To think that nrp who constantly lie to avoid paying any maintenance to their dc should be fined?

[Eustasiavye]

I am so fed up of this entire situation.
What human being, who was married to someone for over 20 years, who made their vows in a church and then broke them, then abandoned their dc causing serious long term harm does this.
The facts are:
He had an affair.
Left to go and live within walking distance with the ow and her dcs who were at the same school.
Small village, they were not discrete so everybody knew. Very embarrassing for my dcs.
Would not commit to having the dcs, ever.
Packed his job in to stop paying child maintenance.
Was taken to court over it, ordered to pay (now works). Paid sporadically.
Arrears to be taken directly from his salary.
Has told the only dc who will speak to him that he is going to pack in his job again soley to avoid paying.
Has informed the cms on three separate occasions that dc3 is not at college and that I am lying.
After having to prove 3 times that dc is at college, I came home from work yesterday to find YET ANOTHER LETTER telling me he claims dc3 is not at said college and I have 7 days to prove he is!!!!!
I personally believe telling all these bloody lies such inflict a fine and a prison sentence if he doesn't pay and continues lying.

The last time I reported him for non payment he responded by sending dc3 a vile text telling her all about the time I was raped .

He is a cunt.
Why is this legal.
And now he is no longer paying any maintenance.
Sorry , I needed to rant.

YANBU and if it went to a vote 100% would agree with you. There should be fines for repeatedly giving misinformation and I am not surprised you need to vent.

The thing is, if he kept maliciously reporting your for (let's say) benefit fraud or another criminal offence, I am sure you could have hom done for harassment or something similar

This should be allowed, it's not ok and in my opinion should a criminal offence.

Almost always non resident fathers. Appalling.

YANBU. He sounds like a horrible husk of a human being to treat his kids so cruelly, even leaving aside the maintenance non-payment. What luck that stupid woman took him off your hands before you wasted another 20 years on him.
I think there should be some sort of amendment made to parents NI numbers when a child is born, so that whenever they work or claim benefits of any kind it is flagged that they have parental obligations to support said child, and there is no wriggling out of it. I can’t understand why, in this day and age, it’s still possible for anyone to just decide to duck out of their responsibilities to their children.

Loopytiles I've only ever seen statistics for the US but you will find non resident mothers owe far more in unpaid maintenance than fathers.

Op I get you I’ve just come on here to respond to the MP wanting info on CMS but think I may have missed the deadline.

I too have a cunt of an x - used every opportunity to destroy me and the kids - financially & emotionally - my ds Googled how to kill yourself at school as a result of it all - X dismissed it as a school boy prank

It never stops - I am four years probably five - can’t remember my head is fucked from it all - since he left - 2 years since final hearing - and I’m still trying to battle the injustice - women’s aid press office want to speak to me as I have been shafted and let down by all professionals that have compounded the abuse - including CMS!

Next week would have been my 25 wedding anniversary - the fucker is off to Singapore with Ow - guess where I went for my honeymoon - coincidence - like fuck!

All I can say is Ow has no fucking idea - she’s wallowing in the glamour of it all!

Op your poor kids - I send them whatever I can hoping that one day they can put this sorry mess behind them

And to you too x

Disgraceful behaviour. My ex has informed me that he will now no longer work so that he doesn’t have to pay. He also doesn’t seem to want to see DS as he hasn’t sent his train fare for about 8 weeks and no longer calls or texts him. Vile human being. It’s not like DS has done anything to him.

@Eustasiavye here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/divorce_separation/3640724-MNHQ-here-Parliamentary-debate-on-the-Child-Maintenance-Service-an-MP-wants-to-know-your-views

add your story

Do you have evidence or a link for that statistic? It sounds unbelievable to me.

Could he not be reported for harassment owing to the constant false claims about your DC? Telling your DC about your rape experience is absolutely disgraceful too.

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this, I completely agree re the fines.

Jesus wept. YANBU

YANBU at all!
He sonds awful, and I can't imagine what you must have all dealt with over the years since he left. (Though I second the pp who said to be glad you didn't waste more time on him).

On a depressing side note - I googled to see if singletomingle's post was true. (It does appear to be, sadly, though it suggests there are wider socio-economic factors at play). However, what caught my attention were the "related search" listings at the bottom of the page:

• how to avoid paying child maintenance UK
• how to reduce child maintenance payments
• exemptions from paying child support
• child maintenance law
• child maintenance loopholes
• child maintenance options
• how to stop paying child support when child turns 18 UK
• pip and child maintenance

I really think that child maintenance should be treated as a debt. You incur a set basic cost, and it's up to you to figure out how to pay it. Nothing else goes away if you dont earn enough - rent, council tax, groceries, bills. And the child's costs certainly don't decrease. So why should the NRP be able to exempt themselves from this, while leaving the costs to the RP and the state?

Not sure where I saw the original link but found this 1
www.npr.org/2015/03/01/389945311/who-fails-to-pay-child-support-moms-at-a-higher-rate-than-dads

Jesus wept.

