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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About 7 seater car

59 replies

ElliT · 17/07/2019 11:35

Hi all , first time posting.
Me and partner have 4 children. I have 2 from previous relationship. He has one from previous relationship. We have one together.
Clearly we need a 7 seater car for days out as a family. I do not drive. Partner refuses to sell his car to buy a 7 seater meaning we haven't been on a family day out since our baby was born 8 months ago. If I want to do anything with my children I do it alone on public transport. I get it in the neck for taking them out and accused of leaving his child out. I never take my children out when we have her as that would be unfair but I also refuse to take them all whilst he sits in all day. So when we have his child we stay in all weekend. He hasn't taken his daughter anywhere once in this time. His reasoning is that 7 seaters aren't considered cool. I think he is pathetic and immature and it is really driving a wedge in this relationship. What on earth can I do in this situation

OP posts:

ThePhoenixRises · 17/07/2019 11:38

You would need a 8 seater not a 7 for you all to go out.

ThePhoenixRises · 17/07/2019 11:39

Oh sorry, I was adding up the 4 plus 2 children to mean 6 children all together.

Yes you do need a 7 seater

Original poster

ElliT · 17/07/2019 11:39

How come ? 2 adults , 4 kids ?

OP posts:

Liciaflorrick · 17/07/2019 11:39

Why don't you drive? Perhaps if you showed effort to drive, he might make an effort to sell his car.
I didn't learn to drive until I was 30 and only have an automatic licence. But it really really helps my DH out especially since he has recently started getting migraines.

Having said that I don't understand what you see in your partner. Driving or not, he sounds lazy.

Zebedee88 · 17/07/2019 11:41

Hmm well I guess if you're looking for 'cool' 7 seater cars then you have to have a large amount of cash!

twobambinos · 17/07/2019 11:42

I'm not sure why pp thinks you need an 8 seater. 4 children and 2 adults. Maybe he doesn't like being the driver all the time. Is there any local places he would be happy to go on public transport with you as a start?

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 17/07/2019 11:42

My 13yo DS1 thinks our VW Sharan is cool because it has paddle shift buttons for the automatic gearbox, so goodness knows what your other half's issue is

sweetkitty · 17/07/2019 11:45

That’s really rotten you don’t go anywhere as a family with his daughter. I would be taking driving lessons and getting myself a seven seater, sod him. If he didn’t want to drive a 7 seater he should have thought about that before conceiving another child with you.

Original poster

ElliT · 17/07/2019 11:45

Yeah , I get that about me driving. I would like to but financially I dont think I could afford it right now. I have never had financial support for my older 2 children and have struggled to make ends meet in the past mainly due to childcare expenses, it just has never been the right time. I dont think we could afford 2 cars either even if I did get myself a licence

OP posts:

Original poster

ElliT · 17/07/2019 11:46

I have absolutely no issue with whatever car we had to go in as long as it meant doing things altogether as a family

OP posts:

CloserIAm2Fine · 17/07/2019 11:47

Teenagers prioritise “cool” over functionality. Grown adults who have children should not prioritise cool over being able to fit their whole family in a car. What a fucking man child!

If it’s at all possible then you should learn to drive, but you will still need a big car to cart your five children around (4 actual children plus the Man child) so that doesn’t solve the problem.

Original poster

ElliT · 17/07/2019 11:48

In reply to two bambinos (I dont know how to tag) he wouldn't be seen dead on public transport. This is what I mean about him being pathetic and immature.

OP posts:

TheBrockmans · 17/07/2019 11:49

Well he could come with you on public transport, if he isn't willing to do that or to buy a bigger car, there isn't much you can do is there?

QuestionableMouse · 17/07/2019 11:50

I love my seven seater. It has a turbo so that automatically makes it cool. 😂

Tell him to grow up!

sweetkitty · 17/07/2019 11:50

Well if you can’t afford a second car or lessons right now then the only option is a 7 seater. Yes they aren’t “cool” I have one myself. I don’t give a toss about cool I care about transporting my 4 children and all the stuff that goes with them.

You need to tell him to grow the fuck up he’s a father now not a boy racer!

