About 7 seater car

[ElliT]

Hi all , first time posting.
Me and partner have 4 children. I have 2 from previous relationship. He has one from previous relationship. We have one together.
Clearly we need a 7 seater car for days out as a family. I do not drive. Partner refuses to sell his car to buy a 7 seater meaning we haven't been on a family day out since our baby was born 8 months ago. If I want to do anything with my children I do it alone on public transport. I get it in the neck for taking them out and accused of leaving his child out. I never take my children out when we have her as that would be unfair but I also refuse to take them all whilst he sits in all day. So when we have his child we stay in all weekend. He hasn't taken his daughter anywhere once in this time. His reasoning is that 7 seaters aren't considered cool. I think he is pathetic and immature and it is really driving a wedge in this relationship. What on earth can I do in this situation

I half understand where he's coming from because I was the same. It took me about 4 weeks after the birth of our 4th child to realise that I just had to bite the bullet an get a 7 seater. I've always had sporty, fast cars and there's only a couple of 7 seaters I like.

Surely there must be a couple of styles he likes. What about;

BMW X5
Mercedes ML
Zafira VXR
Land Rover Discovery
Volvo XC90

Not that I'd ever have just sat at home by the way! We had a car each so could still both go out with everyone on a weekend but through the week (it was summer hols) me and the kids could still go out whilst DH was working

I've had 2 7 seaters , an outlander and a Q7. They were both lovely to drive and didn't look like 7 seaters.

OP - can he not get a cheap 7 seater like a Zafira for the weekend and keep his precious other car as a compromise? If he’s not earning enough for that then tough it has to go.

I actually cannot believe any father would see his partner taking 3 children and a 8 month old baby on public transport on their own whilst he sits on his lazy arse with a cool car in the drive. His lazy arse would be out the door.

@ElliT

I think that’s a perfectly reasonable reaction. Don’t let him minimise this -he’s essentially refusing to engage in family life properly, and that’s no partnership. My bet is that if you went out with all the kids and left him out, rather than be prompted to get his act together due to missing out, he’d actually be delighted that you are dealing with the kids and he;s got time to himself.

If he does suddenly see the wood for the trees and decide to grow up, a Seat Alhambra is an affordable version of the VW Sharan. Every time I drive past one on the road, I curse the extra money I spent for the VW badge on the exact same car. My kids even shout “there’s one of us” to rub it in...

They don't need to be expensive. Mines an old. Zafira I've kept it well I paid 1200
I didn't want to. I liked my. Little old car I'd. saved hard on my own for it. Learnt to drive at 31
. Because someting clicked and i thought sod it I'll show people I don't need to ask Anyone for anything.! ( back story but I won't go I to it.)
However I met dp he has a dd
I had ds.
We then had one. Rather than squish in a normal car with the car seats I changed car. I didn't want to, family came first

Were now due another and whilst the Zafira is big enough I theory wihh the pram. It isnt
So looking and a Honda frv.. 2x rows of 3 seats and still plenty of boot room. For the pram as I'll need a double I expect as 22m gap between them

While he is an idiot. How about a Nissan Elgrand? 8 seats (proper arm chair ones) and the engine is from a 350z. Maybe he's just not up to the task of driving a big car.... Tell him its a car, not a penis extension.

Thank you for all your suggestions on cars. Now and again he will look through sale adverts and say oh look at this etc etc but nothing will come of it , he wont mention it again and when I do he starts moaning about what he will look like driving it and so on , he really annoys me about it. He regularly sells his car and buys another 5 seat one, hes done this 2 or 3 times since babies been born and each time I think wow he really is taking the mick out of me. He talks about saving up and buying a seven seater as a second car but this never comes to fruition. Hes too busy doing up the 5 seaters. I will just have to bite the bullet and start thinking about myself and get myself a license and save for a car myself. My children's childminder has a lovely seven seater. It's a Volkswagen but I dont know the kind I'm useless with cars but my kids absolutely love it. And that's the point. He should only care about what the kids think not what his friends and complete strangers think.

Will you never take all six children out together?

There are 4 kids, and yes I will be taking them all out on my own from now onwards

Somebody asked if he would give me lessons (wish I knew how to tag so I could individually respond) but yeah we did that once. Never again. Just kept telling me not to scratch his precious wheels.

Take yourself out and leave him with the 4 children

People carrier type cars are def not cool! Sorry
Plenty of 7 seater cars are great, he needs to grow he fuck up.
Google 7 seater see what he likes. Bloody hell its not hard.
I also have 4 children and love my car... def not a people carrier (mums taxi!)

Get driving lessons!!

His reasoning is that 7 seaters aren't considered cool. I think he is pathetic and immature

What a tool.

He sounds really over-invested in cars and image.

Start saving up so you both can buy a family car.

For your own sake, you should learn to drive.

Whatever it takes, put it before you. Make the necessary financial changes to make it happen. Learn to drive.

A friend of mine will not learn to drive and she has a difficult, inconvenient and very narrow life.

If he wanted a ‘cool car’ he shouldn’t have had a second child with someone who already had two children. That ship has sailed so now he’ll have to suck it up.

I have four DC, we have a qashqai+2. ‘Cool’ seven seaters do exist.

BMW X5 does not have seven seats. The Volvo XC90 does, that’s pretty cool but expensive to run- we had to sell ours because of this.

Anyway, I’d also prioritise driving lessons. It will revolutionise your whole life.

He sounds lovely.

We have a BMW Gran tourer. 7 seats and approx £20k cheaper than the X5.
This is our second one of the same car, we finance on a 3yr pcp.
Used to hve an Smax which was similar size but for the same cost new, we went to the BMW when it came out in 2015. Even for £12k off the new price with finance and dealership discounts.its totally cool as top of the range, same engine as all the other BMW 2l diesel cars and goes like stink when it needs to and economical enough to ferry my lot around also.
Never had any Mechanical issues either.

@Pinktinker

Please, why confidently state something when you don’t actually know?!

The X5 DOES have 7 seats.

[The X3, X2, and X1 only come with 5 seats]

We have a Mazda 5, seats 7, but seats tuck away when not needed, it's no sports car but had it up to 110mph in Germany!

Hi op, I also think you need to learn to drive. When the kids are older your reliance on public transport could be difficult.

I have a 7 seater VW Touran and would recommend it.

Good luck with everything. Sounds like he has checked out of being involved at all let alone the car issue.

I've got a seven seater. I love it. Fits my 3 kids in it plus friends when need be. It's not cool, but it's definitely cooler than having a car I can't fit my kids in!!

I've a lovely 7 seater, a toyota verso, crappy boot size when all the seats are up but it does the job. And for a 7 seater it's tiny.