Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give up parenting at the weekend

35 replies

Thegracefuloctopus · 18/07/2019 07:19

Not every weekend and not everything!
Just this weekend and enough to get some rest in. I have tonsilitus. Im sweating with a temp, can hardly eat anything, throst covered in white spots, loosing voice etc. Yesterday i could feel myself falling asleep while driving which never happens (thankfully, came accross a drive thru costa) DS is 9 months and in the stand up sit down cry stage. He is teething and also poorly.
Last night i discovered the spots. DH couldnt give less of a shit. Told me it will pass in a few days and i need to get on with it. He is right, it will pass, but not without at least some rest.
For context, last month he had a cold but happened to be on steroids for a hives type rash that appeared all over his body. This illness took over our lives tor the best part of 2 weeks, despite the steroids taking away every issue with the cold other than the runny nose. I took him to out of hours, spoke to pharmasists for him, made him rest etc while doing everything in sight. He appears to have forgotten all of this.
He is very much of the opinion that we do equal.amounts on the weekends which i agree with to an extent but somehow still end up doing more and he still moans no end about everything he does but thats by the by.
So, wibu to say "please either take ds out (we are national trust members, as is his dad, feel free to do something with him) or have him in the house, dont care what but im off to bed to rest so i can actually go to work on monday"? Wont be there all day, but most times i do this there is a 45 minute limit and then we have to swap so he gets a lie down too... which defeats the point when im ill.

(This is kind of light hearted, but also semiserious!)

OP posts:
Karigan195 · 18/07/2019 07:24

Totally understand this. If DH is fit and well then yes I think you should take yourself off for rest. Go for Saturday and say you’ll hopefully be in a position to help more Sunday with some rest and time to heal.

Tobebythesea · 18/07/2019 07:24

Don’t ask, just do. I bet he didn’t!

Sorry you are ill.

Rtmhwales · 18/07/2019 07:25

You'd be perfectly within reason to do that. Or if you can afford it, I'd take myself to a hotel and check in with a bag full of foods I love, a couple of good tea bags, a hot water bottle and a good book. And then sleep. I can't believe he's not being sympathetic.

Happyspud · 18/07/2019 07:26

It’s not very lighthearted that you have to beg your DH to look after his kids when you’re ill. Don’t ask, just tell him.

Taichipandas · 18/07/2019 07:28

Poor you. Your DH should give a shit! It's horrible that he doesn't.

So YANBU! Don't apologise, don't explain, don't ask permission.

Just tell him "I'm ill. You are on duty" And hand over your ds and go to bed.

Charm23 · 18/07/2019 07:50

One rule for him, one rule for you? I wouldn't put up with that! I'd gently remind him of how you cared for him when he was ill and ask that you receive the same now that you're unwell. Please post his reply!

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 18/07/2019 07:59

I somehow still end up doing more and he still moans no end about everything he does but thats by the by.
most times I do this there is a 45 minute limit and then we have to swap so he gets a lie down too

WTF? This is not light-hearted at all. It's shocking that your h is such a selfish twat that he can't look after his own dc when you are ill, yet he expects the red carpet treatment when he is ill. What a pathetic specimen.

TELL him you are ill and will be in bed all day Saturday and ask him to take dc out. Or you could check into a Premier Inn. But really, why should you have to leave your own house to get a rest?

LuckyAmy1986 · 18/07/2019 08:01

Why is there a 45 minute limit?!

sackrifice · 18/07/2019 08:01

You need to just stay in bed and sleep to recover properly.

He needs to step up and pull.his weight. Not just this weekend. But all the time.

snitzelvoncrumb · 18/07/2019 08:02

Can you stay with someone, a hotel? Don't ask just go.

melissasummerfield · 18/07/2019 08:05

Jesus christ, what is with all these men who think having children is nothing to do with them??

If you are ill go and rest and recover, and never run around after him again when he is ill because he is clearly unwilling to do the same!

