to think this woman doesn’t understand the meaning of the word bullying?

[ScaryBunnyPainting]

I was a member of a WhatsApp group for a group for friends (about 20 women), it was quite a useful little group. I didn’t get hugely involved but some of the information was helpful.
Two of the members who had a long standing friendship had a falling out and the group plunged into drama.

I heard from one of the parties involved that the behaviour of the other (the admin of the group) was atrocious but I refused to indulge in gossip. I muted the group and checked in every now and then.

As time went by I got to hear more about the terrible behaviour of the group admin and found her behaviour so distressing I simply removed myself from the group as I wanted no part of it.

I got a text from the admin asking why I had removed myself from the group and I plainly replied “I have enough stress in my life, I don’t want to be involved in drama” and then distanced myself from everyone involved.

Now the admin is telling everyone that I’m an awful bully and my leaving the group is “targeted harassment”. I went into a local independent gift shop yesterday and the owner said “oh I hear you’re involved in the group name drama, huh?”

I’m the least likely person to ever get involved in drama like this and now I’m having my name dragged through the mud locally and the group admin has told people she is thinking of reporting me to my professional body. I know the reporting thing is ridiculous and they’d laugh her out of there but I’m mighty pissed off at being gossiped about and being labelled a bully.

How would you deal with this? I thought I had dealt with it quite well up until now.
I feel like a 12 year old bewildered at the needless drama of the girls in the school year above.

Sorry I didn’t realise that was so long TLDR -
Was a member of a WhatsApp group. Some drama kicked off so I left the group because I want no involvement in anything like that.
Apparently this is bullying and now I’m being gossiped about and am under threat of being reported to my professional body.

I would send the nutter a firm letter before action setting out what you have said above and saying that if you are damaged professionally you will be seeking damages from her personally

If anyone brings it up just say ‘oh I left that group ages ago. People were being unkind and I didn’t want to be part of it so I left. Sorry to hear it’s still going on.’

How could you be reported to your professional body for leaving a WhatsApp group of random people? That doesn’t make any sense. Is there more to this?

If I was confident in my choices (and I would be as you’ve described it)I wouldn’t give a flying fuck what someone like the admin thought of me.
As for other people? If they’re true friends they’ll know she’s spouting a load of bollox and it wouldn’t affect me. If they believe it then that’s on them and no loss to me.

I don’t like everyone so I don’t expect everyone to like me.

I’m quite hard hearted about stuff like this though.

Is there more to this?

I think there is more in the falling out between the two friends than most of the group are aware.
Whilst I feel very sorry for the woman who has been badly treated by the admin (and she has been very poorly treated) I only know one side of the story.

I in no way got involved, commented or breathed in the direction of the drama. I just removed myself from the group when the drama escalated and when asked by the admin as to why I just said the group wasn’t what it was set up to be anymore and that I have enough stress in my life and don’t want anymore drama.

I have no idea how this has been extrapolated to any form of poor behaviour on my part.
My professional body deal with very serious issues and will laugh this out of the door before it reaches a desk but I just don’t need this utter bullshit.

Then her actions would be litigious and libellous wouldn't they? In which case you would need to take legal action.

Don't engage with it. 'Leave me alone' should be the approach.

I have had a similar situation and @Gatehouse77 has described the approach I took although I had to work bloody hard to keep myself from spiralling in to rationalising or looking for logic. There is absolutely no point in trying to argue with crazy. Stick to that first instinct you had to just extricate yourself and don't engage with the gossip.

Apparently this is bullying and now I’m being gossiped about and am under threat of being reported to my professional body.

Some people are batshit.

Haha now I want to join this group 😂

I would take this seriously and send her a recorded delivery letter as the above poster said

It sounds like if anyone knows both you and her personally then they’d have a fair idea of what has actually happened.

I wouldn’t worry about it. You’ll annoy her more by not reacting to her.

