To move DC school against their wishes?

[Yellowaterbottle]

I really don't know what to do for the best - would so appreciate any thoughts.

We are moving to another town - 30 minutes drive (on a good day) from our old town. So that DC can have friends in new town, go to secondary with them etc we have applied for them to go to a very good primary there, starting in years 5 and 2.

We went to look around earlier this week and all seemed to go well. But elder DC is adamantly against changing schools - they have SEN, hate change, find it hard to make new friends, and have had problems with school refusal in the past (but now is happy-ish at current school). Younger DC is keen to make the change, and while we could in theory do the commute every day we feel that changing is probably the best thing for the long term, so they can be independent, walk to school etc. New school also has smaller classes and good SEN support, it seems.

So: AIBU to move change schools, when elder DC hates the idea? We have made it clear it is our decision, but it's heartbreaking to see DC so upset about it :(

I would move as well ....its hard but better for dc1 to at least knwo more poeple he's moving up with ... the new school sounds better...
that extra commute time for them will be tiring and its not like he loves where he is now...

a friend in teh same position left her dc because even though new school looked better her dd absolutely loved her school and really hated change..... she really regrets it....esp as towards the ends of term as they are more and more knackered.. its rarely as good a commute as hoped so have to leave earlier as dd gets stressed over being late...etc etc... and then some of her favourite teachers left and the dc started getting (esp teh girls) more tweeny - in yr5 she started having an absolute crap time....and didnt want to go!

Many thanks all, this has been such a helpful thread for me.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils we have tried the commute and it’s been good days every time! But we have heard anecdotally that it can be an hour plus if there are problems on the roads

@springtime12 I am starting to think the same and I think eldest may even be starting to come around, fingers crossed very tightly...

@averythinline that story is such a good cautionary tale for me right now, thank you! This is exactly what I fear would happen, if not next year then defo in year 6 when Sats come around - and then they’ll be the commute on top... Hope things are going ok for your friend and her DD now.

Move them.

I moved both of mine due to logistics when I would have preferred to leave one where they were for at least a year. First year wasn’t easy but don’t regret it at all. Both have additional needs.

Kids can only see what they know, so they have a load of unknowns and all the things they know they won’t have.

Unless completely unavoidable, Year 5 is too late to move them imo.

We moved to a new area a couple of months ago. Ds2 is going into Year 5 in September. He’d be horrified at the thought of moving schools.

He’s a very active part of the school community, very sporty, into drama, just generally a joiner-inner. There are things that only Y5 and Y6 do that he’s been looking forward to for literally years. A new yard. More freedom. Being a playground helper. Cricket club. The Y5 residential trip. Getting speaking parts in the Xmas play. Loads more.

Yes all of those (or similar) would be available at other schools but it’s these specific things he’s been looking forward to doing with his friends and he’d be devastated to lose the opportunity.

Most people seem to be of the opinion that it’s better to move Primary and make new friends who you ‘move up’ to comp with. I disagree. Comp is a complete unknown to them all...there’s not really any expectations and everyone is a bit lost/finding their feet no matter who you know. Primary classes are split and scattered into various forms or sets anyway...no guarantee you’ll even see the people you know much.

To me, this seems like an easier transition to do alone than in Primary when it’s a certainty that everyone knows everyone and everything in the new place.

Should also add ds1 is going into Y7 in new-area comp in Sept.

He’s done and enjoyed all the settling in and admin days this month and seems fairly unfazed. The school had about 10 dc starting on their own though and grouped these into their own little ‘class’ which I thought was a great idea.

We also started him in a couple of local clubs which helped as he recognised a handful of the local kids on the admin days.

Thank you @CaravanHero - good points and it is such a difficult choice. But as I have a younger DC I would likely have to split them up or move the younger in two years - in year 5, which will bring the same problems!

It definitely sounds like the right choice for your family as you have an older DC going into secondary next year... also sounds like your younger DS is v v happy and involved at his current school, which isn’t the case for my eldest. He is ‘happy-ish’ as I said but still regularly has issues or problems, and is in a huge loud class which he struggles with. So this tips the balance for us I think. But it is very hard and reading your post does make me think again!

I still think it's too far away :/

If it was to the next village, no bother. But 30 mins away is just a bit too far to make it worthwhile. Its more the fact that friends will be 30+ minutes away, so going round their house, going to parties, being in the same clubs etc just makes life difficult.

Yes I think I agree @0010001!

There are issues with parking near the current school too and only one of us drives atm which could be v problematic if someone’s ill etc. We’d still stay in touch with local friends but mainly at weekends I’d imagine.