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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 2 night sleepover is too much?

30 replies

teenageyears · 19/07/2019 16:28

14 yr old dd wants to stay another night at her pals. its the holidays and shes having fun, but am not sure. and dont want to set a precedence or shell be there all the time. mind you nothing going on here. bored ds on x box and grumpy husband due in soon. Grumpy husband says fri night is pizza and family film night and looks forward to it so guess i should get her. guess actually the question is how can i have more fun?! i want to be at a mates mucking about with music and make up. not making sodding pizza and forever cleaning. is that unreasonable?!

OP posts:
PSILoveWine · 19/07/2019 16:35

Aww she's 14 she'll be wanting to stay with her friend.
I would let her stay another night.

LoudBatPerson · 19/07/2019 16:40

At 14, I think I would let her stay another night, provided I knew for sure that the friend's parents didn't feel put out and I would make sure we hosted some sleepovers at our house two (knowing how loud and messy teenage girls can be!).

I think she is getting to the age where certain "traditions" start to change. It doesn't mean they get lost totally, but might be a couple of times a month instead of every week, as you DD develops more outside interests.

BlackBirdInMyGarden · 19/07/2019 16:40

Does your husband want her to come home then? Is he also going to expect her to sit and join in family night with good grace? 'Cause I suspect he'd be disappointed!

I'd let her stay.

73Sunglasslover · 19/07/2019 16:41

At 14 I'd let her stay for 2 nights if I trusted the family she was with. I don't think it's fair to get her back to entertain you! Maybe you should invite a friend over yourself for pizza and film. Most people would like that sort of invite!

AndWhatNext · 19/07/2019 16:43

Invite the friend to sleepover at yours and have 🍕 night

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/07/2019 16:47

As long as the friends family are happy to have her another night (i'd call and check)- i dont see any harm.
Your husband may want to start getting used to these family traditions changing as kids become teenagers.

mcmen71 · 19/07/2019 16:49

Do you know the parents say you need to ring them to check it is ok with them .
Or ask her friend to your movie night.

BlueMerchant · 19/07/2019 16:50

I'd probably let her stay as it's the holidays but pre-warn your grumpy DH that you will likely be expected to return the two- night sleepover at some point during the hols.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 19/07/2019 16:51

A 2 night sleepover is absolutely fine!

Proseccoinamug · 19/07/2019 16:59

She’s 14! My ten year old has had two night sleepovers! Why would you make her come home when there’s nothing special planned? Can’t you have pizza and film tomorrow?

optimisticpessimist01 · 19/07/2019 17:02

Let her stay the night!! She'll be upset and disappointed if you don't let her and your family night will be ruined anyway

Let her have fun with her friends

Ithinkmycatisevil · 19/07/2019 17:03

I’d let her stay so long as I could trust that the other parents didn’t mind.

She’s 14, I doubt she’ll enjoy pizza with her dad more than being with her friend and she may just end up ruining the evening for everyone.

Original poster
teenageyears · 19/07/2019 17:10

thanks ladies! the BEST news is grumpy husband is Going Out! hurrah! so teenage d can stay another night (ill check w the mum) and I can hang out on my own/with ds and do whatever 12 yr old boys do if they are prized off the computer where hes been for the last 3 hours. was a bit concerend as last time gh had planned to take us all out and to the pictures and the kids had made other plans, and he got a bit cross.
all my chums seem to be away having fabulous holidays. DEFINITELY arranging a night out soon :)

OP posts:
mcmen71 · 19/07/2019 17:35

So your dh(grumpy) is allow to change family night when he wants to go out. I would make a note of that for the next time any of you change it and he gets grumpy.
Teenagers love to hang out with their friends more than with parents but I would just check it's ok with parents before I agreed. Enjoy your peace.

Proseccoinamug · 19/07/2019 18:17

You must prioritise your children and not pander to your dh’s moods

Original poster
teenageyears · 19/07/2019 18:48

thanks mc men!not actually sure what to do with myself!

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 18:59

I used to stay with friends for a couple of nights at a time. It was great.

Original poster
teenageyears · 19/07/2019 18:59

thanks proseccoinamug(great name). I do find it tricky prioritising children but making sure dh not grumpy. very hard to create family fun (dreadful term!) when dh depressed. i guess its up to him. just bloody gloomy round here.
not to worry! wine open, pizza on, crisps being stuffed into gob, bliss! wonder if theres a 'fri night out on mumsnet' group?! :)

OP posts:
Candyfloff · 19/07/2019 19:07

Husband sounds awful.
His way or no way? No.

Don't pander to his moods anymore OP. The children come first - they're not babies anymore and will be much less inclined to stay in on a Friday with their parents as time goes on.

Might need to start explaining that to your husband now (in case he expects them to be cancelling nights out every Friday when they're 16,17,18...)

Teacakeandalatte · 19/07/2019 19:11

LTB

Original poster
teenageyears · 19/07/2019 19:26

thanks guys! nice to be hanging out with you!
hercule,it IS fun, youre right. susch a hame have to grow up and have husbands!
candyloff and teacake, you may have a point! not at all sure i can take too many nights of dh watching news while the kids are in bedrooms or out having fun. how do i get it all a bit livelier? or what do other people do for fun of an evening? the friend shes with tonight seems to have a houseful of pets and sisters and friends and it sounds lovely. have to say its a bit dull here.

OP posts:
avocadoincident · 19/07/2019 19:44

Pick your battles. Let her have this one.

Original poster
teenageyears · 19/07/2019 20:14

thanks avo. its not really a battle - im all for them having adventures. id like a few myself, and used to travel etc. dh doesnt want to fly/go anywhere. its almost like he doesnt want anyone else to have a laugh either, tho am sure im being unfair.
oh oh! going to start complaining about dh! sorry!

OP posts:
BlueMerchant · 19/07/2019 21:17

Don't want to put a downer on your evening I'm just curious what happens when your DD wants to invite pals for sleepovers?
What does DH think of it?

aggh · 20/07/2019 09:26

hes ok, as long as they are not too noisy and its weekends (obvs).
now hes back and wants a 'special cuddle' need an excuse, quick! :)