It doesn’t surprise me though. An ex-friend of my ex-husband, once he found out we were separating took him out for a beer ostensibly to “offer support”. Turns out he was giving him a lesson in “how to fuck up the ex-wife” and not pay maintenance.

My ex was absolutely disgusted and hasn’t spoken to him since.

Singletomingle you can’t compare. There are a heck of a lot less non resident mothers than fathers. Therefore that small group is going to be at a more extreme end of personality type.

I know one absent dad who avoided paying for his child for the full length of the child hood. He was totally absent too.
He reappeared when child was over 18. He has spun lies that he did pay CSA to the child despite proof to the contrary. CM have stated the total amount owed by this man.

He has spent his whole life avoiding paying anything to anyone for any reason at all. He lies about everything. AC has believed his lies even though they are disproved.
Such a person would avoid any fine too. Jailing them would be providing them with an easy life. Hard labour would be a possible consequence if the slippery types can be located.

I believe the stats show that in the region of 88% single parent households are headed by women.

I don't know if this is a thing here (I didn't grow up in the UK so this applies to a different country), but my dad was meant to pay maintenance (court-ordered). He didn't. Actually, he was a mean bastard and he threatened my mum that if she ever challenged it and tried to force him to pay (this was through their divorce settlement, a CMS like service didn't exist), he would fight her for 50-50 custody in court. She cared more about my safety and wellbeing than the money, though realistically I doubt he would have got it. But when he died, even though I was an adult, she was able to challenge the estate and give proof via letters and bank statements that he had never paid her a penny. She claimed about £30,000 from his estate. Obviously, it was long after she would have actually needed it to keep me fed and clothed, but it was one final little triumph over the greedy bastard. I hope that is a thing here.

What an absolute cunt from hell. Sorry I can’t say anything to make it better. Men like this disgust me. Completely and utterly disgusting. How his new wife sleeps with him knowing how he treats his children is beyond me, I would be repulsed.
A friend of mine is going through a nightmare with her ex at the moment. He has never paid maintenance, and as soon as she started to take action and push for it, he’s gone on the offensive and is attempting to prove her as an unfit mother and go for full custody. He’ll stop, he says, if she agrees to stop perusing maintenance. Luckily he says all of his shit over email, so if it ever gets in front of a judge at least she’ll be able to prove how spiteful he is and what his motives are. He doesn’t give a shit about the kid and never has done, it’s all just a psychological power game of who will back down first. Another complete and utter bastard. They should be branded, right on the forehead so that we all know who they are.

100% agree.
I wasnt with my ex anywhere near as long, but I broke up with him because he was not interested in being a parent. When DD was a baby he was not interested in her at all.
He spent five years making my life hell. He refused to pay child support I got it for a few months to the same tune as benefits whilst he was working. CSA got hold of him, he quit his job.
He was getting £5 deducted from his benefits. He moved so they couldn't get money off him.
He disappeared soon after.
I know that he tells his friends he doesnt have children. I know he claims on the sick and works cash in hand and has only paid £170 towards my daughters upbringing and she is almost 12.

He is a really shit excuse of a man, and human being. It got to a point where I realised that he was never going to be anything positive for her, and I have to live with knowing that if I got him to pay child support, he would continue to make my life hell (he called SS on me repeatedly with tall tales, he called the school and the nursery to make up lies about me, he told the benefits agencies that our daughter lived with him, and not me. He forged a letter from me to the council stating DD was going to live with him so he needed a bigger property)
I moved me and DDs life on. And we dont need his pittance of CSA. When she grows up, and he crawls back out of the woodwork, he will absolutely have to face the truth that DD has had a lovely life, and he has absolutely no claim on ensuring she is clothed,fed, has a roof over her head, or any of the nice things that she enjoys...she knows where all of our money comes from. Me and DH working hard.

The extra £5 or so he keeps a week isnt worth the shame of that.

In Denmark if the nrp doesnt pay then it is taken from their wages or benefits. If they are unable to pay then the state pays for them and their tax bill goes up to compensate.

The CMS is entirely flawed. I had the same thing - constant changes of circumstances to delay deduction of earnings. Everyone found out to be not true. In the 18 months he continued this til they finally put it in place at which time he went on the sick and is now 'self employed' meaning he can say he earns whatever he likes. All the threats of punishment are just that, threats. No one has ever had their passports and driving license removed or gone to jail like they claim as far as I know. It's ridiculously easy to evade for those who wish

... obviously nothing is more flawed than the men who get pleasure in inflicting financial abuse on their dc and ex partner. It's not the CMS fault, my post sounded like that's what I was implying I think but they certainly enable it

I often wonder whether children should be able to sue NRP for unpaid maintenance once they turn 18?

Their passports and driving licenses should be removed for failure to pay . Child support should be treated like a bill . Opting out of working shouldn’t be an option.
And the one who went to Singapore with his ow you had a lucky escape . Prick !