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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to ghost my boyfriend?

75 replies

madeahugemistake · 19/07/2019 13:18

In a fairly newish relationship. Been very up and down, we both have issues but mainly it's me.

I broke up with him three weeks ago saying how I need to concentrate on myself, he gracefully accepted this. I then went batshit crazy on him for three weeks, saying I'd made a mistake, I love him, begging for another chance. He refused to meet me for the three weeks and hardly text. He then eventually agreed to meet a couple nights ago.

He gave me another chance, we talked it out and he asked me to stay. What was meant to be a quick meeting ended up with me being there for 14 hours.

I left, I was happy for a few hours, we text and the texts still seemed a bit awkward even though it was back to normal in person.

Now I've decided I don't want to be with him again. I know how utterly fucked that seems. But the sex is shit, he never takes me out, he points out my flaws. I just feel suddenly so over it and I'm not sure, it was as if the three weeks away from him I put him on a pedestal and then when I finally seen him I just noticed all the things I wasn't happy.

I don't feel like I can text him again and break up so soon as I think he would be fuming that I'm doing it again. And I can't deal with the back and forth of it all.

I left something at his house that I'm meant to collect tonight but I really don't want to see him. It's nothing that can't be replaced.

My question is would I be wrong to just ghost him? I know that sounds awful but I don't think I can face it. I am 100 percent sure I don't want to be with this guy.

OP posts:

LoveMyNewHome · 19/07/2019 23:17

Completely batshit! Get some help please!

12InchPianist · 19/07/2019 23:18

Just be an adult: meet up, break up, collect your belongings, and never initiate contact again. You've behaved shambolically so far and you are effectively punishing him for your own indecisiveness.

Ghosting him is very selfish, especially considering your own behaviour to date.

Ultimately having a clean break up will be easier as there will be a clear end to the relationship and you both will know where you stand. With ghosting the poor sod might be texting you for weeks or months trying to continue the relationship.

Boredbd · 19/07/2019 23:18

Break up with him, he deserves better, chances are he doesn’t want to be with you either

Sparklesocks · 19/07/2019 23:20

It would be much kinder to just send him a message saying you’re not feeling it, it isn’t working etc - respectfully and kindly.

As you’ve already messed him about, dumping him and then begged him to come back. The very least you can do is show him some courtesy. After all the back and forth you’ve put him through, ghosting would be the cherry on top. Just be a grown up and end it like an adult, you’re not a teenager.

donquixotedelamancha · 19/07/2019 23:32

My question is would I be wrong to just ghost him?

Yes. Grow the fuck up.

You are not going to get better at relationships by acting like a child. You need to learn to do this the right way for you- never mind him. The next relationship you form will only be better if you face, and learn from, your mistakes in this one.

ysmaem · 19/07/2019 23:37

I think you need to put on your big girl pants and just tell him to his face, explain that you dont want to continue with the relationship rather than being a dick and just ghosting him. And for the same of this poor bloke please do him a favour and stay out of his life. I think you need to spend some time on yourself and dealing with personal issues for a while

Mythreefavouritethings · 19/07/2019 23:42

This guy doesn’t yet know it but he’s about to have the escape of a lifetime. We can all make mistakes but really, get some class and don’t mess people around.

Tillygetsit · 19/07/2019 23:55

Grow a bloody backbone and talk to the poor bloke.

Ellisandra · 19/07/2019 23:56

@homeishere

TanMateix · 20/07/2019 00:03

Just put him in the back burner for a week and then talk to him to end it. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t seem convinced that he needs to go out of his way to keep you happy, I am pretty sure that, given your behaviour, if you keep your distances a bit, he won’t go and chase you.

Yeahnahmum · 20/07/2019 00:13

This guy dodged a bullet....

HiJenny35 · 20/07/2019 00:53

You've said you have issues, I don't think ghosting him would be very nice as it doesn't seem he's done much wrong. Maybe a text just to say "I'm really sorry because I know I've messed you around but I really just can't face a relationship, my head is all over the place. I really just need some time alone." And then block him if you want so you don't have to enter into a conversation. No need to ghost.

Redglitter · 20/07/2019 01:02

Ghosting is a fucking horrible thing to do to anyone. You've messed this poor guy around enough do the decent thing & tell him properly

fargo123 · 20/07/2019 01:55

You'd be doing this guy a favour by disappearing from his life forever.

Lemonlady22 · 20/07/2019 02:44

poor blokes probably feeling the same, but is shit scared you will go batshit again!

OwlBeThere · 20/07/2019 02:52

Please don’t do that OP. Consider how you’d feel if someone did it to you. It’s a really awful way to treat someone. Just be honest.

15YemenRoad · 20/07/2019 03:17

You actually are awful and sound seriously unhinged.

I hope he's thinking right now that he's better without your abuse and tells you to do one.

Although considering how manipulative you sound he probably won't, so do one decent thing, tell him it's over and stay away from him. Block and delete his number and learn to treat others with decency.

Here's hoping he finds someone worthwhile.

1forAll74 · 20/07/2019 03:33

You don't know what you want,and do sound like hard work.and not very grown up yet.. And what's with all this texting that people do all the time these days? it all sounds quite manic to me.

Seahorseshoe · 20/07/2019 03:54

A new relationship is best at the beginning. You really shouldn't be thinking long term with all the problems you two have. I'd call it a day for both your sakes. You don't want to be with a bloke who is pointing out your flaws - at all, let alone in a new relationship.

Time to move on, he will not make you happy.

Good luck - you deserve better 💐

Yousicktwistedfruit · 20/07/2019 04:28

Wow you sound like such a nice decent person op just be honest and tell the poor fella the truth and stop fucking with his head that just makes you look really childish and pathetic and I can guarantee that he can do a dam sight better than immature fuck wit like you.

Emi1e · 20/07/2019 06:12

"There's no good men out there" - women.

What has that got to do with the price of fish @SimonArch1983 ??

SimonArch1983 · 20/07/2019 06:24

This is probably why there are no good men out there, they have been burnt by women like this!

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 20/07/2019 06:28

Obviously don't ghost him, own your decisions! Try and be at least vaguely decent!

Another one wondering about the mood swings though, they don't sound normal. Are you having problems with your mental health at all? Have you spoken to GP?

Emi1e · 20/07/2019 06:32

This is probably why there are no good men out there, they have been burnt by women like this!

I disagree with the premise @SimonArch1983. Who says that there aren't any good men out there? Who says that bad men started off good but were created by women treating them badly? Your comment makes absolutely no sense.

cantfindname · 20/07/2019 06:44

Try imagining how you would feel.

You really need to grow up a bit and act with some degree of maturity.

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