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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate breastfeeding?

36 replies

Fedupatforty · 18/07/2019 10:06

Just having a rant really. EBF DD till she was 15months. DS is 10 weeks now and am EBF. I hate it, hated it with DD too.
I hate how I always smell cheesy (oversupply with both) I hate how DH can’t do a share of it. I hate how DS squirms around and tugs my nipples (all normal according to lacatation consultant) I hate having to get my baps out in public. I hate that I have to wear nursing clothes. And now to top it all DS has started to teeth so it’s getting really uncomfortable.
Tried to give up with DD at 5 months as I’d had enough but she bottle refused and got really dehydrated so I had to continue.

I don’t have any problems with supply or establishing feeding etc which I know are a real source of worry for some people so am I BU and should I just be grateful that I can BF?

OP posts:
MingeOnFire · 18/07/2019 10:14

YANBU at all. Have you tried giving DS a bottle to see if he'll take it? If he will at least you have the option to stop of mixed feed.

WeAreAllAdults · 18/07/2019 10:18

YANBU. You feel how you feel and there's no shame in it. Others ability to breastfeed or not doesn't help your situation or mood. Personally I was unable to BF so I haven't been through any of what you're experiencing but, from just reading what you've described, it doesn't sound brilliant. We can't enjoy every moment life as a parent throws at us just because society expects us to be grateful for everything, good and bad Flowers

Readytogogogo · 18/07/2019 10:21

I definitely agree with introducing a bottle - I ebf both mine until weaning but gave them a bottle at least monthly so that they got used to it. That way you have options and will hopefully prevent another bottle refuser.

IDontDrinkTea · 18/07/2019 10:25

You’re not alone. I hate it too. My dd won’t take a bottle either so I’m stuck with it

MissingTheMissletoe · 18/07/2019 10:25

YANBU

I hate breastfeeding too. DS is around 19 months and still doing it, can’t get him to stop at all. He was exclusively breastfed too, refused a bottle when I tried to establish combined feeding, refused a dummy (which is good in the long run but it meant it was me he was attached to 24/7 instead. Couldn’t put him down cause the second he didn’t have my nipple in his mouth he’d wake screaming.)

He’s doing a bit better now thankfully but if I were to have any more I’d not choose to do it again. Though saying that, my first was exclusively breastfed and I enjoyed it with her. But she wasn’t a demanding baby in that department!

HiJenny35 · 18/07/2019 10:27

Yep fed both till over 2, never enjoyed it, never felt that magical bond people talk about however I was pleased I did it and felt that I'd given them the best start I could, but no I never enjoyed it.

AbbieLexie · 18/07/2019 10:30

Would donating your milk to a milk bank help you feel better about it?

Somersetlady · 18/07/2019 10:30

I get you It’s the hardest thing I've ever done and i hated the bleeding nipples for the first few weeks and the constant need to either feed or express.

You ANBU but it’s the most selfless thing you can do for your baby.

On my second i started expressing much early to avoid the nipple attachment about 8 weeks. Is this an option for you or something you would feel comfortable with as an option to allow you to miss some feeds?

Original poster
Fedupatforty · 18/07/2019 10:35

Thanks for your comments. Nice to know I’m not the only one. When I’ve gone to breastfeeding support groups there’s an assumption that if you’re struggling there’s a problem (latch, supply etc).
I got really stressed trying to get DD to unsuccessfully combination feed and the pumping, sterilising etc just added to stuff i had to do so haven’t bothered with DS.
I did suggest to DH maybe he could take a lead on introducing bottle this time, that was a month ago 😕 maybe I need to ‘suggest’ more strongly

OP posts:
RhodaDendron · 18/07/2019 10:52

Yanbu at all. Can you get out of the house for a few hours to give DH a chance to try?

My kids always waited like alligators for me to return, never took a bottle, but I felt a bit more human getting some alone time.

It’s got its advantages but it’s bloody tedious.

Somersetlady · 18/07/2019 12:13

Plan a time with your DH where you can leave the house and your DS can be tried on a bottle when you are out. Maybe just after he goes dow for a sleep so you get a few hours and when baby wakes he maybe content enough to feed without getting the scent of you?

TheDarkPassenger · 18/07/2019 12:42

I fed my first one fine but hated every moment. Every single moment. Didn’t bother trying with the second she got a bottle and that was that

CatteStreet · 18/07/2019 13:27

Not everyone enjoys bf. I did, quite (got a bit old by the time no. 3 was 3.5, having already bf no. 1 for 4.5 years and no. 2 for 3 years, so I used the aftermath of surgery which meant lifting her was off limits to change routine and eventually stop), but plenty of people do it for months/years and never enjoy it. It's still a great thing you're doing. If you have oversupply, expressing must be fairly easy (never was for me, sadly), so you could get a bit of a store in so your dh can give bottles now and again if possible (rather than trying to implement a mixed feeding regime as such, as that is quite stressful). have the odd big pumping session rather than doing it all the time so it doesn't get that 'regular extra chore' feel (I had to mixed feed my first for the first four weeks and the sheer hassle is one of the things that made me appreciate ebf so much thereafter). Perhaps wait another couple of weeks if you can so his development's that bit further (thinking in terms of likelihood of taking a bottle here).