Pipandmum · 17/07/2019 11:52

Why can’t you all go out on public transport? Or hire a 7 seater on the odd occasion so you can all go somewhere? Is he really valuing his perception of ‘coolness’ over the enjoyment of his daughter? He needed to get over himself. A dad with 4 kids is not cool no matter what he drives.

buckeejit · 17/07/2019 11:52

I wouldn't be with someone who put 'cool' above family needs. What a dickhead

FloatingthroughSpace · 17/07/2019 11:53

What an immature idiot. That would be a massive turn off for me, sorry.

Ask him if his friends would consider it cool that he is preventing his family from going on days out together, cool that his wife has to schlep around alone on public transport with 3 kids in tow, cool that his daughter spends weekends with her dad just sitting around at home. Is all that cool?

What a fabulous image he projects. I bet all his mates think this rubbish dad who prioritises style over parenting is well cool...

And for goodness sake learn to drive. Maybe he could teach you.

DC3dilemma · 17/07/2019 11:54

I agree OP. Pathetic and immature. I see so many people (usually men) who put having some fancy car ahead of practicality for their kids and think it’s absolutely dickish.

I actually do like cars, and have particular models in mind for the future...but for now the mum wagon (vw sharan in our case) is ideal. The kids think it’s the coolest thing ever, sliding doors, fold down tables, loads of room...but on the road there’s a distinct change in the attitude of other road users. After 25 years of driving I now get loads of aggressive men cutting me up, with that “wimmen drivers” look.

GinDaddy · 17/07/2019 11:55

@Zebedee88

I don’t know why people post unhelpful comments like this - “you need a lot of cash to buy a 7 seater”

Even the most cursory perusal of classified online (and I haven’t but can guess) would throw up Zafiras, Hyundai Santa Fe, Sharan, Galaxy, Discovery 2, and all for under £3000 or so.

Or one could PCP finance one’s way into newer versions of Zafira, Ford C Max with the 7 seat option, 2 Series Active Tourer etc.. all for the cost of an Audi/Merc hatchback or whatever everyone seems to be driving around me these days

So yeah they’re not unaffordable compared to other cars. And there’s plenty of choice for the OP if they do want to go down that route

Original poster

ElliT · 17/07/2019 11:56

Before we had the baby we took the 3 everywhere, we were always doing nice things. Somebody mentioned in their comment it was horrid for me to not take his child , I understand this completely but it was not meant to be intentionally horrid I love her as one of my own. I thought he would eventually think , right it's not fair that I dont take my daughter anywhere but clearly it has not worked and I will arrange things with all 4 of them on my own. That may make him think twice when he realises were all out having a nice time whilst hes alone

OP posts:

happyasasandboy · 17/07/2019 12:01

The problem here isn't the mode of transport. It's that your partner expects you to take all of the children out, including his child, without him pitching in.

Can you put this back to him? Ask him what he'd like to do with the family at the weekend; stay in or go out. If he wants to go out, continue that conversation into where and how. If he wants to stay in, then you continue as before.

Original poster

ElliT · 17/07/2019 12:02

Just to add , he has been asked to leave this morning as it really really infuriates me. I know people have worse problems than this and it's not exactly the end of the world but after 8 months and prior to baby being born discussions about 7 seater I have just had enough and as many have commented , he is prioritising cool over his children. I dont think its acceptable at all the way he is being about it. If he would have stayed I'd of lost my shit and I dont want to do that. It sounds like I am throwing my toys out of the pram trying to get my own way but it's not like that. I want our children to have great childhood memories of family days. If he doesn't want that too then I guess it's best he doesn't return and drives around in his bmw. I hope he thinks its worth it that's all I can say.

OP posts:

MollyButton · 17/07/2019 12:02

I don't think he's a keeper much. What does he do or contribute?
He sounds like a kid and not a very good Disney Dad even.
Why should you take his daughter out? Contact is for her to have contact with her Dad (and to a lesser extent with her half sibling). Taking her out on trips without her Dad is not the point, especially as you don't leave her out when she is with you, but all go without trips. He really needs to get off his backside - if he wants his daughter to have trips then he needs to come up with a solution: 7 seater car, use public transport or whatever!

Yellowweatherwarning · 17/07/2019 12:02

I passed my test at 33 while 6 months pregnant with dc number 7. Life was too stupid without me driving!!

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