And I wouldn't ore-emotion it with a letter either. Let her make any moves she chooses. Do not engage. Only act if there is something to act against. It's most likely just hot air. Sit tight and try to put it in a box for now and concentrate on what's import to you. She likes drama and will thrive on your panic/anxiety which is exactly why she's doing it. IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. She just wants a reaction.

Pre-empt that should've read.

Nothing irks a drama llama more than a refusal to engage. It can be quite pleasant to retain your dignity and detatchment, even if you're really tempted to have a dvd of 'Heathers' delivered anonymously to DL.

This is a game and it can only continue if you play along. I have been in a similar situation and opted out. When asked about it I went for 'I wouldn't know, I'm not into all that - life's too short' and changed the subject.

The group eventually became DL and one trusted lieutenant. The rest of us ended up staying in touch in other ways.

This is the most bonkers thread I've read in a while! How someone can take offense and decide that another person leaving a group is bullying is batshit! I'm truly baffled OP, you have walked away and ceased contact and she is behaving in ways to continue contact (official complaint FFS!!)

So yes, you kind of called her out on the drama BS when explaining your reasons but that was it, you were gone from her life after that and she clearly cannot handle anyone calling her out for her BS. She sounds obsessed about how people perceive her and hates the thought that someone sees through her.

Sending a letter would just fuel the drama for what is ultimately a woman gossiping. Its all very dramatic and i would just leave it, and if people ask just say you removed yourself from the group because of the drama and was not involved in it.

We have a truly batshit NDN. She's a massive drama llama like this (and worse at times). Obviously, the other women on your WhatsApp must know that this woman is insane - hence the fall out. Like some of the other PPs have said, DON'T ENGAGE. It fuels the fire pouring jet fuel next to a candle - I cannot stress enough how much it really pisses them off :) I have had to teach my DP not to engage with the neighbouring lidders, but he gets so much more satisfaction out of it when she tries to start drama on the doorstep and gets absolutely nowhere.

This is a little ironic seeing as the admin woman sounds like a bully herself.

Oh my god, don’t send a letter before action or start throwing around accusations of libel. People on mumsnet make the most confident assertions about things like this without having the faintest idea what they are talking about.

A letter before action would be an enormous escalation of the drama, and would likely be nothing more than a red flag to a bull. Your best option is to completely ignore them. If they do report you to your professional body (which I think is unlikely) you can hold your head high saying you didn’t get involved and have nothing to do with it.

You can’t control what other people say behind your back, or what they think of you based on what they hear from others. You can only control your direct interactions with them. I know its tough to live with if people are saying things about you that aren’t true, but there’s little you can do about it, so it’s probably best to let it go.

I agree with others who have said don’t engage with the admin. If she escalates in some way (such as registering a complaint, which would be ridiculous), then respond. But otherwise, leave well alone.

If random people like the shopkeeper raise it with you, simply say that you’re not involved - you were a member of the group but you left it because you didn’t like what was happening there. Then change the subject and refuse to be drawn on detail.

The other members of the group, if they know you at all, are probably thinking, "That doesn't sound like ScaryBunnyPainting!" but are, like you, loath to add fuel to the flames by expressing that opinion - and DL mistakes their non-involvement for implicit support for her version of events.
On some level, she might be worrying that other members of the group will follow your example, so she is trying to show them what dire consequences follow when she is crossed!
If they follow your lead, she'll lose all the subjects in her little kingdom, like Weezol's group.
She must realise that escalating matters to involving your professional body runs a greater risk of exposing the real facts to general ridicule. If she doesn't, she'll get all the drama she craves, in spades.
Be careful what you wish for.........

I can see where people are coming from regards the letter and I’ll keep it in my arsenal for sure but for now I think ignoring her dramatics might be my best bet.

My professional body deal with life and death matters and whilst they are duty bound to investigate any complaint, this would get nowhere.

This is a little ironic seeing as the admin woman sounds like a bully herself

She truly is.