MargotsFlounceyBlouse · 18/07/2019 08:06

YANBU. Can you see a doc and get some antibiotics? They really do help shift bacterial throat infections where you have the white spots etc like this. Don't suffer longer than you need to. Keep an eye on your temperature too. Tonsillitis is a bitch and can really wipe you out.

Advisemeplease1 · 18/07/2019 08:08

YANBU, except don't ask him, tell him that you're going to bed for the day/ weekend and not to be disturbed unless there's a genuine emergency.

dottiedodah · 18/07/2019 08:15

You need to go to bed ASAP!.Tonsillitis is quite a nasty illness and as Margot says you need some antibiotics urgently.Also after you have been ill ,will feel quite tired and run down for a while .So need to rest!.No need for a discussion with DH. You are ill end of story!

Quandary2018 · 18/07/2019 08:19

I have never felt so ill as I do when I get tonsillitis- you absolutely need rest and your DH should be telling you to get it and looking after you.

JeanieJardine55 · 18/07/2019 08:31

If you get some antibiotics today you will feel 100 x better by tomorrow.

newmomof1 · 18/07/2019 08:33

Why on earth did your DH need to go to out of hours for a cold? How pathetic.

You, on the other hand, are genuinely ill, but waiting until the weekend to rest isn't going to do you any favours.
Get yourself to the docs and get some proper rest today.

DidUReallyJustSayThat · 18/07/2019 08:33

I wouldn't even ask. "Right I'm off to bed, please yourselves what you do this weekend, I need to recover. Have fun"

F2Feee · 18/07/2019 08:33

I cant believe you are playing this off as lighthearted when your dh is actually pathetic. He doesnt seem to care for you at all. Why are you ok with this.

Thegracefuloctopus · 18/07/2019 08:38

God i must be loosing my marbles. Just stumbled accross this thread and thought "that sounds loads like the one i just wrote" even had to go back and check what my bloody username is!!!
I sent him a bloody long text. He also agrees that the swapping constantly and always having to be equal is stupid and annoying. He is arranging to take DS out on saturday for a few hours (ive never had a few hours away from ds unless ive been at work!) And he said "even if youre magically better im doing it anyway because you've been poorly and had to plough through" WOOOOHOOOOO im so excited for my rest! I can battle through these 2 days it i know thats coming! I then sent him this thread and he said "well when its written down it sounds ridiculous"! Just got to some how muddle through today and tomorrow now. Thanks all i second guess myself at the best of times but ive clearly completely lost it today

OP posts:
gingersausage · 18/07/2019 08:40

Why the hell would anyone have to go to a hotel so they could be ill in peace? I seriously cannot imagine what shit lives some people on here have to live.

What sort of pathetic man-child doesn’t just see parenting and housekeeping as a normal fucking weekend, and that having an ill-in-bed wife just means doing a bit extra?

Thegracefuloctopus · 18/07/2019 08:41

@newmomof1 he didnt go for the cold, he suddenly came up in a rash all over his body before the cold symptoms started and he was red and blistered all over. They gave him steroids and then the cold came out but he only had the runny nose. For 2 weeks i heard "im covered in a rash and now a cold too, this is it, this is the end" (i may have exaggerated that end bit... but thats what it felt like he was saying!)

OP posts:
greenlynx · 18/07/2019 08:42

I also think that you need antibiotics considering your symptoms, ask for urgent appointment with GP. I had tonsillitis last year it was very exhausting.
Of course, you should stay in bed and rest. Just tell your DH that you are unwell and he is in charge.

newmomof1 · 18/07/2019 08:55

@Thegracefuloctopus that makes more sense - I misunderstood 🙈

Glad he's seen things from your perspective and you'll get a rest at the weekend!

Thegracefuloctopus · 18/07/2019 09:03

@newmomof1 and im bloody buzzing about it! Even if somehow i recover and feel better im still having it to make up for the lack of sympathy this week!

OP posts: