AIBU to cancel DD birthday celebrations

[Shezza71]

Backstory: myself, Dh, dd1 is 21, dd2 is 19 on Saturday, and our 3yo rescue dog.
We've had dog nearly 2 years, at the time dh had a job that meant he was at home around lunchtime, so dog was company and motivation to exercise for him. Last year was made redundant and new job is long hours.
But between us all, both dds have varying shift patterns and 2 days off midweek, and dd1 boyfriend, and a dog walker if needed, we can manage walks in the day, I generally do evening walk.
However dd1 never gives her a decent walk, 10 minutes round the block at best, and often late in the day. She promises time and again that she'll get up and take her to one of the many local parks or green area for at least an hour but never does.
Example: today she is off, complained about having to be awake to let the cleaners in at 8.30 on her day off, she has the next 4 days off. Took her round the block this morning saying she was going to take her out for a good walk later. 5.00 o'clock and she still hasn't gone out! She did the same on Tuesday when she didn't have to be at work until 5.00, said she forgot I had asked her and got her friend to come round and take her. I've already told her if she won't walk her I'll need the dog walker and extra day and I'll be putting up her housekeeping to cover the extra cost.
But she's let me down again, Saturday is her birthday, she wants to have a family meal, 7 people, at the restaurant where she works, she gets discount but it will still be quite expensive, she then is planning to go out in the evening and wants to pre drink at home with friends. AIBU in saying no to both the meal and drinks at home, because I feel really pissed of at the moment.
Apologies for long ranty post.

Depends on who wanted the dog in the first place .

Yabu, that's a disproportionate response. Put her rent up and get a dog walker.

It isn't her dog. Your choice to have one, surely.

I agree with pp. If she nattered for a dog she needs to help take care of it. Did she want to have a dog?

Depends who wanted the dog and whether she pays to live there. If she pays a reasonable amount to live with you I don’t think she should be forced to walk dog. If she’s costing you money then she should walk dog.

Unlikely at 17.

I wouldn’t cancel the birthday but I would be reconsidering the dog walk routine. I can’t believe she got a friend in to walk the dog! My older sister never walked our dog. My mum did the morning walk and me and my other sister did alternate afternoons and I did the nighttime. No idea how my sister got away with it!
If you can’t rely on her get the dog walker in and charge her for it.

Dogs are family pets. If she lives at home than pet care is part of the deal.

Don’t cancel her birthday celebration but ask her what she thinks is fair to the dog and to take the dog out each day she’s at home.

Seems seriously OTT.

I think birthday celebrations should not be used as a tool to teach someone a lesson. Also it's not her dog.

If you dh wanted the dog to keep him company while he worked from home. It's up to him to pay for a dog walker now his job hours have changed.
While it is rude dd didnt stick to the day she agreed to help, it's not her dog, it's dhs dog.
You seem to be angry at the wrong person

The birthday seems unrelated to the dog walking. Canceling is a bit cruel.

If her rent is low on the basis that she helps out with your dog, or if she asked for the dog in the first place, then yes put up the rent. Do it now, as she's already let you down twice. It can go down again if she proved herself able to reliably help out.

Yabu. It's her 19th birthday. It's not her fault other people situations have changed and now they can't walk the dog. Unless it's her dog, in which case she should walk it or pay to have it walked. Either way yabu about her birthday.

I think removing a Birthday celebration over a dog would be a little too far.

Set a rota and make sure that everyone signs and agrees it. However, as the adults who chose to have a dog in your home, you're ultimately responsible for it.

It’s your dog, not hers, and not everyone enjoys dogs or taking them for a walk. I don’t see why she should pay more rent to cover your dog. It’s also nasty that you would even consider cancelling a birthday thing for her, because she won’t walk the dog to your satisfaction

Did your DD pester you to get the dog? If not then YABU. It's not her responsibility.

Both DD had been desperate for a dog for years, I always had a dog when at home, DH opposed a dog for a long time as nervous around dogs after being bitten twice as a child. It was a family decision in the end and everyone promised to muck in.
Dd1 pays minimal housekeeping and half goes into an isa account for her future. She is generally lazy, cooks and doesn't clean up, rarely does her laundry, never changes her bed etc.
I guess iabu to cancel birthday plans, just feel really cross right now, but justified in increasing her contributions?

It isn't her dog. Your DH used to be available to walk his dog, he should pay for a walker.

I'd get some sort of rota written down but to be fair either of your DC could end up moving out.

We had a dog when I lived at home, I never walked it. I didn’t want it, I don’t like dogs, dogs I’m not used to scare me. If my parents wanted to charge me more house keeping for a dog they chose to buy, which I never wanted and didn’t like I would have gone mad. You bought the dog you look after it and pay for it, unless your dd got the dog and now won’t look after it the dog is you and your husbands responsibility.

Yeh, of course increasing her contributions is justified - she's creating extra costs.

Wanting to cancel her birthday was an emotional lashing out response. Not unreasonable to feel that way, but would have been if you acted on it.

I’m in the minority it seems. I think it’s irrelevant who wanted the dog, just as I’d think it was irrelevant if you chose carpet which then needs to be hoovered, or a house with a garden that needs mowing - if she’s 21 she should be contributing as an adult.

I’d be tempted not to cancel but to let her foot the bill for everything herself, if she won’t pull her weight at home. That sounds ridiculous for a 21 year old. Why are you covering most of her living costs, cleaning up after her and paying for treats if presumably most of her wages are disposable?

I wouldn't cancel her birthday celebrations, as they seem totally unconnected to any dog walking.
I would maybe increase her rent, and explain to her that this has partly been prompted by her refusal to contribute towards household tasks, which includes the dog. And, if you do her washing and ironing, I would have a rethink about this.

Punishments need to stated before the event, not randomly picked out after. So don't cancel.

However, she is acting like a child and you are treating her as one. I think you need to treat her as the adult she is. After her telling her things are going to change now she is 19. If she doesn't do her washing, it doesn't get done. If she doesn't change her bedding it doesn't get done - close her bedroom door and don't look. ISA contribution will go to dog walker the first time she doesn't fulfill her obligations. If she cooks and doesn't clean up, dirty dishes go in her room. If that doesn't work she's not allowed cook and will eat what she's given. All things that should have happened way earlier than 19. Stop enabling and then getting pissed off. Start training her for adulthood.