Declining to visit the In-Laws for the first time in 10 years!

[InnerSteel]

Hubby and I have been together 10+ years and 6 years ago we moved 5 hours drive (when the roads are clear) away from the inlaws. Everytime hubby has wanted to see his family we have visited. They do come down occasionally and visit us. Their last visit to us was at Easter and our last visit to them was at christmas.

I have been finding stuff increasingly difficult and have recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and IBS. We have 3 boys (aged 8, 6 and 2) and a large dog. Going to visit the inlaws means staying with them, all of us in one room. There would be a total of 5/6 adults and 5/6 kids in the house, plus pets. Christmas with them was hard, lots of stomach bugs, big gatherings and I really didnt cope well. We still went even though I really didnt feel up to it and I regret it. I love the inlaws, but its just becoming too much.

Am I being unreasonable to say no to going up this summer?

No I wouldn't go, I'd say your husband should go either alone of with the kids.Your an adult and you can make your own decisions where you go. If its too much, its too much.
What about your husband doing more face time etc or calls to his parents?

I too would send DH with either all or he older 2 DC. You hopefully get some rest and rebate.

Is there a Premier Inn anywhere near? If so, how about booking you and dh into that, and letting dcs stay with ILs?

Or an airbnb if not too expensive.
Or else not go, or send dh and dcs without you.

Nope. They "insist" we stay with them.

You need to insist that you won't. Insisting people stay when it means five people in one bedroom is totally unreasonable, particularly when one of those has IBS.

Don't go. You need to look after your health, and if they're decent people, they'll understand that. If they don't, then they're not worth worrying about.

Is your husband complaining about you not wanting to go? Is that why you've posted?

Another vote here for sending your DH plus 3 kids and the dog to stay with the ILs, meanwhile you can put your feet up at home and have a well-earned rest.

Once again as is often suggested and usually true, you have a Dh pro, not an in-laws Provo. He sounds useless

Keep the dog with you and send the kids and your DH.

I've learnt to put my foot down with people who insist I stay with them in unsuitable accommodation. Either they - and your DH- understands and allows you to stay in appropriate lodging or you don't come. Simple as that and I think you should start with this visit.

I don't stay anywhere I don't feel comfortable and have a proper bed / enough space anymore. Life's too short and I'm too creaky. Look for cheap hotels nearby or send husband and older kids

Yes it was funny how when I finally put my foot down about staying at SILs - lovely person but I'm too old to sleep on a saggy mattress in the living room - and booked a Premier Inn, initially DH and DS were resistant but ended up coming back to the hotel with me each night, in preference to staying at the house. Also a bit of distance and a great nights sleep makes everything so much more enjoyable.

Do you usually do everything and he does nothing op-who cant look after thedir own bloody kids