I did still get out of the house for an hour or two at a time now and again from around 3 months, and mine didn't have bottles.

Are you sure he's teething? 10 weeks is really early. Gummy bites can hurt too

Rubbinghimsweetly2 · 18/07/2019 13:31

I hated it too. I couldn't stand the sensation of it.

Don't feel bad about it op.

bottomflannel · 18/07/2019 13:55

I totally hear you on the oversupply issue. I’m forever leaking and always reek of milk - I feel lovely and fresh for all of about 5 minutes after a shower and then 5-week-old DS2 wants a feed and we’re all milky again. Ditto the squirming/nipple tugging. YANBU in how you feel.

I’m actually the opposite in that I really enjoy (if that’s the right word) feeding - though never getting a break is hard. If you go down the bottle route and you wanted to use breast milk, I’ve found a Haakaa silicone milk collector a godsend for starting a freezer stash, especially with an oversupply. You simply suction it on the boob you’re not feeding on and it catches all the milk from the letdown that would otherwise just soak into a breast pad. I usually get a couple of ounces per feeding, which I bung into storage bags and freeze. Am probably telling you things you already know, but I’ve found it invaluable and so much less hassle than my pump.

Bobbiepin · 18/07/2019 14:02

I have legs that work but I take the lift to the 10th floor of my building. Should I feel bad because I could walk but I don't want to even though other people are in wheelchairs and can't walk?

YADNBU you've given up your body for 10 months of pregnancy (plus the previous pregnancy and BF) and you deserve a break. Even if that's combination feeding. If you don't want to express give formula but definitely get a bottle in early. Tell your DH how you're feeling too, after bf your first for so long he might not appreciate what a strain you are under and how much you need him to be involved with feeding.

Powerof4 · 18/07/2019 14:09

Yanbu. I hated it too, for the same reasons. Oh, and it hurt too. But, dd loved it and thankfully self weaned at 20 months

Original poster
Fedupatforty · 18/07/2019 14:11

@TheDarkPassenger naively I thought it might be different with no2. It isn’t. Well done you for making that decision!

@CatteStreet definitely teething- the bottom two have erupted, I know it’s really early. With DD by the time she started teething I was getting at least three hours between feeds to recover. No such luck this time.

OP posts:
ArtichokeAardvark · 18/07/2019 14:13

So stop. If you hate it, try giving a bottle instead. Stop being a martyr about it, you've done 10 weeks already which is more than a lot of women manage.

Original poster
Fedupatforty · 18/07/2019 14:16

@AbbieLexie funnily enough I did contact my nearest milk bank and had an email back saying they didn’t need any donors at the moment. Ironically they have an ‘oversupply’

Just tried a bottle - you’d think I was pouring acid into his mouth. 🙄

OP posts:
CatteStreet · 18/07/2019 15:05

Oh dear, OP - that is unfortunately early for the teething.

I do think they pick up on any frazzledness behind giving bottles (not criticising you at all for said frazzledness, it's inevitable) - may be another reason for your dh to do this bit (give him a push. Hope he's pulling his weight otherwise)

CatteStreet · 18/07/2019 15:05

(not meaning he won't be frazzled, but he will be less invested in it working first time iyswim)

BibbleBrain · 18/07/2019 16:45

Okay so I’m the same as you EBF DS1 For a year six months in with DS2 hate it for many of the reasons you do. We have a bottle hater too BUT we have got him taking bottles now which means I can at least leave the house.

Happy to share how we did it if it would help but it wasn’t easy.

You can find sympathetic BFing counsellors who will help with a bottle. I can recommend one if you happen to be London or SE based. Look into dMER and feeding aversion. If nothing else you realise that you’re not the only one that thinks this sucks! In all senses of the word.

I hope you manage to wean or mixed feed or whatever would help YANBU and this 5/6 month point I think is the pits. It’s the pinnacle of exhaustion and feels like there’s a very long way to go...

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 18/07/2019 16:52

DH needs to introduce the bottles, he'll smell your milk and find it much harder from you. Don't BF if you're hating it, 10 weeks is more than enough.

Bibijayne · 18/07/2019 17:15

I found nipple guards helped with oversupply (and nipple tugging) in the early days. Might be an option?

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