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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A friend!!??

47 replies

Grandmi · 18/07/2019 00:53

Ok so I had a horrible fall a few weeks ago..dislocated shoulder and fractured my arm....so basically I have not been able to drive,work or do anything normal!! My friends and family have been brilliant helping me ! Today/ yesterday I did ask a friend.(.who I have supported and helped with her mother who has dementia ) to take me to local supermarket. She did give me a lift but refused to help me with the shop and packing..apparently she hates this store !! I was absolutely shocked when she said that, and was helped by other customers. !! She did pick me up 45 mins later ..am feeding very disillusioned and bewildered!!

OP posts:
recklessruby · 18/07/2019 01:12

I hate some places. My friend has fibromyalgia. I go along and help her out because she is in a wheelchair and i am her friend.
I think your friend was being unreasonable and a bit weird to be honest.

RedTideBlues · 18/07/2019 01:15

Her personal feelings about the shop were stronger than the need to help you out as a friend.

Leeds2 · 18/07/2019 01:18

Did she tell you this when you mentioned the name of the supermarket? If I was your friend, I would've told you when you asked for a lift, and suggested that if you needed any help we could go elsewhere. Although, tbf, I would actually have set my prejudices aside and gone with you and helped you.

Thegirlintheflowerypyjamas · 18/07/2019 01:21

Is she barred from the shop?

ScaryBunnyPainting · 18/07/2019 01:23

Her personal feelings about the shop were stronger than the need to help you out as a friend.

Which makes her a pretty shitty friend.

Monty27 · 18/07/2019 02:37

Surely it shouldn't be about df Shock
You need to say what shop she resents so much. How bad can it be Confused

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 18/07/2019 02:43

Why do you need help shopping and packing? Was this both arms?

Jozen · 18/07/2019 02:51

How odd?
As PP says above, has she been barred from this particular shop?
I can't imagine hating a shop so much I'd refuse to help a mate out with packing and lifting.

VenusTiger · 18/07/2019 02:59

She probably has fallen out with someone who works there or an ex

BlackCatSleeping · 18/07/2019 03:50

She probably has fallen out with someone who works there or an ex

Or maybe she got accused of shop lifting or something.

I hate to be the one to say it, but can't you just shop online?

jellycatspyjamas · 18/07/2019 05:43

Another possibility is that she finds the shop triggering in some way. I know people who have had a panic attack in a busy supermarket who haven’t been able to go back inside without triggering another panic. Some people find specific places and spaces nearly impossible to cope with.

Butchyrestingface · 18/07/2019 05:49

She did give me a lift but refused to help me with the shop and packing..apparently she hates this store !!

Shoplifter. Look out for her mugshot at the security station.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 18/07/2019 05:55

Why do you need help shopping and packing? Was this both arms?

Wow. What a shitty response foolish are you the friend? Its fairly bloody obvious why some one with even one dislocated sholder would need help with shopping and packing. And the broken arm is in probably in a sling meaning she cant push a trolley. Wpuld be very slow at packing, couldnt reach things. To say nothing of the pain.

Another possibility is that she finds the shop triggering in some way. I know people who have had a panic attack in a busy supermarket who haven’t been able to go back inside without triggering another panic

But she could have explained that before agreeing to give OP a lift, couldnt she. She knows op is relant on help at the moment. If she didn't want to explain she could very easily have said no sorry i can't even give you a lift, you'll have to find some one else to help"

Bahhhhhumbug · 18/07/2019 06:03

Your friend is entitled to say no to anything she wants to, we all are. There could be lots of very valid reasons she wont go in there. To all those saying she's a crap friend how about someone who only appreciates a friend saying yes to everything and the minute they say no they are out of favour? That's a bad friend to me.
I won't go in our local hospital, l hate the place, used to work there, very triggering. I take my elderly Mil shopping, do her washing, cleaning, you name it but no matter how gard her and rest of family try and cajole and push me into it, if l talk d her to a hospital app t l drop her off and she gives my number to reception when she's finished and l drive to door and pick her up. The shenanigans over the years to trick, emotionally blackmail, bully and mock me in to crossing this boundary of mine have been relentless. Makes me more determined every time. We're all allowed boundaries, just appreciate your door to door lift that she doesnt have to give you.

Bahhhhhumbug · 18/07/2019 06:06

if l take her to a hospital appt that should've said.

kidsmakesomuchwashing · 18/07/2019 06:13

Online shopping delivered to your door????
No need for anyone to assist.

Cherrysherbet · 18/07/2019 06:20

I’m wondering if there is more going on here than you’re aware of? Could it be she is suffering from some sort of anxiety issue to do with being in certain situations? I know from experience with my own anxiety, that I’ve made excuses to others out of shear panic that may have seemed strange to them. To me though, I just wanted to get away from the situation. Maybe she hates being in certain places for reasons that wouldn’t seem rational to you?

Just a thought op.

jellycatspyjamas · 18/07/2019 06:27

But she could have explained that before agreeing to give OP a lift, couldnt she.

The OP said she asked the friend to take her to the supermarket - it may not have occurred to the friend that she meant could she help with the shopping too. I also know when I’ve been very anxious I haven’t wanted to tell people because I don’t want to get into discussions about how I’m being silly, need treatment, can just get over it etc etc.

Coyoacan · 18/07/2019 06:34

Well your friend wasn't perfect, OP, but I think it is inappropriate of you to think in terms of her owing you. If you do a favour for someone, it is not a good look that you now feel that she owes you.

sneakypinky · 18/07/2019 06:38

Wouldn't it be so much easier to do an online supermarket shop and get it delivered?

BlueMerchant · 18/07/2019 06:39

Definitely a reason she can't go in the shop.
My first thought was shoplifting and barred.

Tingface · 18/07/2019 06:39

“Why do you need help shopping and packing? Was this both arms?“

Wow. That’s one of the shittiest things I’ve read in here in a long time.

Butchyrestingface · 18/07/2019 06:43

💡

At least she didn’t offer to drive your shopping home whilst you walked, OP. Grin

After all, presumably your legs are working okay.

**

Apolloanddaphne · 18/07/2019 06:51

That's weird. I too think there may be a more specific reason she couldn't come in with you.

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 18/07/2019 06:52

It wasn’t meant to be shitty, maybe the friend did not think she needed to stay? 😘