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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this an alcohol problem?

38 replies

LetMeGoNo · 19/07/2019 14:25

Or am I way over thinking it?

If I'm at home and I'm tipsy from a couple of gins then I'm desperate to have another. It's like a very strong urge. I usually won't, though, as I'm with DH.

If I open a bottle, I will finish it. So now I don't buy bottles of wine.

I've been out socialising maybe only three times this past 18 months and each time I've got so embarrassingly past the point of being drunk I barely remember the night as a result. Last time I woke up with blood everywhere and had hurt my leg but I don't remember how.

If I'm out-out, I don't get the sense I've had 'enough' and should stop. I keep drinking. I say to myself that I'll stop after two but I don't.

Is this normal?

OP posts:
candycane222 · 19/07/2019 14:30

It's not unusual - but not good, I would say. Not being able to control how much you drink is a problem. Sadly not an unusual problem.

It sounds how I used to drink when I was younger. I till have to be careful now tbh. I very very rarely get drunk (haven't for many years in fact) but I too find it hard to control my intake once I have started.

A lot of alcohol problems in my closer relatives, so it is a bit of an ongoing source of anxiety for me; you have my sympathy. And I'm not sure what my advice is beyond 'you have to try to get a grip on this somehow'.

WTFthatsweird · 19/07/2019 14:35

That's really common.

Alcohol lowers your rational way of thinking and your judgement so you think it's a great idea to have more.
When you're sober you know it's a bad idea to have more but you're not sober, you've had a couple and the idea of a couple more sounds great! It's not though.

I'm the same. I have to really keep a check on myself to not go overboard and I find it difficult.

lifebegins50 · 19/07/2019 14:41

What is your consumption on a usual week?

I would say that getting so drunk that you have hurt yourself is worrying. I think as we get older alcohol has a stronger impact on us so there is no longer a tipping point but straight off a cliff. The only way to control it is to limit your intake, literally bypass other other round and drink soft drinks inbetween.
Have you had any check ups with GP, Blood test to check liver function? if not worth doing.

Titsywoo · 19/07/2019 14:43

Read the Jason Vale book "Kick the Drink" it really helps you understand why this mindset kicks in. I don't do all the mad juicing crap he does (I think he suggests it at the end of the book) but the majority of the book is very interesting.

Bluntness100 · 19/07/2019 14:46

No I don't think it is very common unless you're a teenager on freshers week,

Most of us have drunk to excess, but not every time and not to the stage we pass out and hurt ourselves,

So no I don't think it's normal.

Piffle11 · 19/07/2019 14:48

I'm the same. I can't buy wine anymore, as it's as though it's calling me … and once the bottle is open, I HAVE to finish it, it's like I have a compulsion not to leave it. If I do end up leaving some in the bottle, I have to drink it the next day, and as I then want another, I open another bottle and it all starts again. We rarely socialise, but last time we did I was massively embarrassing and I still cringe about my alcohol induced behaviour. I did dry January - amazed I managed it - and felt and looked so much better that I continued it into February. I totted up how many actual units I was getting through in an average week - I'd naively told myself around 20 (still too many, I know), but was horrified to find out it was nearer 60. My DH doesn't drink much, so it's not as though I'm seeing him have a drink and want to join in. I'm happier and nicer when not drinking - I look better, too! It's going to be a constant battle for me, but I have to do it. I reckon it would be a slippery slope if I started having the 'odd' glass of wine.

WTFthatsweird · 19/07/2019 14:50

I didn't say it was normal.
I said it was common.

Bambamber · 19/07/2019 14:51

It may be normalised by some, but it's not normal.

It's dangerous, you've already hurt yourself once without knowing how, next time it could be worse

Bluntness100 · 19/07/2019 14:53

I didn't say it was normal. I said it was common

The op asked if it was normal.

But no I don't think it's common to be unable to control youtself with alcohol and drink to thr stage you pass out and don't know you've hurt yourself. As said, unless you're a teen on freshers week.

Duchessgummybuns · 19/07/2019 14:55

I’m the same. If you’re blacking out and hurting yourself it’s not a good sign. You don’t need to be dependent to have an alcohol problem. Cutting down wouldn’t have solved it for me so now I’m 8 months sober and honestly my life is so much better for it.

WTFthatsweird · 19/07/2019 14:55

Really?

Only freshers do that? So no adults in pubs do that? You would consider that rare?

Come on now.... don't be silly.

Bluntness100 · 19/07/2019 14:57

Gosh, I'm not sure what's happening here, but no one said no adults do it.

What was said it was not common. That's not the same as saying no adults do it.

It is common in teens at freshers week though.

What's your issue here, why are you being so angry?

saavi · 19/07/2019 14:57

Not normal.

saavi · 19/07/2019 14:57

Concerned for those who think this is the norm

Tallgreenbottle · 19/07/2019 14:58

Not very common unless you're a bit of a muppet or have a problem tbh. If you can't stop doing it then you have a problem.

Tallgreenbottle · 19/07/2019 14:59

And deffo not 'normal'. If this is anyone's normal then they have issues ffs.

Wildorchidz · 19/07/2019 15:00

It’s not normal to me.
If you can’t stop drinking and end up passed out then that is a problem

WTFthatsweird · 19/07/2019 15:03

I didn't say you made me angry? Confused

I've worked and frequented a lot of pubs.
And people drinking beyond an ok amount is a common occurrence in pubs. Every night of the week.
It isn't just freshers. It may not be a common occurrence for you but alcohol is a bitch for stealing people's rational thinking and people do drink more than they intended. It's the nature of the beast.

To say it's uncommon, or that only freshers drink more than they intended is just silly.

BackforGood · 19/07/2019 15:15

Anyhow.... back to the OP......

I would say, yes, you have a problem with alcohol.
Unless you are a teenager in your first month or two of being able to drink, then you have a problem if you can't have a drink or two and then stop, yes.

Bluntness100 · 19/07/2019 15:15

Sigh, no one said only freshers did it, honestly feel like I'm giving English lessons.

What was said. Again. For clarity was

It's not normal
It's not common
It's common with teens on freshers.

This does not mean. No adults do it. Or only teens on freshers do it. This is not what those statements mean. I am unsure how to make it any clearer to you.

And no one is saying drinking to excess isn't common. Again that's not what's been said.

What's being said is drinking to excess everytime you drink, to thr stage you are passed out and hurt is not common or normal with adults.

If you cannot understand what's being said, please ask for clarification on here, or ask a friend to help you before posting.

MauritiusNext · 19/07/2019 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

littlemeitslyn · 19/07/2019 15:58

You have a problem, get help ( I did )

heath48 · 19/07/2019 16:05

Yes you have a problem.

I am an Alcoholic,over 16 years sober in AA,the rooms are full of people who drank like you,then it got worse over time,sometimes it takes years.

If you can’t stop drinking once you start, that is a big red flag.

If you are unsure,try having one drink then stop,try it more than once,should give you an idea that you have a problem.

Deadposhtory · 19/07/2019 16:06

I have addiction issues, one of the pointers is if you hurt yourself or have a compulsion to want more. So yes, I would say that you have a problem

Chocolatefrog27 · 19/07/2019 16:17

Op you will find a lot of judgement surrounding alcohol topics on here. I once posted for tips on cutting back and within a few posts I was called an alcoholic. When I tried to explain how I wasn't dependent and why I was told I was in denial and needed therapy. Honestly it's ridiculous.

The drinking you describe does sound pretty common to me. I would say that having a bottle of wine once in a while at home is a total non issue. Getting leathered while you're out is a different story though. At best it'll leave you with a hangover, beer fear and wasted day. At worst it can be really dangerous. I stopped binge drinking on nights out after I had a few of 'those' nights. I'd make a show of myself, argue with dp, just be a general idiot and then spend the next few days hating myself. It's not worth it. So now I moderate my drinking when I'm out with soft drinks and keeping track of what I've had rather than pouring it down my neck and getting carried away.

A bottle of wine at home is pretty normal once or twice a week though. I enjoy the feeling and while it might be above the recommended allowance, it's my choice and I definitely don't have a problem.

Judge your situation by your own feelings. If you start feeling dependent on alcohol or it begins interfering with your daily life and relationships in negative ways then you probably need to address it.

But please don't let sanctimonious people on here make you feel bad just because they have a different attitude to drinking.