon. This is no mess to bring a baby into.

groundanchochillipowder · 20/07/2019 15:50

I am shocked your family wont help to be honest. You are soon to be pregnant and homeless and your dad wont be a guarentor?

Maybe there's a very good reason for this. My MIL was guarantor for BIL, who is notorious for poor life decisions. Sure enough, MIL wound up paying his rent for all bar the first month of his tenancy. Now she refuses to do it for him.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/07/2019 16:34

In your other thread you do talk about “our house”.

I’m not shocked family won’t help. The OP had a place to live but it wasn’t up to her standards and why on earth would anyone sign up to be a guarantor to somebody who won’t be working very shortly but living on benefits? It’s an enormous risk.

CellularBlanket · 20/07/2019 16:52

I'm not shocked either. We don't know the family's circumstances or the history of OP's relationship with them. They may be in despair that she is pregnant by someone who is not going to be involved at all in the upbringing - financial or otherwise - of his child, and involved with another man who has left his wife and two children, (one of whom is 2 years old) - and is not paying to support them fully either. Maybe they have had enough and have decided that their daughter should approach the men she is sleeping with before asking her own parents.

RebootYourEngine · 20/07/2019 17:11

I don't think I would help my ds' in this situation either. OP doesn't sound like she is a responsible adult so why should her parents bail her out.

daisypond · 20/07/2019 17:32

You could look at being a lodger in someone else’s house. It may be possible, as they may not require the same sort of guarantees. But renting out a room to a pregnant woman or woman with new baby won’t be high on many people’s lists. I do know a couple of single parents who have rented out a room to another single parent and child, but the children weren’t babies.

Jennyfi · 20/07/2019 18:03

Is there any chance you can stay where you are, or apply for another house and not mention the maternity leave? Of course, best case situation is if your current LL will change his mind and let you keep the house on.

But don't be disheartened. You haven't messed your baby's life up, you've just made a mistake. It'll work out, even if you end up in a room instead of a house, or further away from the area you're currently in. You won't be on the streets with your baby Flowers

Lemonlady22 · 20/07/2019 20:25

this wouldnt happen to my child.....she would be straight back here living with me and her dad supporting her....even if she had made a big fuck up!

Original poster
Tiredunicorn55 · 20/07/2019 21:06

Oh well. Can only rectify it from here. Don’t see why I should be sat down in the dumps all day over a situation I can’t immediately change so I won’t sit there and beat myself up over it. And glad your daughter has a good support network :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiredunicorn55 · 20/07/2019 21:07

I get the feeling I’m on the receiving end of a lot of middle aged women’s attitudes because I’m not rising to the negative comments.

OP posts:
JustMarriedBecca · 20/07/2019 21:15

I'm aghast at the entitlement here. My husband and I both earnt over £80k in London (each) and we had a one bed flat with our PFB for almost a year. So many of my friends with similar (or at least £55k +) incomes did the same - because the extra £1k a month rent for an extra bedroom isn't worth it because you don't NEED IT. It would be lovely to have but if it's not essential (and it's not) then don't do it.

We had a crib, not a Moses basket because we did our research and knew it would last longer. Then we got rid of that and got a cotbed. No fancy nursery. Babies seriously need very little. People are trying to give you advice OP, you should listen rather than be dismissive.

Antigonads · 20/07/2019 21:22

You’re an odd one certainly.

HeadintheiClouds · 20/07/2019 21:27

Us middle aged women and our attitudes, eh?

Original poster
Tiredunicorn55 · 20/07/2019 21:28

I’ll be as dismissive as I like. I came asking for advice and I have got a load of abuse in return. Not what I asked for but hey ho.

But again I’m being dismissive because I’m not beating myself up over it. And you say I’m the odd one. Why would you want someone to feel like shit about themselves over a mistake? Surely best thing is to (like another poster said) put my big girl pants on and ‘take responsibility and get my head out of cloud cuckoo land’

Can’t win 😂😂

OP posts:
GimmieTheCoffeeAndNooneDies · 20/07/2019 21:29

It's almost as if you were trying to provoke a reaction.

Original poster
Tiredunicorn55 · 20/07/2019 21:31

Like some posters have done to me on this thread?

OP posts:
HeadintheiClouds · 20/07/2019 21:31

I really don’t think you’ve been abused by anyone, but you certainly haven’t listened to any advice. I genuinely wish you well, you have a hard road ahead.

Antigonads · 20/07/2019 21:31

You’re an odd one because you ignore questions you don’t like or don’t fit your agenda.

Actually. That’s not odd. Quite typical of your type.

Cerseilannisterinthesnow · 20/07/2019 21:31

😂😂 middle aged, I’m nowhere near it just live in reality not cloud cuckoo with rose tinted glasses

MonkeyTrap · 20/07/2019 21:32

Can you claim benefits on mat leave? Isn’t stat mat pay meant to be it?

As a landlord if I’ve asked for a guarantor is because I feel one is necessary. I wouldn’t waive the requirement and whilst your circumstances are sad, I wouldn’t have a tenant who’s future income was so uncertain.

Original poster
Tiredunicorn55 · 20/07/2019 21:34

I don’t see why I need to repeat myself. You lot have been commenting all day long. Clearly have nothing better to do than argue with me and with each other.

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 20/07/2019 21:44

Your type? Fucking hell there are some rude buggers on here.

Antigonads · 20/07/2019 21:47

Yep. Like flies to shit.

BIWI · 20/07/2019 21:49

I’m on the receiving end of a lot of middle aged women’s attitudes

Way to go with the ageist stuff Hmm

Do you know, I've read your thread from the start, when you started it. I haven't commented because I don't really have any constructive advice, not having been in your situation.

I have, though, been quite shocked by the attitude you've demonstrated here - one of entitlement as well as your ignorance about how things might work. You clearly think you're above council housing, despite the fact that you haven't got the means to afford anything better.

You are shockingly ignorant about how welfare actually works. But despite - it would seem - having family and a partner - assume that the state will lovingly step in to provide for you and your child.

Forgive me. I am, in fact, middle aged. But I still think you are shockingly entitled and massively ignorant about what it's actually like to be homeless. Grow up.

NoSquirrels · 20/07/2019 21:50

I get the feeling I’m on the receiving end of a lot of middle aged women’s attitudes

You’re being deliberately inflammatory now, huh?

Not “women who’ve seen bad situations escalate”? Just “middle-aged women”?

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